Archive of entries posted on 30th January 2013

Wisdom of the Day: Parrot Line Knightley Frum

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How to Solve the Illegal Immigration Problem

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So we’re going do amnesty again or something because that worked out so great in the 80s. Of course, to the Democrats, this isn’t really an issue of the law or our sovereignty because all they’re thinking is, “Hey! We can get more votes!” I mean, those guys if they could would make the presidential election an internet poll that anyone in the world could participate in because they know who that would favor.

There’s a lot that annoys me on this issue. One is the supreme dishonesty of the pro-illegal immigrant side — always trying to conflate illegal immigration with the legal kind and never really saying what they’re end goals are (open boarders? a broken system we just ignore?). The other is how the people who came here illegally aren’t all apologetic about it — they’re all like angry at us for daring to have some sort of immigration law like every other country out there. If the illegal immigrants were more like, “Man, we’re so sorry about what we did and we know it was wrong, but Mexico super sucks and your country is so awesome. Could you ever forgive us?” we might have solved this by now. But instead, “You’re racist! And mean!” Well, why do you want to be in a country of mean, racists then?

Anyway, this issue is of course solved in my book How to Fix Everything in America Forever: The Plan to Keep America Awesome. First off, we get rid of our borders. It just seems wrong other countries should be touching us. And then we institute new, better tests for American-ness for anyone becoming a citizen (like wrestling a grizzly bear). And for everyone who comes here illegally, we deport someone. But my compromise is that if an illegal immigrant passes the American test, we can deport a useless hippie in his place.

Easy peasy. Man, if everyone just bought my book we’d have solved all our problems by now and Obama and most of the rest of government would probably be in a prison camp — where they all belong.

Best Thing for the Economy: Don’t Anger the Toddler

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So the economy has contracted — decreased by 0.1% — for the fourth quarter. Great thing we reelected Obama, because this stimulus thing sure is taking a really long time to kick in. But don’t worry, Obama is working hard to raise taxes, give amnesty to illegal immigrants, and pass gun control.

It really seems like now that the election is over, Obama is just ignoring the economy. He never seemed to care much about it before with all the “I’m finally going to pivot towards jobs! This time for real!” but with his reelection, I think he’s completely done with it so he can work on his piddling crap issues he thinks will leave him a liberal legacy. So prepare for more job crushing policies as we take on climate change or something.

Of course, probably the best thing Obama can do for the economy is ignore it. Let’s say you’re trying to build a house of cards and there is a toddler around. In that situation, you’re not usually hoping the toddler will get smart and help you. Instead, you’re just hoping the toddler doesn’t touch it or shake the table. Which is asking a lot when the toddler we’re talking about is Obama.

Don’t tell him I said that or he’ll throw a tantrum.

Random Thoughts: Amnesty, Gore, and Frum

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Why are trying to solve everything with amnesty now when we already solved everything with amnesty back in the 80s?

It’s okay that Al Gore made millions in oil money by selling his network to Al-Jazeera, because he bought hypocrisy offsets.

Compromise: Open all borders, remove all entitlements from government so more people don’t cost us money.

Oh, and you can’t get full citizenship until you prove Americaness by wrestling a grizzly bear.

With illegal immigration we have people breaking the law, getting all pissy about it, and acting like WE did something wrong.

If you want immigration reform, start with effusive apologies.

Oh, I thought I was supposed to “shove” my enemies. What the Bible is asking is much harder.

To tell if it’s an authentic photo of Obama holding a gun, look at his pants to see whether they’re wet or not.

I think Toure is great evidence towards the idea that society needs a bit more shame.

Why is anyone acting like David Frum is a serious person worth engaging? Are you all taking crazy pills?

“I’m going to tell conservatives how to do things, but first I’m going to alienate them so none of them will listen to me.”

Frum is basically Meghan McCain as a middle-aged man.

The Q4 report doesn’t really matter as Obama is done with the economy and has moved on to other issues he finds more interesting.

Boycott!

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The boycott that liberals called on Chick-Fil-A last year certainly made an impact.

The Atlanta food chain released figures at the request of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution — the chain is private and doesn’t have to release numbers — and here’s what they showed: sales were up 14% to $4.6-billion, and the company opened 96 new stores.

Now, to be sure, the AJC is taking the approach that all this good financial news happened despite the boycott. The AJC is a liberal paper — not as liberal as some, but way too liberal for my tastes — and spins stories to their point of view.

Still, sales up 14%? 96 new stores providing hundreds of new jobs?

I wish someone would boycott me.