Dave from Colonia, Uruguay asks:
Which came first: the chicken or the egg?
I never understood why this was considered such a hard question. Eggs predate the chicken by millions of years, harking back to first egg laying fish.
Or is this some sort of creationist thing where God just suddenly created the chicken and it fell from the sky. If that’s the case, then He would have made the chicken and not a chicken egg, because the egg would have broke upon impact. That would be cool if that were true and that God still creates creatures that way. You’re just sitting in a park, minding your own business, and suddenly this huge dino-creature God just made falls from the sky. I know that’s what I would do if I were God; find some large congregation of people and then suddenly create some horrific beast. I’d then laugh my divine ass off as everyone fled in terror. I never was in to the whole “benevolence” thing.
Carrie S. from Everett, WA asks:
Why does it tingle when I put a battery in my mouth?
Well, Carrie, you understand that batteries are a great scientific accomplishment and they cost lots of money. You also understand that to play around and stick them in your mouth is wrong, so that tingle you feel is your conscience. 9-Volt batteries cost more, so your conscience gets really tingly if you put one in your mouth. AA batteries don’t cost as much, so licking one just causes your conscience to make your tongue have a salty taste. Now listen to your conscience and stop putting batteries in your mouth.
Ingrid P. from California asks:
Were you aware that there is a small group of teenage girls who would like to marry you?? We were thinking of starting a fan site, but we need more pictures of you.
A fan site of me is a great idea, and, if Ari Fleischer can be a sex symbol, then I sure as hell can. You must be a smart group of girls. Unfortunately, I don’t have many other pictures in digital form than those ones I took by holding a camera at arms length. If there is enough interest, maybe I could use some of my donation money booty to pay to get some good pictures done. Other than that, I did find this one of me doing aikido:
I’m the one with the green belt (it was taken a little while ago; I’m a brown belt now). To the untrained eye, it may look like I’m in trouble, but, in reality, I have my opponent exactly where I want him. Let that be a lesson to you: if you attack Frank J., you’ll wind up flat on your back while I fly away unharmed. (Hopefully no one knows that that type of throw is sometimes called “The Monkey Throw” as I’m tired of me getting associated with monkeys; I hate monkeys!)
Please keep the questions coming, <a href=”mailto:THISISSPAMTHISISSPAMace you’re from, I’ll randomly select one.
Hey Stinki,
I am leaving for my reshoots for”Cloisters” in a minute. But I thought that I would first write you to add that that was very good advice to give all those teeny-bobber fans of yours about the batteries – safety is important- which is why I must again express my opinion that you should really stop letting yourself get beat up so much at Aikido – or was that not intentional?
Love,
i also want to marry you. to show how worthy i am, i’ll re answer the chicken and egg question in the form of a wonderfully charming joke…
a chicken and an egg are lying in bed after sex. The chicken is lying back, enjoying a cigarette, while the egg uncomfortable tosses and turns beside him. The chicken looks over at the egg, nudges him with his chickeny elbow, and says ‘well, i guess we figured that one out’.
and there’s another question you can answer… do chickens have elbows?
and just what’s wrong with monkeys? yes…they throw poop and scamper around…but when given direction, they make pretty decent Sith Lords…:P
I love the Aikido photograph…I took Judo for a couple of years and enjoyed it immensely, but I was young and angry and after a heated argument with my Sensei, who was also my good friend, I stopped taking it and wouldn’t even go near a dojo…I started Aikido, but after a month of training, the instructor announced that he was quitting because he was going to be a chiropractor and didn’t want to hurt his wrists…:( I’m currently researching Tai Chi…any opinions on that?
Frank
The whole internet-teenage-girl-meet-me-at-burger king-after-middle-school-lets-out thing is a well known ninja death trap set up.
I have some friends in Tai Chi who love it. Try to find a more combat-oriented style as opposed to one of the styles people do for aerobics.
Frank, how long have you been doing aikido? I’m thinking about taking it up next year (or maybe Hsing-E). Any suggestions?
Make sure to exhale before you hit the ground.
heh…and in some cases, don’t forget to tuck in your chin…slapping the mat helps too…first time I was thrown I forgot to do all three…the combination of breath loss, head bouncing off the floor and my butt nearly breaking taught me reall fast…:P
Frank, fercrisakes, can’t you get someone to hold the camera? I mean, it’s either a self-photo at arms length or a professional portrait?! There must be a stranger passing by right now that you could invite to hold your digital camera for a few minutes.
I’m a Tae Kwon Do man myself. There’s just something so satisfying about kicking someone repeatedly in the head. It makes such a nice solid thunk sound when you do it right!
Spork, I just want a picture that represents the true Frank… and doesn’t give me a monkey for a head.
I do Tae Kwon Do. I’m a blue belt now. They won’t let us really beat eachother up in regular sparring, but in weapons sparring they let us hit eachother. I just can’t wait till red belt when I can learn sword……
Aikido is for dorks that don’t own a gun.
Frank, don’t listen to that Mick guy. Aikido is bad ass! My former TKD instructor was also an advanced Aikido practitioner and I was always amazed by the pressure point holds and stuff he could do–and with lightning speed! Muy impressivo! Keep it up!
LACAstronomer, I love the bladed weapons. For real gnarly sword and knife action though, check out some of the Filipino martial arts. They don’t mess around with a lot of esoteric, fancy-dancy stuff, just hardcore slice and dice!
Well frankee, can I call you frankee? First I love you, you have my kinda sick twisted sense…but you know…you don’t have to listen to me…keep Aikido’ing…I’ll keep pulling the trigger..who wins..maybe that’s a Frank Answers question…
Opps..wrong frank…ok so barley…you know barley and monkeys don’t mix…
I thought you weren’t allowed to wear the black skirt in Aikido until you got your black belt.
Yah, I was wondering about that, too. In my Aikido school, you can’t wear the Haikima until you’re a black belt, with your own students.
As far as falling goes, you need to tuck your chin, breathe out, and slap to spread the impact. Don’t worry, at one time or another, you’ll forget all 3 principles, and hit the ground really hard. Then, you’ll never forget again.
Frank, my respect for you keeps growing! Keep up the martial arts–there are very satisfying feelings to throwing people around, kicking them, etc. I’m a judo/TKD/kickboxing guy myself, and have spent a few years getting slammed into the floor repeatedly. My sensei cross-trained us in some Aikido, and it’s cool. Don’t let anyone tell ya that the “soft” arts don’t kick butt, or that having a gun is all you’ll ever need.
Besides, ninjas dodge bullets and the only way to destroy them is to kung-fu fight them or use a convenient nuclear device, which tends to have collateral damage.
Thanks for answering my question, Frank…I’ll be sure to come up with another for you soon.
Hope ya didn’t land on yer head. 😉
“I thought you weren’t allowed to wear the black skirt in Aikido until you got your black belt. ”
Depends on the school – I’ve practiced at a lot of different dojos and seen it both ways. In Japan women have to wear the hakama and men don’t until black belt; some schools in the US do that too.
There is no word in English for “rapprochement”
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Well what i want to say is that an chicken egg is very strong and it could hold a lot of pressure.