Chipstah! has casting ideas for the Fox News reporter in the In My World™ movie. I say Patrick Warburton should play Buck.
PM Jean Chretien is fisked by both Ari Fleischer and Emperor Misha I; I almost feel sorry for him.
Haven’t linked to a Kim du Toit gun rant in a while, and here is a damn good one.
Archive of entries posted on 30th May 2003
Frank Answers: Planck Time vs. Miller Time, Ninja Turtles, and Hitting Monkeys with a Car
Robert J. from Gusev Crater, Mars asks:
Is the “Planck time” in any way like “Miller time”?
As we all know, a Planck time is the time it takes a photon going at the speed of light to travel a Planck length. Just to remind you, a Planck length is the scale at which classical ideas about gravity and space-time cease to be valid. This is equal to 1.6×10^-35 meters. It takes a photon 10^-43 seconds to travel this length, and thus 10^-43 is the smallest unit of time that has any actual meaning in physics as we understand it today.
In the end, Planck time is a measurement of time, while the lesser-known Miller time expresses a condition of matter and is not an actual measurement. Miller time is reached with enough proton, electrons, and neutrons come together to form something referred to by physicists as a “fat party animal” which then proceeds to drink beer and dance around. This condition lasts for many times that of Planck time, and has undesirable aftereffects the morning after.
Wind Rider from Baja, Hungary asks:
Do the mutant ninja turtles qualify as real ninjas?
For this questions, it is best to consult the ultimate ninja authority. According to him, these are the essential facts about a ninja:
1. Ninjas are mammals.
2. Ninjas fight ALL the time.
3. The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.
While fact two and three may be true about ninja turtles, ninja turtles are reptiles, thus going against fact one. Ergo, ninja turtles are not actual ninjas. Their leader, Splinter, is, though.
George S. from Nilandhoo Atoll, Maldives asks:
If I’m traveling in my JATO-assisted 1972 Chevy Impala at the speed of light on a highway in the Arizona desert and I hit a circus truck full of monkeys, might I cause a rift in the space-time continuum such that I create a “Planet of the Apes” scenario in the present (or alternate) universe?
This is a great question, and the fear of this rift and undesired results is the main reason why I obey all traffic laws when driving my Hyundai.
Now, it would be irresponsible to experimentally drive a JATO-assisted 1972 Chevy Impala into a circus truck full of monkeys because if it does cause the “Planet of the Apes” scenario, everyone will be mad at me, including me myself. Thus, I instead tried the experiment on a smaller scale.
First, I obtained the smallest monkey, a Tarsier, and then bough a remote control car from radio shack. I placed the monkey and the car in an empty room so there was nowhere for the monkey to climb away, and then started chasing him with the car. You should have seen the little thing screech and run away! It was hilarious! He was two slow to outrun the car, though, so I kept bumping him. He’d then make these angry little monkey sounds and try and run away again. But SMACK! I’d get him again. Sometimes he’d get a breather because I’d fall to the ground laughing. I really should have filmed the experiment. So what was I trying to prove again?
Heh heh… monkeys are funny.
Please keep the questions coming, <a href=”mailto:THISISSPAMTHISISSPAMace you’re from, I’ll randomly select one.
Frank Tips for Meeting With Jacques Chirac
President Bush will be meeting with Jacques Chirac today for the first time since the war, so I have some tips for him about the meeting:
* Start by working the body. You’ll want to start slow, which means a series of punches to his gut.
* Use object in the room around you. This doesn’t just mean to pick up those objects and break them over Chirac, put to also use Chriac’s head to break objects that are too big to pick up.
* Make sure to build up some momentum before smashing his head into the wall. You’ll need some good momentum to leave a nice impression in the drywall.
* Avoid the sleeper hold. It’s pointless if he’s unconscious.
* Remember your joints. Joints such as your knee and elbow make great blunt weapons. Don’t forget to use them.
* Use your body weight. Eventually it will become tiresome to keep propping Chirac up. Then you may want to do some elbow drops on him.
* When he is down, Texas Two-Step. Like I have to remind you.
* This isn’t boxing; all blows are legal. Some may say it’s unsporting to go for the groin, but I say it makes a nice finale after you’ve thoroughly beaten him through other means.
In the end, diplomacy is a fluid thing, and you really have to read the other party and adjust your strategy according. Just don’t be afraid to be creative. Godspeed, Mr. President.