Sal from Chicago, IL writes:
The new terrorist bombers from the paleswinians are female. Prior to this, they kept their females for breeding purposes and only offed them for “honor” killings. They breed at a rate of X per year and used to kill themselves off at a rate of Y per year, but now, with female bombers, their breeding rate should be slower. How soon before they’re gone?
First of all, they’re “Palestinians”. There is no reason to use name calling against sub-human murderers. Secondly, the last female bomber abandoned two children when she blew herself up, thus there was no net loss. They’re wilier than you think.
Phelps, from the state of Denial, asks:
Given that John Kerry won’t say who the world leaders are who have endorsed him, what are the chances that he has secured the Fascist McFascist endoresment and doesn’t want anyone to know so that the Limey doesn’t find out and try to assassinate him by shouting Rage Against the Machine lyrics at him until Kerry cuts his own head off to escape the singing, and how are you coping with the knowledge that I totally kicked your ass in the “Win Frank’s Funny” contest even though I wasn’t an official participant? Does beer help?
As for your first question, I don’t want to answer that. Saying Kerry secured the Fascist McFascist vote sounds too much like a polemic… even if it’s true. Maybe I’ll speak up if I see him eating apricots.
As for your second question, you weren’t a participant, so you didn’t even get a chance to lose. In any fair fight, I would have beaten you and anyone else. That’s what defines “fair”.
Laurence Simon from Houston, TX writes:
I like eating Hebrew National Beef Franks.
I looked all over the grocery store but I couldn’t find the other (insert language here) National Beef Franks? No French National Beef Franks. No Spanish National Beef Franks. No Swahili National Beef Franks.
Did they all go out of business or something?
Yay! It’s Laurence! One of my first questioners (who then got me accused of blasphemy).
As for your question, haven’t you heard the jingle, “No one makes a frank like a Hebrew.”?
Actually, the real answer is less singable. While the Latin National Beef Franks and the Aramaic National Beef Franks did go out of business, the rest were destroyed by the Zionist Conspiracy (except for the French National Beef Franks which was acquire in a hostile takeover by the German National Beef Franks). We could be eating all sorts of National Beef Franks if it weren’t for the jooooos!
Sorry; I just like shouting, “Jooooos!”
BerkeleyGirl (presumably in Berkeley) writes:
I have a critical question. I’m in ROTC (scholarship, thank you very much) and am contracted, which means that as soon as I graduate from college in a few short years, I will be immediately contracted into the Army and shipped out. I have no problem with this, as I did apply to get into the program (and wasn’t drafted or anything!) My real problem is this- What if, by some strange chance, i.e. “voter problems” in Florida, we all turn socialist like the Spanish, or some other crazy thing, Kerry actually becomes President? That would mean that he’d be my Commander in Chief and I’d have to do what he says. So, in the offchance that he does pull off enough votes to beat out a real American for the position of President, should I stick with the Army and just bite my tongue (argh, superiors!) or run away to Canada like a sissy? (Hell, nevermind Canada, if I’m going to be a deserter might as well go somewhere nice… like Jamaica… I don’t know, I’ll have time to figure that out later). Thanks for any suggestions.
P.S. I’m still waiting for my free t-shirt so I can send you the pics… and if you do ever come to California, I’m here! (and so is CCinCali, and a lot of my good -younger- friends who are major fans of yours)… just throwing that out there…
I say, if Kerry gets elected, the military will need you more than ever. Democrats are always trying to turn the military into some little social club, and we need lots of right minded people (especially the large scary ones with guns) in the military to dissuade them. The military still kept it’s killing power during the Clinton years, and they can survive a John F’n Kerry.
As for your P.S., maybe I can visit my sister in Cali and say, “Hi.” I really should do a national tour just for the ladies, instead of staying here in Melbourne, Florida where there are no women and I keep growing more bitter each day.
Hey! I could do like a blogger version of The Bachelor! That’s one to file away for later…
Alex from Ye Olde England writes:
I have a absolutely wonderful blonde Republican g/f(gotta be nice as she reads this site), but unfortunately we are separated by over 3500 miles – she goes to College in Cali and I’m in the UK. Any advice on how to keep our own “special relationship” working with such a distance until I make the move to the US after graduating?
All the single women here in America I claim as my own; stay way from them! Why do need to find women here when you have your Margaret Thatcherseses in England?
Mike Webster from Dallas, Texas writes:
Please explain in simple layperson terms what a “quark” is, and why we cannot see them with our ordinary human-like eyes.
While you’re at it, how many “quarks”, if laid end to end, would fit in the ashtray of a 1999 Ford Explorer?
Quarks are the smallest know unit of matter (well the top quark isn’t that small) and they make up electrons and protons and maybe neutrons. They sit on the borderline between energy and matter. If you can’t see them, then just look harder.
Keep looking!
As for your second question, let’s count.
One.
Two.
Three.
:: crunch ::
Three.
Wait, what were we talking about?
Blake Hitchcock from McMinnville, Tennessee writes:
If a car is a moving at 60 miles per hour, then anything attached to or inside of said car is moving at 60 mile per hour.
Einstein said nothing can travel faster than the speed of light.
If the headlights are on, and a the car is moving 60 miles per hour, then wouldn’t the light be traveling at light speed plus 60?
No, because of relativity.
…
Oh, how does relativity work, you ask. Well, its… uh… I know I heard the answer to this before… it’s because when something going to speed of light is observed it looks the speed of light to someone both in the car and outside because… uh… Hey! What’s that over there!
(runs away)
Please keep the questions coming (I would especially like more science and math questions), <a href=”mailto:THISISSPAMTHISISSPAMace you’re from, I’ll randomly select one.
first!!
Good post man…i was needing a funny
Dear Frank J.
With all respect, I think the mother of 2 bomber does represent a gain (or a net loss), or something. Normally, they have 10 or 12 offspring.
Dang, Adam pooped his pants (aka beat me to the first spot)! I think that last question met all of the criteria for being a “frank” question with a “frank” answer. Get it?? hehe
Hey, Alex,
“I have a absolutely wonderful blonde Republican g/f”
Yeah, right. Now tell us about how you were seduced at the age of twelve by your really horny English teacher and her two teenage lesbian girlfriends.
I’m just going away for a while to errrm, think about that. Bye now. (Bi now, geddit?)
Lesbians aren’t funny. At least not in Ann Arbor, ’cause most are ugly and feminist (maybe that’s why they can’t get any guys….)
I don’t hate gay people….I just get tired of hearing about them. Kinda like Pokemon.
The way I see it, you could make your tour to find females as a part of your blogging. That would increase your readership and therefore your advertising profitability. That makes the tour a business thing and the expenses could possibly be written off at tax time.
Only you could find a way to chase women and save money in the process. Now that’s smart.
I find it strange that the number if quarks is identical the the number of licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop. Is this some sort of universal constant like pi or avagadro’s number?
Scott-
No, the answer is obvious. It’s a Zionist plot by the joooos.
Damn them and their global Toosie-Pop kabal.
Why do [you] need to find women here when you have your Margaret Thatcherseses in England?
Um, Frank, I think you just answered your own question.
Is it my imagination or did you add more questions?
If you noticed, there was a line at the bottom saying more quesiton were forthcoming (though it’s gone now because I’m done).
The problem, Frank, is that some people are confused when lines go away. You’ll probably want to add a line that discusses the fact that the line that was there isn’t there anymore. (You won’t want to remove the new line because of the tomes required to explain its absence.)
This is the end of this comment.
and a lot of my good -younger- friends who are major fans of yours)… just throwing that out there…
Alright, Berkeleygirl.. You and your younger friends can have him first…but when you’re done send him my way…Oh, and please don’t wear him out too much. I have a “to do” list for him..
🙂
It is my goal to one day have the first permanently-installed stomach-cam.
Hey, Alex? Break out yer map, boyo! UK to Cali is around 5500 miles. You’ve got her somewhere around Philly.
No wonder she’s here and you’re there….
CCinCali… I’m always willing to share 😉
FRANK!! You didn’t answer my question.
“(I would especially like more science and math questions)”
HA! Yeah right. You’re wily and smooth though, so I am not surprised in the slightest.
Oh, and good luck with that babe tour. You should definitely find a way to write it off at tax time.
You wrote “Saying Kerry secured the Fascist McFascist vote sounds too much like a polemic… even if it’s true.”
How many Spaniards did Franco kill? How was every Spaniard, at 18, interviewed and perhaps arrested for thoughts not in harmony with the State?
King Juan Carlos of Spain was picked by Franco, and still sits on the Spanish Throne.
Aznar is the protege of Fraga Iribarne, who
* ran the Information and Tourism Ministry, and was Ambassador to the UK for Franco
* who was, if only briefly, head of the Ministry of the Interior (75-76), an organization with a bloody history that certainly didn’t completely stop being bloody under Irigane
* founded the Popular Party, and was perhaps the mentor to Aznar directly.
(http://www.mellenpress.com/emp/mellenpress.cfm?bookid=3709&pc=9)
* who is reportedly a holocaust denier
* who is currently President of Galicia
If you want to talk about Fascist links to American Presidential Contenders, you have no further to look than Aznar-Bush.
It’s not the speed of light + 60 mph because time slows down the closer you go. And since speed = dist/time…
Aw hell, you do the math.
Frank, check your facts, electrons aren’t made up of quarks. Electrons are fundamental particles.
If you are going the speed of light, you don’t experience time.
If you are traveling at the speed of light, you do still experience time, but you just don’t see happening. However, if you look in the direction opposite of your travel, then you will see yourself having been moving toward where you currently are. Also, you will see everthing else in the state it was (if I remember rightly) c * / ( – ) seconds ago (assuming that measurements are in meters, seconds, and meters per second; and, that for all the time when you were moving away from it, you were at speed c). However, I probably don’t remember it rightly, but it’s something like that.
Aww crap, the server removed the angle brackets and everything between them, instead of replacing them with the HTML escape codes < >. It was supposed to say:
“Also, you will see everthing else in the state it was (if I remember rightly) c * / ([it’s distance away now] – [it’s distance away when you started moving away from it]) seconds ago (assuming that measurements are in meters, seconds, and meters per second; and, that for all the time when you were moving away from it, you were at speed c).”
WTF!!!!
“< >”
Damn, I’ve have to make up for your lammacode twice.
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