Hi Everyone. Guest Blogger RightWingDuck here…
With the Swift Boat Veterans For Truth organization in the news so much, there have been a lot of questions regarding 527’s and how they function!
Here are some helpful facts for understanding 527’s and their roles in our political landscape.
527’s started off as military airplanes. Not having any practical use they turned to Politics.
John Kerry started off in the military. Not having any practical use, he too turned to politics.
If a 527 hurts you, you may not apply for a Purple Heart. I’m looking at you, Mr. Kerry.
Arguing with 527s is like giving orders to a cat. Nothing happens and you end up looking stupid.
527’s replaced the aging 526s: A law requiring politicians to wear Tiaras.
526’s are still popular in New Jersey and among California Girlie Men.
If you add 527 up, it totals 14. Unless you go to a public school, in which case a teacher will mark it up with purple.
Future 527 regulations will be written in purple as red is seen as too confrontational.
527’s can be good or bad:
A Democrat-oriented 527 group is like sugar and spice and everything nice. George Soros is seen as the grandpapa of the Democratic 527’s.
Grandpapa is also the Socialist word for Sugardaddy.
Republican-oriented 527 groups are evil and look like Hitler. Even the women! Stay away from Republican 527’s even if they offer you candy.
The 528’s come out next year. They’ll come in brighter colors and have more leg room.
I can’t wait. Nothing but good things coming! Unless you’re John Kerry.

(A Guest Post by Harvey of Bad Example)
Since Tony mentioned the Alliance, it brought to mind one of my old Filthy Lies about Glenn Reynolds, that was originally posted last October at my old Bad Money site. There are some inside jokes, but I’ve included helpful explanatory linkage.

Via Heather, I became aware of this story. Seemed innocent enough. A man gets bitten by a snake at a Texas Wal-Mart. No big deal, right? But then I noticed that the man’s name was Hatchett, which sounds suspiciously like a hobo-murdering tool, so I wondered if it could be an alias for Evil Glenn. I called an inside source and obtained the audio tape from store security. Here’s the transcript:
Evil Glenn: Let’s see. Need some new shoes… oooooh, these pretty pink open-toed sandals look fabulous! Wonder if they come in a size 10?
Snake: Pssst! Glenn!
Evil Glenn: What the…? A talking snake? Oh, you must be Satan. Hey, sorry about Black Mass the other night. Those candles looked black when I grabbed them. How was I supposed to know they were blueberry-cobbler-scented votives? Even so, I still thought they were plenty evil for a Tuesday night service and–
Snake: Shut up, will ya? I’m not Satan. I’m just a normal talking snake, like you’d find anywhere in Texas.
Evil Glenn: Kinda weird, but ok. What do you want?
Snake: Some of the other snakes asked me to talk to you about that tattoo on your left hand.
Evil Glenn: The one with the two penguins going at it that says “penguinperv.com“?
Snake: Oops. Sorry. I meant your right hand. Being limbless, I get those confused a lot.
Evil Glenn: Oh, you mean the one that shows a penguin using a snake for a sex toy?
Snake: Yeah, that one.
Evil Glenn: Gotta spice things up somehow. Not my fault snakes are so phallic.
Snake: I hear that a lot. But the point is that the members of the Slitherers Anti-Defamation League are really up in arms about this, figuratively speaking, and we think you should get it removed.
Evil Glenn: Look, scale-face, it’s my life, my body, and still a free country. I can do whatever the hell I want.
Snake: Don’t mess with me, Puppy Blender. I’ve got 2-inch fangs & more venom than Kate with PMS.
Evil Glenn: Whatever. Go take a hike. Oh. I forgot. You don’t have any feet. Heh. Indeed.
Snake: Right! That does it! I’ll just chew your damn hand off you miserable, subhuman scumbag!
Evil Glenn: Lawy…
Snake: [BITE! BITE! BITE!]
Evil Glenn: OW! My precious fleshy artwork! Die snake!
[STOMP! STOMP!]
Evil Glenn: Oh geez! My hand’s swelling up like Ted Kennedy’s head. Hey! You! The Wal-Mart employee in the blue vest! Can I get a snake-bite kit over here?
Wal-Martian: Dude. Like, I’m on break right now.
Evil Glenn: AHHHHH! The pain! I’m dying!
Wal-Martian: Dude! I’m Game-Boying here. Almost finished with level 267 of Tetris. Just chill.
Evil Glenn: Strength… failing… Must… blend… puppy…
Wal-Martian: Dude! Did you, like, just call me a guppy? I am SO not a guppy. As soon as I get off break, I’m kicking your ass.
Evil Glenn: help… dying… puppy… Rosebud… [slumps to floor]
Wal-Martian: Crap! The screen filled up. Game over, man. So, how may I help you?
Evil Glenn: twitch
Wal-Martian: Dude! You’re like, really messed up & shit. Let me phone my supervisor… Mr. Skinner? Yeah. Looks like we got another snake bit victim in aisle 3… Alive? I dunno. He’s still twitching, so I guess so… Pulse?– Just a sec…
[grabs Evil Glenn’s wrist]
Dude! Nice penguin porn!
Sadly, Evil Glenn was taken to the hospital where he made a full recovery. But at least now we know the secret of his tattoo, which will make him that much easier to spot next time he does his naked, drunken, bar-top Robot Dancing.
INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST!

More of this silly crap can be found at both my old Bad Money site (see the Filthy Lies category in the right sidebar. Be patient, as load times can be very long, since the Radio host server is gerbil-powered), and also the Filthy Lies category at Bad Example (left sidebar, a little below the calendar).

(A Guest Post by Harvey of Bad Example)
Since you folks seem inordinately entertained by violence against hippies, I was reminded of a piece I posted last October on my old Bad Money blog. It’s short, but I think you’ll enjoy the mental images it conjures. Here it is, ever so slightly modified:

At Harv’s Hippy Cleansing Center, we turn filthy hippies back into productive citizens through the magic of negative reinforcement. Let me just grab my Louisville Slugger ClueBat, and I’ll give you a tour:
Here in the Rush Room, we break spirits with 24-7 re-runs of Rush Limbaugh.
Hippy: Please! I’m going crazy! Just let me have five minutes of NPR!
Harv: No! [WHACK!] Bad hippy! [WHACK!] We don’t use the N-word here! [WHACK!]
Moving on, we have the cafeteria. Converting vegetarians can be difficult, so we usually start them off with McDonald’s hamburgers, which are mostly just sawdust & rat turds anyway.
Hippy: Please! Just one bite of tofu? A bean sprout? Anything that didn’t used to have eyes?
Harv: Here, eat this! [WHACK!]
In this room, Emperor Misha is holding a class on Basic Human Decency:
Misha: All right asshats, pop quiz: A Paleswinian explodes on a bus full of kids. Good or Bad?
Hippy: Well, the root causes–
Misha: WRONG! [WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!] There. Now you’re smarter.
Harv: Or deader.
Misha: Eh. Whichever.
Well, I gotta go lead a hygiene seminar. Thanks for coming, and …
Damn hippy! Stop trying to smoke the soap! [WHACK!]

See also the “200 Words or Less” Monthly Archive category in the right sidebar at Bad Money. However, be aware that load times are unconscionably slow, which I why I moved to a new site.

Hello, This is Guest Blogger RightWingDuck with a special post for today!
This is an invitation to join the Alliance!
If you have a blog and you are reading this — you should be part of the Alliance. If you are not — then WHY NOT?
Join it you fool. I piti the foo who don’t join the alliance.
You can learn a career and earn money for college — oh, wait that’s the Army.
Okay, you get to shoot terrorists all day long — oh no, that’s the Marines.
Well, you get to put out a new story every single day — changing it as much as you want. That’s the John Kerry campaign — and it could be YOU if you had your own blog and you joined the Alliance.
Here’s our Hymn to inspire you to greatness.
The Bloggers Alliance Hymn
(Sung to the Tune of the Marine Corps Hymn)
From the booths of Internet Cafes
To the desk at work or home
We fight Alliance battles.
Wherever surfers roam.
First to try our rhyme and reason
And to keep our language clean
We are proud to claim the title
of Alliance Blog Supreme.
Inspired? You should be! It took me 5 minutes to write that song!
Well, we’re not supreme yet. But with your help, we can do it.
Okay. Let me give you an example of the fun stuff you can do when you blog and join the Alliance.

Continue reading ‘The Alliance Wants You!’ »