Straight Line of the Day: Kim Jong Un Threatened to Attack South Korea. President Obama…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Kim Jong Un threatened to attack South Korea. President Obama…
Send to Kindle
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
March 7th, 2013 at 12:03 pm
…wondered what grilled dog tastes like.
March 7th, 2013 at 12:04 pm
…apologized.
March 7th, 2013 at 12:06 pm
…had heartburn from Rand Paul’s fillet of filibuster.
March 7th, 2013 at 12:08 pm
…offered Kim his best dog recipes.
March 7th, 2013 at 12:09 pm
…sent Kim a post card from Chavez that said, Wish You Were Here.
March 7th, 2013 at 12:09 pm
…decided it was time for that Abu Dhabi golf getaway.
March 7th, 2013 at 12:10 pm
…sent Joe Biden to North Korea with his shotgun.
March 7th, 2013 at 12:13 pm
…chewed a pop tart into the shape of an ICBM and sent it to Kim.
March 7th, 2013 at 12:14 pm
…. looked to his Teleprompter in the hopes of having something to say.
March 7th, 2013 at 12:14 pm
…golfed while michelle called the report racist and dennis rodman enlisted in the army of north korea.
March 7th, 2013 at 12:15 pm
…dispatched Susan Rice to do the “usuall drill.”
March 7th, 2013 at 12:17 pm
… responded with oneupmanship by threatening to attack his own people.
March 7th, 2013 at 12:17 pm
…surrendered.
March 7th, 2013 at 12:22 pm
…watched reruns of MASH to learn sumpin’ ’bout Korea.
March 7th, 2013 at 12:24 pm
…started rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic
March 7th, 2013 at 12:24 pm
… began singing “send in the drones, there ought to be drones, they are already here”
March 7th, 2013 at 12:27 pm
…. and Obama sent him a BILLION dollars
March 7th, 2013 at 12:33 pm
President Obama responded by artfully un threatening to defend the constitution of the U.S.
March 7th, 2013 at 12:38 pm
suggested everyone move to the DMZ
March 7th, 2013 at 12:44 pm
Sent a 6 man FEMA team to establish South Korean nuke free zones.
March 7th, 2013 at 12:45 pm
shouted FORE in Austrian.
March 7th, 2013 at 12:48 pm
…serenaded the UN…
♬
We study nuclear science, We Love commie masses.
Gotta crazy world Leader, can’t fill his fathers glasses
Bomb production’s going great, And the missle’s flying better.
We’re refining it right,
Plutonium’s weapons Grade,
Korea’s future is so bright,
We’ll hafta wear shades.
We’ve got uranium waiting for nuclear testing,
A test explosion here, causes lots of fear
Missile tests going great, targetting is getting better
We’re refining it right,
yea, its weapons Grade,
‘Countryside’ll be so bright,
We’ll hafta wear shades.
Well Korea still must test, so world be wise,
Kim’s gotta nuclear techie, with some x-ray guys,
Bombing South Korea’s great, the United States is better.
Got South Korea in our sights,
and the North is gonna raid,
Kim Jong-un’s future’s so bright,
We gotta wear shades
♬
March 7th, 2013 at 1:12 pm
sent him the co-ordinates for new york city.
March 7th, 2013 at 1:14 pm
… thought any region with the word “south” in the name is probably racist and could use a good nuking
… asked his staff to make sure there is no possibility of fallout landing on his retirement home on Hawaii
… appointed Rand Paul the new Ambassador to South Korea
… asked his staff to make sure he gets one of those new Galaxy S4 phones before it happens.
… said “don’t bother me when I’m trying to sink a 40 foot putt”
March 7th, 2013 at 1:17 pm
… decided on a “wait and see” strategy
… blamed Bush
March 7th, 2013 at 1:20 pm
…grovelled.
…bowed.
March 7th, 2013 at 1:21 pm
was so shaken, he missed a 6 foot putt. Now…watch this drive!
March 7th, 2013 at 1:23 pm
Blamed a YouTube video.
Accused Kim of colluding with the GOP.
Blamed Sequestration.
March 7th, 2013 at 1:38 pm
…screamed, “All you Kim’s get off my lawn!!!”
March 7th, 2013 at 1:38 pm
… asked congress for another tax hike
March 7th, 2013 at 1:39 pm
. . . flew to Pyongyang to bow to Kim Jong Un personally, dispatched Hillary Clinton to the Korean ambassador with a “Reboot” button, sent John Kerry to the United Nations to ask them to beg North Korea to engage in negotiations, and scheduled a World Apology Tour to give everybody the warm fuzzies about America, so that it would be inconceivable for anyone to want to nuke us.
Oh, wait, this was supposed to be a joke answer . . .
March 7th, 2013 at 1:41 pm
…threatened to attack South Carolina.
March 7th, 2013 at 1:43 pm
…marked North Korea on an Atlas with a tac.
March 7th, 2013 at 1:57 pm
…placed North Korea in double secret probation.
March 7th, 2013 at 1:58 pm
…threw John Kerry under the bus.
March 7th, 2013 at 2:04 pm
…took out Dennis Rodman with a drone strike for not fixing relations with North Korea.
March 7th, 2013 at 2:08 pm
…. got so upset, he hooked his drive off the tee.
…. wondered why Kim wasn’t more focused on possibly striking his own people.
March 7th, 2013 at 2:14 pm
Messed his diaper.
March 7th, 2013 at 2:24 pm
…announced that the State Department offers special two-year passports for transgenders in transition.
(You’re right it doesn’t have anything to do with Korea)
March 7th, 2013 at 2:43 pm
… declared South Korea a “bomb-free zone” and proposed a ban on “assault bombs”
March 7th, 2013 at 2:51 pm
…tried to figure out how he could use this latest crisis to find a way to play golf in FL again without having to pay for it.
March 7th, 2013 at 3:06 pm
…didn’t rest until Jill Biden showed up to hide behind South Korea’s door.
…warned him that he would come over there to sequester and take names, and he was all out of sequester because of the budget cuts.
…finally let the kids and Michelle out of the bunker when told their missiles weren’t made out of meat, not that kind of meat anyhow.
March 7th, 2013 at 3:11 pm
threatened to care.
March 7th, 2013 at 3:18 pm
…initiated plan to wait for an American citizen he is going to kill with a drone strike to stand next to Kim Jong Un.
…began the Pyongyang Airedalelift to feed the starving Koreans.
…called for gun control laws to make South Korea safer.
March 7th, 2013 at 3:19 pm
. . . lay on the floor in the fetal position.
March 7th, 2013 at 3:28 pm
…said “Ih di wah, chop-chop, bolly bolly!”
March 7th, 2013 at 3:38 pm
… threatened to appoint Kim Jong Un as the next US ambassador to Libya.
March 7th, 2013 at 4:05 pm
Said, “Don’t bother me, I’m putting!”
March 7th, 2013 at 4:15 pm
…was luckily bowing to another dictator at the time so he instantly realized that they could see eye to eye something, killing freedom for millions of people.
…offered to loan our border fence to the S. K.’s and said since N. K.’s are shorter than Mexicans it ought to work just fine.
March 7th, 2013 at 4:42 pm
…”called him” and “raised him South China”.
March 7th, 2013 at 5:03 pm
…said “Hmmmmm, invade the South and reunite the citizens of Korea under one flag? That would make him the Abraham Rincon of our times”.
March 7th, 2013 at 5:26 pm
… will be notified about it by the MSM before his next press conference.
March 7th, 2013 at 5:28 pm
… had his top generals try to explain to him why we should get worked up about Un troops in South Korea when there are already UN troops there. Abbott-and-Costello sketch ensued.
March 7th, 2013 at 5:30 pm
… said “So what? In this economy, lots of people are changing Koreas!”
March 7th, 2013 at 5:33 pm
… said “Those of us without a Seoul may appear threatening to those who have one.”
March 7th, 2013 at 5:39 pm
.. said “Yeah, I got a Nobel Peace Prize. Go find someone who got the Nobel War Prize if you want advice on handling this.”
He also said something about a balanced approach and the failed policies of the past, and asked people to let him be clear, but frankly no one can remember what he said.
March 7th, 2013 at 5:43 pm
…encouraged South Korea to put up a toll booth at the border.
March 7th, 2013 at 5:43 pm
..said “Isn’t Kim the one that’s pregnant? It’s probably just the hormones talking.”
March 7th, 2013 at 5:48 pm
…offered him Detroit instead.
March 7th, 2013 at 7:07 pm
…shrugged, said hey, man, I killed Osama ben Kenobi with a team of trained seals, what I got to fear from one little yellow dude with a bad haircut? and went back to smoking Choom while Al Green played full blast in his headphones.
March 7th, 2013 at 7:13 pm
…sent emissaries Sheriff Bart and the Waco Kid
March 7th, 2013 at 7:20 pm
… warned Kim Jong Un that any preemptive nuclear strike on the U.S. would lead to an indictment against him in New York federal court.
… said he could not sanction such actions, and would meet them with sanctions. Then he got confused and wandered off.
… asked Hillary if it made a difference.
… sent the South Korean Army whistles and scissors, and told them they didn’t need assault weapons.
… called Kim Jong Un and told him it would be much, much easier to destroy the South Korean government from within.
Man, we are all a cynical bunch, aren’t we??
March 7th, 2013 at 7:48 pm
…used his safe word, “Palomino…. PALOMINO!!!!:
March 7th, 2013 at 7:49 pm
…he was going to pre-emptively moon Kim Jong Un
March 7th, 2013 at 9:39 pm
shrugged , then played golf.
March 7th, 2013 at 10:38 pm
..looked at his caddie and said ” good thing we’re playing on the North course “
March 8th, 2013 at 2:30 am
reflected on this serious threat to the 58th state.
March 8th, 2013 at 11:07 am
Writer @50: Yours is even less likely than mine! But I think I like yours better.
March 8th, 2013 at 1:22 pm
…figured if the South Koreans did not speak North Korean nobody there would get scared enough for it to matter.
…asked the Queen to send that iPad to lil Kim when she was done learning his speeches, as a peace offering.
March 8th, 2013 at 4:12 pm
…. consulted his book of WWJCD – what would Jimmy Carter do?
… threatened to close the Lincoln Memorial
… offered to give Kim Jong Un his favorite kimchi recipies
March 11th, 2013 at 7:43 am
[...] Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “Kim Jong Un threatened to attack South Korea. President Obama…” [...]