While taking a shower this morning, I had an epiphany on how the Israelis can have peace with the Palestinians:
Bomb. Rinse. Repeat.
Actually, they might even be able to skip the “rinse” part. As I started to drink my morning cup of coffee though, I realized how futile this search for peace is. It’s completely unrealistic of Israel to have peace when they tried to set up a country surrounded by angry Muslims who want them dead. It’s just never going to work out, so they need to leave.
So where do we make all the Muslims leave to? Since it was my idea, I say America gets first dibs on all the smarts ones who will become doctors and scientists and stuff. As for the really dumb ones, who only know three words of English – “kill”, “the”, and “Jews” – maybe they could go to Australia since there is plenty of open land there. Hopefully they don’t teach the kangaroos to be suicide bombers, though, since their pouches are perfect for it.
The rest can be spread out all over. China could certainly use more Muslims, and there is plenty of room in Russia. And how many Muslims are in Mexico or Columbia? They could use more. We can send some to Antarctica to bother the scientists there (stupid scientists). France could get plenty – hell, they can take that place over. Maybe they’ll assimilate, though, and we’ll soon be yelling, “I hate those cheese-eating surrender Muslims. I curse their mustaches.”
Now the Jews will have the whole Middle East to themselves, and can form a giant Jew-topia. They can sell us the oil there at a discount since we have always been so supportive of Israel, but they get to gouge Europe all they want. Ha, those jackasses will probably have to ride around on bicycles now like caveman.
So what to do about Mecca? Muslims should be allowed to visit as long as they sign a “No Jew Killing” agreement upon entering. But everyone else should be allowed to go too. I know some families from Minnesota who have been dying to tour Mecca. We need to be respectful of Mecca, though. No roller coasters, but maybe a 50’s theme restaurant or two. As for that covered thing they have there, I say leave it covered because it’s mysteriousness adds to the draw. Oh, and I get free season passes to Mecca for coming up with the idea.
I know no one could think my idea was bad, so please comment on how much of a genius I am.
That’s it Frank! We’re releasing the platypi!
Muslims in france? But what if the muslims teach the french to bathe? All that would be left to the french people of their culture would be snobbery and cowardess.
I did notice that you left North Korea out of your muslim dispersion equation. Good thinking. They would probably all drown in the Gulf of North Korea (such a lovely crater).
You misspelled ‘aloud’. It’s spelled ‘ulowd’.
Your welcome.
An epiphany can happen at the oddest of times.
Anyway, my vote is to send the rest of them to Frog land. Chirac can have ’em since he shows them such sympathy.
You’re a genius, Frank.
(I’m the only one who read the instructions.)
Thanks, Tars.
Bill,
Corrections are to be e-mailed. Grr.
Ironically enough, yesterday on the news I heard about a “middle east culture study school” in Paris. It was in the news because westerners going to the school were starting to adopt middle eastern practices…like the women were WILLINGLY wearing Burkas to class. OMG I thought, talk about the “old” feminist movement rolling over in their graves. Shesh. There was a complaint by one of the arab students who was attending the school that his western classmates were picking up the hard line, religious zelot teaching. He said something like “I came thousands of miles to get away from these people (read terrorists), but yet here they are.” That’s just nuts. So Frank, I agree, we should send them to France, since it appears there are quite a few there already.
How about taking current members of Hamas, Hezbollah, etc. and sending them to North Korea. As food.
Sadly France actually IS becoming a muslim country. They’re there and already taking over. The women are wearing burkas and veils in france because gangs of muslim men roaming the streets will rape unescorted females who aren’t covered from head to toe. Swell guys.
Frank, you are indeed a genius. But I think we can do one better: Temporarily move ALL the jews out. It will be tough, but they’re used to adversity. We’ll move them all to Texas for a short time. We’ll also give the good, well-behaved, non-Hamas, anti-al-Qiada arabs a chance to come too. Then while the good guys are in Texas living dude ranch style, we use a little thing called the “neutron bomb” on the whole f**king Middle East region. Kills everybody but leaves all the buildings standing. In a few years, the good guys move back, give us all the oil we want for cleaning up the mess, and ever’body’s happy!
Hermetic–they need to be sent to the CONGO as food……
P.S…. Frank, you are a genius!
Great idea Frank!
However, if your idea doesn’t work can we finally let the Israelis use their neutron bombs on the displaced Jordanians?
Frank, you’re an absolute genius – too much of one for me dare make any disparaging, belittling, comments about.
As a possible alternative to dispersing the Mohammedans to the four corners of the earth, may I humbly suggest gathering them all in one place so we can keep an eye on them. Maybe we could put them in Greenland – we could move the Esquimaux to the Middle East (where they’d be warm), and our troops wouldn’t have to go far for target practice to keep an eye on them.
Errata.
This less than Frank-class genius goofed.
Please read the above as … for me to dare make …”.
Okay, I expect it from the Communist News Network and PMSNBC but what the hell is wrong with Fox News?
“Activists”? WTF?
Yes Frank, genius.
oops sorry-I forgot to praise-
::with eyes glazed::
Frank J is a genius. Frank J is a sexy genius. All hail Frank J the genius.
::collapses::
Why send the dumb ones to Australia? Is that any way to reward an ally? I say Anarctica. Maybe the heat of the Middle East got to them and the cold could do them some good. Plus, it would be kind of funny to watch them try to strap explosive vests on polar bears.
I say wall off California (after giving do notice for those good people to leave) and place as many of them there as possible. It would be easy to keep on eye on them and it would not require foreign troop deployments when we have to “deal” with some of them for misbehavior.
Frank P, great idea…but it’s only a temporary one (they’ll eventually escape and try to take revenge).
So what we gotta do is put ’em all in southern California, then drop a few Daisycutters and MOABs on the San Andreas Fault inducing the Big One. Terrorist Pond Scum; meet Pacific Ocean!
What the f*** did Australia ever do to you Frank!? Why not just send us all your commies and other lefty trash as well and really stuff the place up. Next time Dubya says to our Johnnie “walk like a duck, baldy” we may actually take offense.
Oh, I almost forgot. Release the Drop Bears…Ah hahahahha!!!!!
All I was saying is that Australia has a lot of open space where terrorist can roam free and be bit by dingos. I like Australia.
hee hee I would love to hear an Islamo Terrorist yelling, “that dingo got my baby”, it may not have the same effect in their crazy gibberish though.
your a genius Frank J
Frank, you are a genius.
One suggestion, though. Perhaps instead of Australia, we could use Canada. Like the land Down Under, Canada offers much open, uninhabited space for terrorists to roam free, especially above the Arctic Circle. It offers one further advantage, though: the Australian outback’s dry, hot, desert climate would provide a small measure of familiarity and comfort to a Middle Easterner; whereas the frozen tundra, where sub-zero wind blasts shear through several layers of even the most protective clothing and cause exhaled breath to fall to the ground in a mist of ice crystals, would offer no such succor. Also, Canada’s prime minister is a dick-head.
Im with Dean. Leave us Aussies be :p
There is already a bunch of terrorists running around Canada; that’s part of the problem (for us, that is).