It was a lot of fun getting questions for John Kerry, so let’s do it again but for Michael Moore. He ducked an interview on Fox News and won’t answer questions that aren’t prescreened, but what would you ask him if you were able to pose any question to him? Those who come up with the best questions get to ask me a question for Frank Answers™ (which reminds me: I still have the previous one to answer – maybe tomorrow).
So, what would you ask Michael Moore?
UPDATE: Contest is closed. Winners announced soon.
Hmmm
Mr. Moore, why are you using the 9/11 victims for personal profit?
You better hope that Hostess Corporation doesn’t sponsor terrorists, Mr. Moore, because that would make you singlehandedly responsible for 9/11.
Oops, that wasn’t really a question, was it?
My question is in two parts.
1) You seem to have an evolved view that will ensure the success of moral relativism in our country. Since history shows that moral relativism in fact can be the downfall of a society as Socrates warned the Greeks. Do you have future plans to film yourself drinking a cup of hemlock?
2)You said in your 60 minutes interview that you were representing working class guys like me. Could you expand on that?
ademantis,
It can easily be rephrased into one.
So whats next? why Rosevelt was responsible for Peral Harbor?
Is it true that the size of your ass is proportional to your ego?
I could go on, but…… Well hell I htink I will!
Here it comes…… Oh you’re gonna like this….
WHY ARE YOU SUCH A FAT STUPID F***ING IDIOT?!?!??!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1) If John Kerry had Heinz Ketchup on him, would you eat him too?
2) What are you waiting for, the MACH 5?
hello sir i represent the health and wellness industry, i was wondering if i could use you as a great before picture with the caption underneath being “before-from really fat, to almost (not quite) desireable)…”ahhhh screw the caption i’ll just make the font big enough to fit the picture (26…hmm 37)
Mike, could you hold up this bullseye? Oh, nevermind – forget the target, I don’t need it. Just hold still while I pace out about forty yards, turn and shoot.
Mr Moore, how many chins do you have? The pictures in the media really don’t do you justice, do they.
Mr Moore, when was the last time you had a Twinkie?
Mr Moore, have you considered going on the Subway diet like Jared?
Mr Moore, if you were a woodchuck, and you could chuck wood, would you make a documentary about fat woodchucks to fight the powers that be?
Mr Moore, how many licks does it take YOU to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
Mr Moore, is your IQ measured by the number of lawyers you have?
Mr Moore, have you done your chin excercises today?
Mr Moore, if you had a choice to be, or not to be, would you just stuff your face?
Mr Moore, can you tell us why you hate the news media?
Why did you feel the need to airbrush your image on the movie poster?
Mr. Moore, How many sleeping pills do you have to take at night to get a good night’s sleep?
Follow-up Question: Wouldn’t that large number of pills be considered an addiction?
Do you plan on checking yourself into rehab?
While in rehab will you be treated for your obviously serious mental illness?
Mr Moore, do you eat babies whole or do you spit out the bones when your done?
Mikey, do you think it’ll be hard to eat enough to maintain your current weight level with NO FRICKIN TEETH?
(PUNCH)
Mr. Moore,
1)If you and Sen. Kennedy of Mass. were riding in a car late one night after you were watching his children, would you die when he drove off the bridge or would the bridge just give way under the strain that the combined weight of your asses and kill you both?
2)It has been claimed that your movies were for the benifit of other people, such as workers laid off in Flint, the vitims of the Colubine shootings, the American people, &c.. Why don’t you give all your money to workers and victims and move to Canada (or even better, France) so you can really help America?
Sir, when was the last time you actually SAW your penis?
When you think of John Candy, do you ever stare into a mirror and say to yourself, “It should have been me…it should have been ME!!!”?
Mr. Moore, what did your mother do with the twin that lived?
What was that name again?
Michael who?
Sorry. No I’ve not seen your work.
Nope, none of them.
There’s really no reason to get upset. Why are you yelling? Really, you should probably calm down.
Stomping your feet and yelling isn’t really doing any good. Have you had your blood pressure checked.
I’m just saying, someone of your apparant health may want to relax. You just can’t throw a tantrum because someone says they don’t know you. You’ll blow a ring or something.
Excuse me, this guy just clutched his chest and fell over. Can someone get around to calling an ambulance?
(Walking away muttering) No better way to destroy an attention hog than to ignore them.
Mr. The Hut;
We have seen on multiple occasions now that, lacking any original thought, you wait around for something to happen and then make a movie loosely based on the event. Most recently you did not even think enough of your work to burn any calories thinking up a name for it, so you stole one from Ray Bradbury. For this meaningless contribution to cinema, you have recieved millions of dollars.
My question is this. Can you give us one good reason why you should be allowed to continue in your endeavors? As a self-named socialist, shouldn’t you be forced to live in a mud hut somewhere while your wealth is redistributed to others? Perhaps it should be given to the people that sacrifice everything to preserve your freedom. Frredom which you then use to wipe your enormous ass with the American flag. Perhaps they should share in the wealth your “art” creates?
Say, are you gonna eat that pickle?
Hey Dipshit,
Can you pinpoint for us, the moment in your life that you decided that you hated America, and Americans, and give us some insight as to what event or events were the catalyst for this hatred?
Why don’t you just pack your bags and move to France? They love your politics and you love their cheese. A match made in heaven!
Could you give me one good reason not to kill you?
1) Mr. Moore, is it true that you can create a “sonic boom” when you speak, due to your extra chins, and that you’ve had to edit out many instances of this in your films?
2) Is it true you hold the 3 Little Pigs as your physical role models, after watching the Disney cartoon when you were a lad in Flint, MI?
I dunno if y’all will be tickled by these, but I hope you will
Mr. Moore,
Has your wife asked you to stop eating babies yet?
Mr. Dude:
1.) When have you ever NOT paid for it?
2.) Did your parents have any children that survived?
3.) A sphincter says what?
4.) Have you stopped cruising playgrounds to watch the little panties rub yet?
5.) When will you release Twinkie the butt monkey from your ass?
6.) When will you and Al Gore finnally tie the knot?
Mr Moore.
Your movie Canadian Bacon was about a president who starts a war to improve his standing. Your movie farenheit 911 is about – a president who starts a war to improve his standings. What will your next movie be about? Achooo-one script wonder-ooooooo?
Do you use your fat rolls for storage? Frank thinks you are hiding monkies in there. I say that’s your natural body odor. Who is right?
Is it true the Army used nude pictures of you at Abu Grahib?
When you’re lying on the beach.. does Green Peace show up, build a fence around you and start handing out leaflets?
Were you the body double for Free Willy?
If we painted you purple, would you sing the Ooompa Loompa song?
When’s the last time you saw your dick?
Dear Mr. Moore,
When exactly do you plan on revealing yourself as the Antichrist? Also, can I be the one to kill you right before you do indeed become the devil and begin your reign on earth of 3 1/2 years? (after which God will most certainly smite you for all your propoganda b.s.)
Mr. Moore,
Did it make you mad when Dorthy’s house landed on your oldest sister? Did it really, really make you mad when she melted your younger sister? Finally where those your slippers?
It’s been widely reported that you are actually Rush Limbaugh’s test-tube bastard and therefore never knew parental love. So, don’t you think that suicide really is an acceptable way out?
If I had a say Rightwingduck would win with this one: Is it true the Army used nude pictures of you at Abu Grahib?
Oh so funny!!! Now THAT could be considered torture in the truest sense of the word!!
I have nothing original of my own yet.
Do you consider your movies to be documentaries or do you consider them satirical entertainment?
I would be curious to know if he actually believes what he is portraying or if he is engaging in satire to gain attention to general problems like Pope with his baby eating essay. (Was it Pope, I forget).
PP
1) Since you are working class, Mr. Moore, can you share the secret of how you came to owning your multimillion-dollar apartment? I would like to know.
2) When is your next film, “Stalin: King of the Motherland” coming out?
3) And lastly, what did you decide to name those little voices?
Do you know who Rachel Lucas is??? Well don’t look now but…..
Mmmh
Overwhelmingly, your fans’ responses to criticism on F9/11 can be resumed into “this proves nothing! It’s weak! Moore is God! NER-NER-NER CAN’T HEAR YOU!”. Does this mean that:
a) your fans are morons, and therefore you exploit them?
b) each and every criticism is valid, and therefore your movie is a monumental lie?
c) all of the above?
Monsieur Moore: One more “waffer” thin mint?
Mr. Moore,
Are you any relation to Roger, and if so, will you use him and your magnificent moooovie making abilities to make the next James Bond documentary?
Do you think it’s fair that you and Sally Struthers eat more than all of the Third World countries combined?
You were the guy who ate nothing but McDonalds for a month and made that movie “Supersize Me”, right? Oh…you weren’t? Well then, why are you so fat?
Jabba,
Why do you call yourself a Socialist when you use the Capitalist system for personal gain everyday?
or….
How did they ever let someone as ugly as you be in a movie?
Why don’t you just leave [the USA]?
Congrats Frank on getting linked to “Best of the Web”!!!!!!
Could you please shut up and leave the rest of us alone?
Mr. the Hut er Moore, is it true that you are so massive that you have smaller liberals orbiting you as sattelites?
Being that God is infinite, and that the universe is also infinite, how come I can’t breathe while around you?
Hey Mikey, is that facial hair natural or did you transplant it from your ass to make you look ‘non-traditional.’
The baby eating essay is by Jonathon Swift, of Gulliver’s Travels fame.
At least that’s the only baby eating essay I know of.
When you were doing that scene in Return of the Jedi…the one where you had Princess Leia on a chain…what did that toad thingy taste like?
So, how are you going to explain to your kids 15 years from now that you betrayed your country for money and fame?
In your world Superman is all boxy shaped and you say “Hello” when you leave and “Good Bye when you arrive right?
Mr. Moore-
Do you realize that once the American public finds out which box in Times Square you live in there will be a massive uprising ending with people waving pitchforks and clubs yelling “kill the beast”?
Are you aware that Sen. Kerry served in Vietnam?
How and why is your stubble ALWAYS the same length?
Do you feel good knowing that the only celebrities who came to your premiere were pedophiles and drug addicts?
Do you scare yourself as much as you scare other people?
Is it true that you hate Bush so much because you believe in a previous life he was an acorn and you were the fat squirrel who could never quite catch up with him?
Why is the title of your movie ‘Fahrenhiet 911’ when it could be ‘Celsius 488.33333333333337?’ It’s got a certain snap to it.
Mr. Moore, how do you clean yourself in the shower seeing as how there are obviously some places you just can’t get to?
Mr. Hut Moore:
1.) Isn’t it true that the ghost of Gergory Peck sometimes appears to you and screams, “Damn ye to hell ye great white whale!”, all the while trying to run you through with a harpoon?
2.) Isn’t it true that when you go to the beach, hippies and other green types try to “save” you by pushing you back into the water?
3.) Also, isn’t it true that Bill Gates and Microsoft are designing a Harrkonin (sp) Anti-gravity belt for you?
4.) Is it true that you will not travel to either Japan or Norway because they have active whaling industries and you’re concerned about “mistakes”?
5.) Is it true that the Kyoto agreement on greenhouse gases names your ass as the largest natural emitter of methane on the planet?
6.) Is it true that when you eat chocolate, one can mistake your face for your ass?
7.) Isn’t it true that your mommy and daddy didn’t pay enough attention to you when you were little?
8.) Isn’t it true that your ass has swallowed more galaxies than a super large black hole?
9.) Isn’t it true that the line, “My God, its full of stars!” from the movie 2001 A Space Odyssey, was inspired by seeing your proctologist run screaming from his office after examining your ass?
What do you, a 300 pound fat man, have to tell us about the evil of government consumption?
Does Jabba the Hut know that you raid his wardrob?
What kind of special lense did they have to use to get you in the camera shot, and how many yards away was it?
Mr. Moore, you don’t really think that movie has changed a single person’s mind as far as November goes… do you?
“Mr. Moore, why can’t you or your friends on the Left admit that the USA is the only country in the world where you could be even remotely successful?”
If you’re a socialist(coughcough Commie coughcough) why do you accept our “Stupid Capitalistic American-pig, oil drilling, warmongering money?”
Question:
Mr. Moore, myself being a 20 year resident of Flint, Michigan, who finally left for economic and political reasons, who saw first hand how left-wing socialists, unions and their members, along with a variety of corrupt Democrats, including former mayor of Flint Woodrow Stanley, who have collectively ruled Flint and Genessee County for as long as I can remember, and in turn has turned Flint into a dying city, while at the same time complain it is all GM’s fault, how can you continue to defend Socialism as a key to the future of humanity?
Commentary:
While most of the leadership of Flint, Michigan, continues to blame GM for it’s problems, they never look at the facts that the left wing agenda of many of the Democrats in Flint, aided in GM’s decision to leave. Higher and higher taxes, strikes seemingly every other contract over silly things, which result in millions of dollars getting flushed down the toilet over dies leaving Flint Truck and Body, outdated zoning laws, environmentalists going into a tizzy whenever GM tried to do something, it was not worth it anymore. I will say GM did some stupid things as well, but, overall, Flint became an inhospitable place to do business, and GM left. As far as I am concerned, it was the right decision.
If you ever find any quotes from Mayor Woodrow Stanley, Democrat, in the last few weeks and months before he was recalled, he sounded like someone from the USSR.
I have a number of relatives who are still there, including my mom, my stepdad, and my inlaws, and many of them have been employed at GM, or retired from there. I have gotten into several arguments about what happened to Flint, how the UAW and the government has basically driven out GM, and while it is hard to talk about it, it is the truth.
As for Moore and his movies, including Roger and Me, thery are all a joke. He did not show the real people in Flint, he showed some lunatic woman who eats rabbits (as though this happens nowhere but Flint) I won’t even get into the lies of the rest of the film, but I think Independance Day is more factual. Or for that matter, The Day After Tomorrow. : /
Politically, Believe it or not, there are some Republicans in Flint, and they have shown up from time to time. Though all the ballots I have ever seen in voting, excluding ones outside of Genessee County, have been all Democrats. That tells you something right there, when two sets of Democrats run against each other.
If Moore was really after the facts, he would show what the government has done to Flint, rather than just bash corporations, which all the left can do these days. I don’t see those checks going back to Flint, do you?
If you want to see the wonders of socialism, go to Flint, and see the wonders of big, oppressive governments, and corrupt politicians who bank the future on one corporation, and blame the company when they got fed up with it.
Sorry, folks, it is a sensitve subject for me.
“If we killed you, how many third world countries do you think you could feed?”
-or-
“If we killed you how many bulldozers do you think it would take to move your rotting corpse?”
(You have to ask that one with a BIG smile)
-or-
“If we killed you would you make a sorry excuse for a documentary on that too? What would you call it? Maybe ’98 degrees fairenheit: The temperture that stupid happens.'”
How long did it take you to learn the Scottish accent when you starred in the Ausin Powers movie as Fat Bastard.
Mr. Moore, what will you do when Bush wins?
Mr. Moore, if you could eat yourself, would you?
Mr. Moore, when you get into a swimming pool, do they have to refill the pool completely?
Mr. Moore, is it true that you’re part of a communist network designed to get Kerry elected?
Mr. Moore, why are you hiding said communist hat, bag, and twinkie?
Mr. Moore, have you ever heard of liposuction?
Mr. Moore, have you ever spoken with any American soldiers fighting in Iraq?
Mr. Moore, in all seriousness, are your fingers thicker than sausages?
Mr. Moore, wouldn’t it be ironic if Bush won in November, despite all your efforts to get him out of office?
Mr. Moore, would you label yourself a liberal, a hippy, or a corpupotomus?
And the number one winningest question is……
When Kerrys balls itch do you have to scratch your jaw?
Id ask Mikey if his Palme D’Or is his right, or his left.
Why are you still here if you hate America so much?
JABBA THE NUT,
Is it true that you ate the Palme D’Or before you even got it home?
Is it true that your feet/dick have never seen the light of day?
Is it true that when you and Teddy Kennedy stand shoulder to shoulder there is a total eclipse of the sun?
Do you ever hear people proclaim as you waddle out of sight…… DAMN that guy is a big fat f***??
How high do you think you would bounce if we pushed you off the Empire state building?
Is it true that thunder is really just your ass cheeks reverberating when you fart?
When you fart in the tub do you try to bite bubbles? (sort of like bobbing for shit, reminds me of your movies)
Do you throw dinner parties for the voices in your head?
How many stomachs would they have to staple to perform a gastric bypass operation on you?
Do you have to put a rag on stick to wipe your ass? Do you pull your head out first?
Is it true that you are in fact, the less famous, less good looking, less talented, brother of Demi Moore?? Furthermore, is there any truth to the rumor that you and Ashton Kutcher went to San Fransico to get married and the whole Ashton/Demi thing is one big Punk’d episode?
Mister Moore~on,
Do you deny that these are indeed photos from your family album?
And will you swear to that denial under oath, with your right hand raised while your left lays upon a box of Hostess Twinkies?
Jim
Sloop New Dawn
Galveston, TX
So how long DOES it take to eat a hippo?
Which side of the menu tastes best. The left or the right?
How many minutes since you last ate something.
Is that a beard. Or is it just gravy?
Not to be insensitive, but has anyone ever told you that you’re fat?
Which truck stop has the most accurate scales?
Did you eat Jenny Craig? she’s been missing 2 days now?
Are all of your fans Fat like you? Is that why your movie did well this weekend? Because they each needed two tickets?
We know you hate America. Is that because of its Pro-Whaling policies? Did we accidentally harpoon your mother? Is that why my Tuna tasted funny?
sorry. last comments were mine. got carried away
Is it true that you’re so fat. When you visited Japan, the japanese started running down the street like an old Godzilla movie?
Have you thought about hiring an assistant to prance around in a Princess Leigha (sp) outfit? It would complete the look.
When reporters say that you leave a great impression. Have you ever considered that they are talking about their COUCH!!
Do you make a beeping sound when you walk backwards?
Do you leave footprints in the sidewalk?
How deep are they?
After reading the Interview with Mr Heston of the NRA during the making of Bowling for Columbine (both the version you showed to people watching BFC and how the scene was filmed)is it true that you have said “Yes, I very much like to sleep with young boys before devoring them as only a fat, sweaty, stupid, Hut as myself can?”
Mind you, like Mr Heston, have said everything claimed.
If I gave you the price of admission to F911, and a box of those deep fried Blue Bird fruit pies you like so much, would you do the world a favor and die?
If you we’re sent to Stalin’s USSR and were convicted of your un-socialist actions (profiting from capitalism, anti-government propaganda, &c.) just how many mass graves would you fill?
Is it true that as a boy you were really raised in Hanoi and would hide VC in the maze of tunnels that are your intestines?
Because you are both hairy, sweaty, leave large deep foot imprints, and have unpleasent odors (as well as frightening campers with your eerie howls in the Pacific NW), have you been mistaken for Big Foot before?
Has anyone shot at you for mistaking you for a overweight Big Foot?
Is that why you’re so anti-gun?
So, you useless piece of monkey shit, you lying, quisling, traitorous 9/11 profiteer and producer of half-assed terror-porno for left-wing asshats like yourself and your little f*** buddy Ted Rall: considering the fact that you more ugly than than a tatoo on Mike Tyson’s ass, that your willing to make any sacrifice to morality or logic necessary to feed your infantile sociopathic desire for money and celebrity, that your geo-political worldview is further removed from reality than an autistic kid beating off in the corner, why the hell shouldn’t we hang you from the nearest tree, right after we gut you and fill your stomach with candy so children can beat your dead corpse as a pinata, so at least your dreadful existance will have fulfilled something close to a redeeming purpose?
BTW: Can I have your autograph? I have an special-made ultra-thick pen that you may be able to wrap your hooves around, you chancre on the dick of humaity.
Mr. Moore, just how does it feel to be a war-profitteer?
When you sold your soul to the devil, did he pay you all at once, or do you only get one donut at a time?
When I make the documentary on your life, would you mind if I went around Flint, MI with a film crew pestering people about you? How about in my documentary I show only (1) a bunch of weirdos who know nothing about you, (2) people down on their luck, whom I portray as having been victimized by you or (3) people close to you, with creative editing to make their comments look derisive. Or how about if I completely make shit up? What if I made unfounded and contradictory accusations that you are in league with terrorist organizations, or that you documentary was preplanned before 9/11 to settle old political and personal grudges? And when I make it, how about if I call it Stupid White Michigan Bacon, a derisive use of the titles of your nearest and dearest life’s work?
If I made such a movie: (a) Would the use of these guerilla tactics to make a slanted expose’ of your life be any more redeeming than your methods? (a) How would it be worst to defame a ordinary “working class” man like yourself than it is for you to defame the President? (b) How would my accusations be untrue, since you have cooperated with Hezbollah in the distribution of your movie, and since your expose is a thinly-veiled political attack ad against Bush, whom you’ve hated both before or after 9/11? Are you not, in effect, doing what you’ve accused the Bush Administration of doing, and (d) Would the title of my movie cause you any more angst than you’ve cause Ray Bradbury–one of our country’s greatest living authors–by using the title of his dearest work to peddle your political opinions?
On your days off, do you wistfully don the Scottish kilt and bagpipes and sing the Chili’s baby back ribs jingle?
When you were up and coming in films, what convinced you to reprise the role of the bloblike, pulsating, farting creature in Weird Science?
Tell us again where you obtained your degree in Foreing Policy and International Relations?
When you told Bill O’Reilly that a 70% income tax was not unreasonable, when will you start leading by example?
When you stand on a street corner with a cup of coffee for more than a minute, do people drop spare change in your cup?
If Kerry wins, has he promised you a high level position in the newly formed Department of Bakery Goods and Pork Products?
Who do you think would win in a real fight; your college-aged socialist peaceniks or the gun-toting Bush supporters?
I can’t resist these questions:
Mr. Moore, when you say that Americans are the stupidest most ignorant people on earth, as an American, do you include yourself in that statement?
Mr Moore, you said that small business owners are “rednecks”, what would you call someone who makes millions and millions from producing and directing films?
Michael Moore, when you wrote “Stupid White Men,” did you realize that you too are stupid, white and male? Not only that, but also a fat, ugly, arrogant, hypocritical, America-hating, corpulent fatty fat fat?
Mr Moore, were you somehow unaware of all of the “factual difficulties” present in your films or did you decide that there was money in them anyway; in other words are you an idiot or a liar?
People are always saying that you are smelly, but since I haven’t met you, I don’t know if this is true or if people are just guessing that you must be smelly because you neglect your personal grooming in other ways. For the record, do you bathe more often than you shave? How about more often than you get a haircut?
Michael Moore, is it true that NASA turned you down when you requested a trip on the space shuttle because one, the rockets that carry the space shuttle can’t hold enough fuel to put your fat ass into orbit, and two, the fear that putting your fat ass into orbit would cause the moon to start orbiting around you?
Do you want fries with that?
Mr. Moore, you do still champion yourself as a voice for the average guy do you not? If so, please explain the following. When you were at a scheduled speaking engagement at the University of Rochester in late ’02-early ’03 and you felt the need to ‘speed things up’ and limit the q&a period to one specific word count (it was either 5 or 7..I don’t remember with certainty which of the two it was) question you told me to ‘contact you via email’ about the Teamster’s Union and their role in the shut down of Consolidated Freightways. I did what you asked and, as appears to be your current habit, you or your ‘people’ did not respond. Seeing the recent closures of union shops in the freight industry, it seems like something that would be right up your alley (remember “Roger & Me”?) Would it be correct to infer that you feel that you have successfully conquered ‘big business’ and there are no longer any problems for ‘the average guy’ in corporate America? Or is it more appropriate to assume that unemployment doesn’t sell as well as ‘Bush lied’, hence the shift of focus of your career?
Also as a voice for the little guy, at this same speaking engagement you discovered that the book signing (for which you have always prided yourself for staying ‘as long as it takes’ for everyone who showed up desiring a signature to get one) was a private affair set up only for a select few committee & faculty members. How did going along with this and not doing any other signatures than this select/elite few jive with your previous insistance that you are in support of the ‘average guy’ who actually bought your book & paid to attend the speaking engagement(your often repeated reasoning for staying until being kicked out/chased off by police for large crowds at a signing)?
Sorry it’s rather long-winded, but this was when I realized that he’s in it strictly for the $$…convictions had nothing to do with him any longer.