As I have been informed by Harvey, today marks one year since declaring war on Glenn Reynolds. Since I’ve been so busy, I haven’t been too involved with the Alliance, but it seems to have been pretty active without me.
Anyway, I declared victory after Reynolds linked to me on my second blogiversary (it was his blatant not linking to me on my first blogiversary that led to this bloodshed), but I think there are some things that still need to be said. Thus, I’ve produced a documentary on DVD about Glenn Reynolds entitled Glenn Reynolds – Behind the Blog. Learn the true secrets behind Instapundit.com and hear confessions straight from Reynolds himself:
“Before 9/11, I just blogged about my daily life such as what I had for breakfast, how flammable different forest creatures are, and my vast Transformer action figure collection. After 9/11, I wrote a few political statements, and suddenly everyone was reading me. When I had this sudden fame and success… I… I just couldn’t take it, so I turned to blended puppy drinks. When people hear this they go, ‘Hey! This guy must hate puppies!’ But it’s not true; it’s just that I only like them in liquid form.”
Are all the charges against the puppy blender true? Hear it from his own mouth.
“Yeah, I’ve killed a hobo or too; who hasn’t? There’s a lot of stress with blogging each day, and you have to relieve it somehow. The whole Satan worship thing is overblown. Yeah, I sacrificed a couple goats… but that’s it.”
Learn what led to Glenn Reynolds famous blogging style and his well known descent into madness:
“I just wasn’t prepared for all the commentary people expected from me. All I wanted to talk about was little nano robots. So I’d just randomly pick a quote from some article and write either “Indeed” or “Heh” afterwards. Sometimes, though, I couldn’t decided whether the quote deserved an “Indeed” or a “Heh,” and I’d just break down sobbing and curl up into a fetal position. I was doing heroin daily at this point.”
Finally, hear why he was so vindictive against the greatest blog ever made:
“What pushed me over the edge was finding the website ‘IMAO’. I knew this guy was much better than me, and I couldn’t stand it. I’d pop a few pills, wash it down with some puppy, and then stare at his site in anger. That’s why I’d only link to IMAO occasionally instead of every single day as it deserves.”
Order this stunning DVD now while supplies last!
First comment gets a free DVD!!!
Haha! I was right about the announcement. (That’s what archives are for.)
Oh my. gasp I had no idea. It’s a good thing that the truth is out: puppies are better in liquid form.
Where’s the toll-free number?!! Is there a special recorded message from Glenn himself?
That’s it?!?! I waited and waited for some cool kick ass announcement like you were running for office or something and I get this!?!? You just used up five minutes of my life that I will never get back. Oh well, I would have wasted them anyway.
This isn’t the announcement. This is just an anniversary I was reminded of. Oh yeah, I still need to tell you people the announcement…
You people?? YOU PEOPLE?? How insensitive. I feel so used…
Frank, you DO realize that pretty soon the suspense is gonna wear off, and we’ll all stop checking your site every 1/2 hour (I personally plan on stopping to falling for this traffic raising stunt on around Tuesday… September 6th)
Quit toying with us Frank! We’re about ready to snap and the last thing you want is a bunch of angry conservatives going Rumsfeld on your ass! 😉
LOL Josh!
It’s been a year already? That makes me stop and think…..I’ve been reading this blog (and others approved of by Frank J.) for almost 2 years. Which explains why my butt has gotten so big and my eyes are all squinty. Dang. I need to go get a life now….but not until after the announcement.
For Chomps sake man! Just announce already. As Mrs. Exile would say, “poop or get off the pot”
Exile and his wife said “poop”.
heh
Indeed.
I’ve already quit reading.
me too.
Funny. But you misspelled “descent.”
“All I wanted to talk about was little nano robots”
Deep down, isn’t that what we all want. Little nano robots to make sure the monkeys are defeated from the inside out?