Guess which limey I just got an e-mail from this morning? That’s right: the limey. And he’s upped the crazy just for us. I won’t have time to respond until tomorrow, though.
He keeps e-mailing me back like this, I’m going to have to give him a commission for the great material just to be fair.
I must be a compassionate conservative – I’m thinking we all ought to chip in and buy this limey a sense of humor. But then Frank wouldn’t have such great material to work with, and we wouldn’t be able to laugh at him without him knowing it. Decisions, decisions!
Make an inference that he’s not English but actually a Frenchman who, like Napolean, has been expelled from his homeland. Nothing the Brits HATE more than being regarded as French.
You know if you keep feeding him he won’t go away.
Ooo! Ooo! Will there be more interesting word substitutions? Would you consider using “platypus,” “iconoclast,” “bodacious,” “intrepid,” or “raspberry?” Perhaps even a new category: Intrepid raspberry limey iconoclasts!
Maybe I can have a contest where people suggest words for substitutions.
Perhaps you should send him this definition with your next response:
Sarchasm: The distance between the user of sarcastic humor and the recipient who just. doesn’t. get. it.
I think I went to school with this guy. If I remember rightly he used to get beaten up a lot.
Wow! This guy’s worse than Amphi. Almost.
Jonag, there is nobody who is worse than you.
Forget me.
OK.
Be nice to Amphi.
Frank, why so much favours ?
Are you making your mea culpa ?
Anyway, thank you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thank you.
It’s just that I think people are mean to you more from a lack of understanding.
You’re in a bad situation (well, France), and you want to get out. Maybe if you explain that better, someone here might have some advice to help, as you know quite well I don’t have any left.
Poor Amphi, gots a little trouble communicating in English and, as a result, keeps getting lumped in with the morons. You gotta figure, anybody who regularly reads Imao (as well as being a regular visitor to my site) can’t be too bad.
Amphitryon is cute and fuzzy, and fun to play with. Besides she makes my english look good 🙂
Frank, are you kiding when talking about an advice to help ?
You know the only way I expect any kind of help, and you know also that there are not any issue. I don’t expect any other kind of help than the help I have already called for.
Point.
End.
Nothing else to add.
Monster Kabasue, I am very good at English. It only depends how you understand it.
LibertyBob, thank you to notice that I must be brave to read both Frank’s and your sites.
Well, I have travelled on the cannibals territory, I have survived in France, I can survive also to IMAO.
Amphi, judging by your comments on Libertybob’s site it’s your diet that’s the problem.
Well, I was mostly kidding Bugbear. Why anyone would eat hot dogs cooked into a sandwich ? You say it’s horse. No, it is dog. It is said “HOT – DOG”.
And it’s true, ask anyone in the navy who traveled in the Strait Malacca, they’ll tell you that Sumatra is famous for eating dog. I promise you.
And I have eaten dog, but I don’t like it. I really much prefer snake. Soups of snake, meat of snake, it is all very good. Here is the story.
“I am very good at English. It only depends how you understand it.”
Pure Gold, going to have to use that, next time some one gives me a hard time with my speaking/typeing abilities.
Dog not that tasty huh? Have you tried cat? I have had snake, but I really enjoy Aligator
No, I have not tried cat. I have one sleeping just in front of me on my desk, and really, I would not eat it. I don’t either eat rabbits, because I have a rabbit, and I don’t eat veal, because the veals are good enough to share their mother’s milk with me since I was born.
Alligator. Sounds good. I had once a 7 meters long just in front of me and I would have eaten it if I would have could. Those animals are really monstrous.
I guess that dog and snake are the only strange thing I have eaten… with frogs. I love eating frogs….
Mmmmmm yummy.
I was born in La Rochelle which is properly a frog land, which is the reason why the Brits have never taken it. Too much swamps.
I mentioned cat knowing that you had one, I have a cat my self which has a habbit of trying to eat things that could quickly turn around and eat it. Currently there is an possum in the area, the cat has tried to eat it several times, each time it required a visit to the vet for stiches and swaves.
Rabbit is terribly untasty, I really don’t suggest it at all.
As for the veal, I am going to have to eat it up.
With all the pigs and cattle in the world, and considering that they taste excellent, why the hell would anyone bother eating anything else?
I have to admit that some of the Mexicans (Hispanic-Americans) around here can make a goat taste pretty damned dandy though.
mexicans themselves tend to taste pretty good as well.
People differenciate animals with plants. When it comes to food, veal is like artichokes or asparagus (i.e. if it’s raised for food then it’s food). Yes, I’ve eaten dog (Korea), aligator (Naw’lins), frog (guess where?), horse (see previous), quail and pigeon (England). Don’t condemn until you try. All had plusses and minuses (for me). Would I eat them again? Dog and horse won’t be on the list anytime soon but the rest may well be.
BTW: Amphi, I believe there’s a VERY nice hotel in La Rochelle that does an EXCELLENT veal tornedo with a reduced red wine sauce (or is it an au poivre?). Try it sometime.
Must…fight…urge…to respond to…eating…p-p-cat!
El Jefe, I was only born in La Rochelle, so maybe my mother remember best. I was raised in Tours, the Loire Valley, where we have very good recipes with and without pepper too.
I have eaten horse, veal, veal’s brain, sheep’s brain and not yet monkey, but I have eaten snails (yeuk) and worms (yeuk too) and cow’s stomach (yeuk, yeuk, yeuk, in Indonesia). I have also drunk crude pig blood, and of course pig meat. I have also eaten rabbit, because I was forced to, and what I really prefer is chicken. Pig is fine, but read this, and you’ll see how sometimes the appetite is more a matter of spirit.
El Jefe: Your comment is even better when you realize that the majority of the English Upper Clahs (…, dahling) is actually of FRENCH descent and the Royal Family is of mostly GERMAN blood (hey Bugbear, what were the Windsors before they changed their name?)
When I eat dog, I drink Jack Spaniels, the paws that refreshes.
MonkeyPants
Imperial Minion
Monkey meat ain
t so bad if you can get past the idea that youre eating a monkey.I uset to eat froglegs all the time when I was a teenager. A friend and I went frog gigging once and he reached for the frog at the exact same time I tried to gig it. The prongs went through his hand and I had to gut the barbs off with a pair of side cutters while he was screaming and crying and threatening me with death and destruction if his mom found out (we were 12).
The sad part was that the frog got away. It was a huge bullfrog.
I
ve never eaten in a Chinese or Korean resturaunt so I have never eaten cats or dogs.re OK.HAHAHAHA!!!!
Have you never wondered why there are not cats or dogs around those resturaubts?
P.S. Hi amphi, I think you
I try not to pick on people’s English if they speak twice as many languages as I do.
And Monster, next time try a little mustard in the batter with that wabbit. Takes all the gamey taste out of it.
Yee haa
Mmmmmmmmm, wabbit is yummy!!
Poor, poor Limey. Even our “poor” are better off then their average European citizens.
By John Hawkins
Of course, there are plenty of people who don’t have enough money to make ends meet in America. I’ve been there myself before and I’m sure plenty of you have been as well. But in truth, we really don’t know how many poor people there are in America today because the statistics we use to measure poverty are a complete load of bupkis that dramatically inflates the number of people who are supposedly in poverty. Ralph de Toledano explains what I’m talking about in an excellent editorial I’d recommend that you read in tote…
“Nearly 40 percent of all “poor” households owned their own homes, and the average home of those classified as “poor” by the Census Bureau is a three-bedroom house with a garage. More than 750,000 of the “poor” owned homes worth more than $100,000, and 71,000 owned $300,000 homes. Nearly 60 percent of “poor” homes have more than two rooms per person. That means that the “poor” have twice as much living space as the average Japanese. And the same percentage have air conditioning.
64 percent own a car; 14 percent own two or more.
74 percent own microwave ovens; 23 percent have automatic dishwashers; 91 percent have color television and 29 percent have two or more TVs.
“Poor” Americans are better off than the general population of Europe. “Poor” children eat more meat than do higher-income children and, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, have protein intakes 100 percent higher than middle-class children. The obesity rate is higher among the “poor” than among the middle class. The same report notes that the daily intake of such vitamins like E, C and thiamin among children in families below 75 percent of the poverty threshold is greater than among children in families 300 percent above that threshold.
…Analysis of Census reports by the Heritage Foundation notes three areas in which the government statistics are “radically” wrong:
1. “The Census Bureau fails to count most welfare benefits as income. For example, if a family received $4,000 in food stamps and $5,000 in housing aid, these benefits are treated as having zero income value.”
2. “The Census Bureau also undercounts household income because it fails to count the enormous ‘underground economy’ … consisting primarily of persons who perform work ‘off the books’ to avoid government taxes and regulations,” thereby increasing the number of the technically poor. These unreported earnings are estimated to be worth anywhere from $300 billion to $500 billion.
3. “The Census Bureau ignores household assets. In determining if a household is ‘poor’ the Census Bureau counts only the household’s income in the current year. It ignores all assets accumulated in prior years. Thus a businessman who has suffered losses and as a result has a zero or negative income for the current year will be counted officially as ‘poor’ even if he owns a home and has several million dollars in the bank.” So in a period of recession, when many people suffer a temporary drop in income or take investment losses, the number of “poor” increases substantially, even though it does not reflect national impoverishment.”
Yup, my income puts me in the poor bracket. But not to worry folks I am strugling my way to that 3rd car (one for me, one for the wife, and one to drive around on sudays for).
As I was reading this Limey’s message, I got stuck on him saying 1/8 Americans are in poverty?
Exactly what income range is considered poverty?
I am really enjoying this whole limey thing. Frank, I may try to find a Frenchmen to send you hatemail… what fun we all would have reading THAT!
The line that has 1/8 of the people under it, of course. I’m surprised he doesn’t use the 1/5 line though, I thought that was more common.
And no, I’m NOT joking, poverty lines are often defined such that a given percentage of people will always fall under them.
Kabasue, I’m not trying to decry the wealth and wonder of the U.S., but I’m not sure that you can base how great your life is on the number of cars you own. (There’s a bunch of pikeys just down the road from here with about fifteen of ’em. They don’t look all that happy.)
Took a while to get back to you, Dave, cos believe it or not we’re not all experts in the British royal family over here. It seems to be complicated by the fact that before 1917 they didn’t use surnames (I suppose there wasn’t much need – there probably weren’t that many “King Dave II”s in Bavaria at the same time.) Leaving all that aside, the nearest to a surname for these jokers that my extensive research has turned up is “Saxe-Coburg-Gotha”, which sounds pretty Kraut to me. During WW1 they decided, with a flash of intelligence they haven’t displayed since, that people might get upset by having a bunch of Germans in Buckingham Palace, and changed their name to Windsor, after the Castle they inhabited some of the time.
This throws up a couple of points:
1) Bearing in mind that WW1 in started in 1914, the fact that it took the royals three years to realise that they might be pissing people off shows that they were just about as in tune with their subjects then as they are today.
2) When they did realise they might be pissing people off, they thought that all they had to do was organise a name-change.
3) They got away with it. (Which tells you something about the mentality of the British. No, I’m not going to explain what that something might be – you work it out.)
Dave,
Like Patton’s aide said in the movie, “The Russians! Don’t forget the Russians!”
Amphi,
Have only driven through Tours and not stopped. Sorry that I can’t comment on your city. The Loire Valley is beautiful. Spent a week near Samur and Chinon.