I got a busy week, so I’m not going to be able to spoil you like last week with all my regular posting plus The Limey. I know, you don’t care. You’re saying, “You’re our clown here to amuse us. Now dance for us! Dance! Ha ha ha!” Well, as John F’n Kerry would say, I served in Vietnam.
There are some suggestions that Hillary Clinton could be John Kerry’s running mate. That would be historical for a number of reasons if Kerry gets elected. First, she’d be the first ever female vice president and second Kerry would then break the record set by William Henry Harrison for shortest term in office by “mysteriously” dying within an hour of being inaugurated.
There are also some people reading the Constitution and disputing what the meaning of “is” is and saying that Bill Clinton could run for Vice President. This would seem to serve no purpose, though, than to make me go on a murder spree. Why do people want me to go on a murder spree?
I never had much of an opinion on this whole Martha Stewart case, but it seems to me she had a bum rap. What was she convicted for? Lying to federal officials? Who doesn’t do that? Once, I said to a cop, “Nice day, officer.”
Total BS. The day was crummy.
So what? You going to put me in prison now? Still, Martha Stewart in prison could be cool for some. They’d register their car and get their license plates and remarked, “Wow, someone really put some work into this one. They did so much with just indented print and a little paint. It’s a good thing.”
I wonder how much you could get for an authentic Martha Stewart license plate on Ebay? Can you sell license plates on Ebay? Ahh, screw Ebay; they won’t even let you sell guns.
Iraq now has a constitution. All they need now is strength, dexterity, intelligence, wisdom, and charisma and they’ll be ready to go.
Did I just make a Dungeon & Dragons role playing joke? Bad geek Frank! I stab you and you die now!
I had mentioned the idea of a wallet gun before, and even people in my college gun club thought that was dumb. Still, in the latest issue of Gun Tests magazine they gave a good review to a $345 Kel-Tec P3AT .380 (made just north of me in Cocoa, Florida) that fits in your back pocket. They also recommend a $35 pocket holster for it that gives it the profile of a wallet. Then, if someone asks for your money, you can go like your reaching for you wallet, but instead pull out your .380 and shoot the guy – which works great if you’re being mugged but not so good if your supposed to be paying for a Slurpee. The only problem with that is where would I put my actual wallet? Oh! I could buy one of those fanny pack holsters and put it in there along with another gun. Now all I’ll need is to get a second .45 to replace my PPK and I’ll be set. I’ll have my primary gun, my secondary (sinister) gun (the second .45), a backup gun (maybe a .38 special that goes in the fanny pack), and a surprise gun for when a gun is already on me (the wallet gun). That would be so cool! Now all I need to do is move to a place with more crime. I hear Cocoa is pretty bad.
I have a confession to make: I like Chunky Monkey ice cream. Yes, I like an ice cream with “monkey” in the title that is made by Vermont hippies. It’s just it’s such creamy, yummy banana ice cream with big chunks of chocolate and walnut. I guess the only compensation is that Ben & Jerry’s ice cream is too expensive for poor people to buy, who’ll have to settle with the supermarket brand ice cream like starving people in Ethiopia. Anyway, I hope you all still respect me as a blogger; I just had to get that off my chest.
Finally, and most importantly, I’d like to say that the blogosphere is more that just news commentary, made up stories about an angry dog, and telling completely true lies about the blending of puppies; I like to think we’re a community too. Right now, one of us needs help. Serenity had broken her ankle and needs surgery. She has a lot of bills, and she won’t be able to have any income for two months as she recovers. She has some veteran benefits, but that won’t cover everything. Serenity was instrumental in getting Front Line Voices up and keeping it running, putting a lot of time into that, and she means a lot to me at least. If you have anything to spare, please go to Serenity’s site and give her a little help during her down time. It’s the American way to help out each other (and I consider all my readers American… even the Canadians). In the least, go wish her well.
Oh, and if you’re Whitler, finish your damn essay because it would make her happy.
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In general you can’t sell firearms online, unless you can prove you have an FFL. So we should make FFL’s free so everyone (except The Children (TM), mentally insane, felons, and monkeys) can get one. Then Ebay would have to allow the sale of firearms.
Frank, why don’t you just buy a chrome plated .44? Wouldn’t the sheer size and power intimidate all those around you (not to mention impress the chicks as well?)?
First you admit to liking something with ‘monkey’ in the title. Then you admit to liking a product made by stinking Vermont hippies.
Your veering dangerously towards the edge of supporting a Kerry-H. Clinton nomination.
SNAP OUT OF IT, FRANK!!!
Don’t make us all show up at your house for an intervention!
Ben & Jerry’s isn’t made by hippies, it’s made by Eeevil Multinational Capitalist Conglomerate Unilever. They understandably try to hide that fact, but it’s true.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with eating monkey. It would be a really great way to feed starving children and take care of the monkey menace at the same time.
Is it ok to eat chicagoans?
mmmm. chunky monkey. that reminds me, i’m fresh out. i ate a whole pint during the oscars, in honor of the oliphant crushing michael moore. that stuff is divine. don’t be ashamed. like ian said, you’re supporting capitalism; ben and jerry are only poser hippies.
Frank, I know this is not a Limey post but, OF all things, Grimsby made the Drudgereport. Drudge linked to this story this morning. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/3545679.stm
I hate to seem cruel but that is a damn funny story too…
For those on a budget (read: would rather not spend $10 a pint on ice cream), check out Breyer’s Banana Fudge Chunk. It’s a frozen half-gallon of heaven.
You should reference D&D more often, Frank.
“First, she’d (Clinton) be the first ever female vice president”
Is Hitlary a woman?
Wow, this is such an educational site. I learn lots of things here.
Carry your wallet in your left front trouser pocket. (reverse if lefthanded.) The front pants pockets are much harder for a pickpocket to work with. We guys tend to notice somebody fishin’ around near the center of our universe. If your shootin’ iron is small enough, say a J-Frame Smith&Wesson try a pocket holster, right front. It ain’t ‘zactly a smart idea to be sittin’ on yer armaments, more so that a back pocket carry puts the cheek and the whole leg to sleep. Bad enough that you gotta stand up to draw but then you fall down and the last thing you hear is the bad guy laughing as he kills you. Carrying that memory into the Afterlife would be almost as bad as being French. Don’t bet on him laughing so hard he can’t kill you. It’s funny but it ain’t THAT funny.
The beauty of the pocket holster is that the bad guy WANTS you to reach in your pocket. By the time he realises that’s not your wallet in your hand you can get two or three shots off. Make ’em count.
What’s D&D? does it have anything to do with whips, chains and leather underwear? I don’t want nuthin’ to do with it if it does.
“All they need now is strength, dexterity, intelligence, wisdom, and charisma and they’ll be ready to go.”
I found myself doing a “doubletake” at that one – recognizing it before I read the D&D joke tipoff…
Recently I was closet-cleaning and came across an old jar with my set of red-lucite RNG’s. My son exclaimed “Wow! What are those? Can I have ’em?” I explained what a blast we had using our IMAGINATIONS when we were kids. Somewhere, oh probably around the middle of my first sentence, his eyes glazed over. He finally shrugged and went back to his damned PS2.
Being a geek used to mean something, you know?
Frank,
Just carry a Ultra-compact .45ACP 1911-style pistol in a grip-up Small of the back holster. so you reach back like for your wallet, and not to the side like a pancake or inside the pants holster, but come out with the steel. and if you are carrying anything less than a .45ACP flying-ashtray shooter (Look at a .45ACP hollowpoint… kinda like a friggin miniature ashtray, ain’t it), you deserve to get robbed.
FOR THE RECORD, I CARRY A .45ACP KIMBER CUSTOM TLE II AND A .45ACP SPRINGFIELD ULTRA-COMPACT AS MY BACK UP. GOD BLESS JOHN BROWNING, MAY HE REST IN PEACE. AND IF YOU CAN FIND BLACK TALONS. BUY THEM!! OR I WILL SELL YOU A FEW BOXES OF MINE. ($50/20RDS) OR JUST GET SPEER GOLD-DOTS.
“There are some suggestions that Hillary Clinton could be John Kerry’s running mate. That would be historical for a number of reasons if Kerry gets elected”
Don’t you mean hysterical?
They don’t allow you to have guns on college properties because they want you to expand your mind. For example, if you learn the right things in chemistry class you can defend yourself without a fire arm. You don’t want to know what you can do with a good microbiology lab.
Guns and D&D in the same post! This is the best post ever! I have a .45, a .357, and a +4 flaming vorpal bastard sword. Any ninja monkeys coming into MY yard are in for a world of hurt.
On the pocket gun thing, if you’re willing to spend about twice the cost of that Kel-Tec, you could get a Kahr PM40, which is about the same size and holds 6 rounds of .40 S&W, and can also be carried in a pocket holster. They also make a version in 9mm, for the pansies out there.
And about the Black Talons, don’t bother. If you know where to look, you can get modern Winchester Ranger ammo, which is an improved version of the Black Talon. It’s normally only sold to law enforcement, but that’s only Winchester’s company policy – a few dealers ignore it (contrary to popular belief, Black Talons were never banned, just pulled from the shelves before the government could do anything). And besides, it’s not a good idea to carry any pistol ammo if you haven’t had the chance to put at least 200 rounds of that particular ammo through your gun to make sure it functions properly. If that means shooting $500 worth of ammo, it’s really not worth it. (Of course, if you have a revolver, that’s not an issue.)
That’s always been my concern about fancy stuff like the Mag-Safe ammo – way too expensive to fire a number of rounds through the gun to see how it feeds.
Good Natured Cynic: I live in a dorm as well, if they let you get away with having paintball “markers”, ah heck, they’re guns, they work just about as well. Toss some marbles in and you’re good to go (heck, at 300+ fps the target won’t really have the time to laugh that you don’t have a “real” gun).
Another option would be to study Kendo and keep a katana at hand. (or both – my personal choice).
Joe Mama…..yeah, i gelatin tested Black Talons, speer Gold Dots, federal Hydra-shoks, and the golden sabers. Black Talons were the best, followd closely by gold dots, hydra shoks, and GS’s. All in all, if you hit someone with any of them, they won’t be happy. or alive.
Chunky Monkey for me is a guilty pleasure, so I rarely eat it. I say “guilty” because whenever I do, it doesn’t take long to reflect on where the money goes to. As for Hitlery, if she were elected Vice President and an “accident” did in the President, she could appoint a Vice President that so inept and repulsive that he’ll make her unimpeachable – one example: ex-governor Gray Davis of California.
Cavtrooper there is no need to shout! You have a gun, it negates need to shout, just wave it around and people will get the picture.
You people speak as you USED TO play D and D, but I know many of you geek still have your stuff stashed on the top shelf on the closet, just in case of “the call”.
I remember thinking about college’s no-gun rule, which helped me make up my mind to live off campus. SO that way I could have what the liberal media refers to as an “arsenal.”
also, D&D … Come on Frank…
I have one piece of advice about being mugged.
Before Benito Guiliani took over NY it used to much scarier. When I was 16-20 I had friends who lived there so I went a lot. One friend in particular lived on 149th st in Manhatten. For non-NYers, that’s about 20 feet from the South Bronx or Harlem. Not a happy neighborhood, especiallly for whitey.
I used to carry 1$ in one pocket. When I was mugged I gave the guy the dollar. He demanded more, I told him that was all I had.
I kept my wallet, other money, airline ticket, passport etc. and he got a dollar.
The best part was that a cop was a block away so I got him and the guy was arrested.
Woo-hoo. I don’t know what his sentence was, but whatever it was it was for a dollar.
A similar trick worked when I was robbed after closing up a gas station where I worked. He got the 75$ ‘drawer’ and didn’t get the 100’s$ in sales money.
Always separate out a small amount for if you are mugged. It was worth a dollar to me to not have to fight my way out. In NY only the muggers are armed.
“In NY only the muggers are armed.”
Well, them and the drug dealers. And the rapists. And the murderers. And the cops.
Hmm, well hell, I guess everyone in New York except the law-abiding citizen is armed! Woohoo! That’s got to be, like, the safest place on Earth!
PS: The Kel-Tec P3AT is lighter and smaller than any Kahr could dream of being.
In general you can’t sell firearms online, unless you can prove you have an FFL. So we should make FFL’s free so everyone (except The Children (TM), mentally insane, felons, and monkeys) can get one. Then Ebay would have to allow the sale of firearms.
Frank, why don’t you just buy a chrome plated .44? Wouldn’t the sheer size and power intimidate all those around you (not to mention impress the chicks as well?)?
Did I just get the D&D reference? ..and laugh? …AND email it to a friend?
Bad BAD geek Mike!
First you admit to liking something with ‘monkey’ in the title. Then you admit to liking a product made by stinking Vermont hippies.
Your veering dangerously towards the edge of supporting a Kerry-H. Clinton nomination.
SNAP OUT OF IT, FRANK!!!
Don’t make us all show up at your house for an intervention!
Ben & Jerry’s isn’t made by hippies, it’s made by Eeevil Multinational Capitalist Conglomerate Unilever. They understandably try to hide that fact, but it’s true.
Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey ice cream!?!?!? HOW COULD YOU FRANK!?!? HOW COULD YOU!?!?
OK, I’m over it. btw – try chubby hubby – it’s pretty good too!
There is absolutely nothing wrong with eating monkey. It would be a really great way to feed starving children and take care of the monkey menace at the same time.
Is it ok to eat chicagoans?
Cherry Garcia beats Chunky Monkey with its chocolate chunks tied behind its back!
mmmm. chunky monkey. that reminds me, i’m fresh out. i ate a whole pint during the oscars, in honor of the oliphant crushing michael moore. that stuff is divine. don’t be ashamed. like ian said, you’re supporting capitalism; ben and jerry are only poser hippies.
Ben and Jerry’s donates money to gun-control groups. They can bite my ass.
Whittle making me wait makes me want to kill people…
…or monkeys
Frank, I know this is not a Limey post but, OF all things, Grimsby made the Drudgereport. Drudge linked to this story this morning. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/3545679.stm
I hate to seem cruel but that is a damn funny story too…
I understood the D&D allusion…and laughed…yep. Geek…guilty as charged. B-)
For those on a budget (read: would rather not spend $10 a pint on ice cream), check out Breyer’s Banana Fudge Chunk. It’s a frozen half-gallon of heaven.
You should reference D&D more often, Frank.
“First, she’d (Clinton) be the first ever female vice president”
Is Hitlary a woman?
Wow, this is such an educational site. I learn lots of things here.
Roll for damages.
Carry your wallet in your left front trouser pocket. (reverse if lefthanded.) The front pants pockets are much harder for a pickpocket to work with. We guys tend to notice somebody fishin’ around near the center of our universe. If your shootin’ iron is small enough, say a J-Frame Smith&Wesson try a pocket holster, right front. It ain’t ‘zactly a smart idea to be sittin’ on yer armaments, more so that a back pocket carry puts the cheek and the whole leg to sleep. Bad enough that you gotta stand up to draw but then you fall down and the last thing you hear is the bad guy laughing as he kills you. Carrying that memory into the Afterlife would be almost as bad as being French. Don’t bet on him laughing so hard he can’t kill you. It’s funny but it ain’t THAT funny.
The beauty of the pocket holster is that the bad guy WANTS you to reach in your pocket. By the time he realises that’s not your wallet in your hand you can get two or three shots off. Make ’em count.
What’s D&D? does it have anything to do with whips, chains and leather underwear? I don’t want nuthin’ to do with it if it does.
“All they need now is strength, dexterity, intelligence, wisdom, and charisma and they’ll be ready to go.”
I found myself doing a “doubletake” at that one – recognizing it before I read the D&D joke tipoff…
Recently I was closet-cleaning and came across an old jar with my set of red-lucite RNG’s. My son exclaimed “Wow! What are those? Can I have ’em?” I explained what a blast we had using our IMAGINATIONS when we were kids. Somewhere, oh probably around the middle of my first sentence, his eyes glazed over. He finally shrugged and went back to his damned PS2.
Being a geek used to mean something, you know?
Frank, you rule.
Frank,
Just carry a Ultra-compact .45ACP 1911-style pistol in a grip-up Small of the back holster. so you reach back like for your wallet, and not to the side like a pancake or inside the pants holster, but come out with the steel. and if you are carrying anything less than a .45ACP flying-ashtray shooter (Look at a .45ACP hollowpoint… kinda like a friggin miniature ashtray, ain’t it), you deserve to get robbed.
FOR THE RECORD, I CARRY A .45ACP KIMBER CUSTOM TLE II AND A .45ACP SPRINGFIELD ULTRA-COMPACT AS MY BACK UP. GOD BLESS JOHN BROWNING, MAY HE REST IN PEACE. AND IF YOU CAN FIND BLACK TALONS. BUY THEM!! OR I WILL SELL YOU A FEW BOXES OF MINE. ($50/20RDS) OR JUST GET SPEER GOLD-DOTS.
I don’t have a gun. The residence halls don’t allow them. That makes me sad.
When you have a gun, you get to tell people what’s allowed and what isn’t.
Such what ?
Cavtrooper: Tried Remington Golden Sabers? Same effect (pie-sliced HP) fewer $$, and still available.
“There are some suggestions that Hillary Clinton could be John Kerry’s running mate. That would be historical for a number of reasons if Kerry gets elected”
Don’t you mean hysterical?
They don’t allow you to have guns on college properties because they want you to expand your mind. For example, if you learn the right things in chemistry class you can defend yourself without a fire arm. You don’t want to know what you can do with a good microbiology lab.
Exposed! Frank J is a fraud!
The truth spills out! He likes monkies AND hippies!I like Chunky Monkey ice cream. Yes, I like an ice cream
Guns and D&D in the same post! This is the best post ever! I have a .45, a .357, and a +4 flaming vorpal bastard sword. Any ninja monkeys coming into MY yard are in for a world of hurt.
On the pocket gun thing, if you’re willing to spend about twice the cost of that Kel-Tec, you could get a Kahr PM40, which is about the same size and holds 6 rounds of .40 S&W, and can also be carried in a pocket holster. They also make a version in 9mm, for the pansies out there.
And about the Black Talons, don’t bother. If you know where to look, you can get modern Winchester Ranger ammo, which is an improved version of the Black Talon. It’s normally only sold to law enforcement, but that’s only Winchester’s company policy – a few dealers ignore it (contrary to popular belief, Black Talons were never banned, just pulled from the shelves before the government could do anything). And besides, it’s not a good idea to carry any pistol ammo if you haven’t had the chance to put at least 200 rounds of that particular ammo through your gun to make sure it functions properly. If that means shooting $500 worth of ammo, it’s really not worth it. (Of course, if you have a revolver, that’s not an issue.)
That’s always been my concern about fancy stuff like the Mag-Safe ammo – way too expensive to fire a number of rounds through the gun to see how it feeds.
Good Natured Cynic: I live in a dorm as well, if they let you get away with having paintball “markers”, ah heck, they’re guns, they work just about as well. Toss some marbles in and you’re good to go (heck, at 300+ fps the target won’t really have the time to laugh that you don’t have a “real” gun).
Another option would be to study Kendo and keep a katana at hand. (or both – my personal choice).
Joe Mama…..yeah, i gelatin tested Black Talons, speer Gold Dots, federal Hydra-shoks, and the golden sabers. Black Talons were the best, followd closely by gold dots, hydra shoks, and GS’s. All in all, if you hit someone with any of them, they won’t be happy. or alive.
Amazing! I just finished some Chunky Monkey before checking out your blog!
Kismet!
Come on guys. Surely you’ve heard of the Nuge’s ice cream of choice:
http://www.starspangledicecream.com/
Chunky Monkey for me is a guilty pleasure, so I rarely eat it. I say “guilty” because whenever I do, it doesn’t take long to reflect on where the money goes to. As for Hitlery, if she were elected Vice President and an “accident” did in the President, she could appoint a Vice President that so inept and repulsive that he’ll make her unimpeachable – one example: ex-governor Gray Davis of California.
Cavtrooper there is no need to shout! You have a gun, it negates need to shout, just wave it around and people will get the picture.
You people speak as you USED TO play D and D, but I know many of you geek still have your stuff stashed on the top shelf on the closet, just in case of “the call”.
I remember thinking about college’s no-gun rule, which helped me make up my mind to live off campus. SO that way I could have what the liberal media refers to as an “arsenal.”
also, D&D … Come on Frank…
I have one piece of advice about being mugged.
Before Benito Guiliani took over NY it used to much scarier. When I was 16-20 I had friends who lived there so I went a lot. One friend in particular lived on 149th st in Manhatten. For non-NYers, that’s about 20 feet from the South Bronx or Harlem. Not a happy neighborhood, especiallly for whitey.
I used to carry 1$ in one pocket. When I was mugged I gave the guy the dollar. He demanded more, I told him that was all I had.
I kept my wallet, other money, airline ticket, passport etc. and he got a dollar.
The best part was that a cop was a block away so I got him and the guy was arrested.
Woo-hoo. I don’t know what his sentence was, but whatever it was it was for a dollar.
A similar trick worked when I was robbed after closing up a gas station where I worked. He got the 75$ ‘drawer’ and didn’t get the 100’s$ in sales money.
Always separate out a small amount for if you are mugged. It was worth a dollar to me to not have to fight my way out. In NY only the muggers are armed.
In my defense, I had to google search what the six D&D stats are.
yeah…and I’m sure the “chunky monkey” you like to eat is really just ice cream…scampers away, giggling evilly
sorry, didnt mean to yell
sorry, didnt mean to yell
sorry, didnt mean to double post
Learning about the ice cream is a huge blow…but I still respect you.
“In NY only the muggers are armed.”
Well, them and the drug dealers. And the rapists. And the murderers. And the cops.
Hmm, well hell, I guess everyone in New York except the law-abiding citizen is armed! Woohoo! That’s got to be, like, the safest place on Earth!
PS: The Kel-Tec P3AT is lighter and smaller than any Kahr could dream of being.