(A Guest Post by Harvey of Bad Example)
Since Tony mentioned the Alliance, it brought to mind one of my old Filthy Lies about Glenn Reynolds, that was originally posted last October at my old Bad Money site. There are some inside jokes, but I’ve included helpful explanatory linkage.

Via Heather, I became aware of this story. Seemed innocent enough. A man gets bitten by a snake at a Texas Wal-Mart. No big deal, right? But then I noticed that the man’s name was Hatchett, which sounds suspiciously like a hobo-murdering tool, so I wondered if it could be an alias for Evil Glenn. I called an inside source and obtained the audio tape from store security. Here’s the transcript:
Evil Glenn: Let’s see. Need some new shoes… oooooh, these pretty pink open-toed sandals look fabulous! Wonder if they come in a size 10?
Snake: Pssst! Glenn!
Evil Glenn: What the…? A talking snake? Oh, you must be Satan. Hey, sorry about Black Mass the other night. Those candles looked black when I grabbed them. How was I supposed to know they were blueberry-cobbler-scented votives? Even so, I still thought they were plenty evil for a Tuesday night service and–
Snake: Shut up, will ya? I’m not Satan. I’m just a normal talking snake, like you’d find anywhere in Texas.
Evil Glenn: Kinda weird, but ok. What do you want?
Snake: Some of the other snakes asked me to talk to you about that tattoo on your left hand.
Evil Glenn: The one with the two penguins going at it that says “penguinperv.com“?
Snake: Oops. Sorry. I meant your right hand. Being limbless, I get those confused a lot.
Evil Glenn: Oh, you mean the one that shows a penguin using a snake for a sex toy?
Snake: Yeah, that one.
Evil Glenn: Gotta spice things up somehow. Not my fault snakes are so phallic.
Snake: I hear that a lot. But the point is that the members of the Slitherers Anti-Defamation League are really up in arms about this, figuratively speaking, and we think you should get it removed.
Evil Glenn: Look, scale-face, it’s my life, my body, and still a free country. I can do whatever the hell I want.
Snake: Don’t mess with me, Puppy Blender. I’ve got 2-inch fangs & more venom than Kate with PMS.
Evil Glenn: Whatever. Go take a hike. Oh. I forgot. You don’t have any feet. Heh. Indeed.
Snake: Right! That does it! I’ll just chew your damn hand off you miserable, subhuman scumbag!
Evil Glenn: Lawy…
Snake: [BITE! BITE! BITE!]
Evil Glenn: OW! My precious fleshy artwork! Die snake!
[STOMP! STOMP!]
Evil Glenn: Oh geez! My hand’s swelling up like Ted Kennedy’s head. Hey! You! The Wal-Mart employee in the blue vest! Can I get a snake-bite kit over here?
Wal-Martian: Dude. Like, I’m on break right now.
Evil Glenn: AHHHHH! The pain! I’m dying!
Wal-Martian: Dude! I’m Game-Boying here. Almost finished with level 267 of Tetris. Just chill.
Evil Glenn: Strength… failing… Must… blend… puppy…
Wal-Martian: Dude! Did you, like, just call me a guppy? I am SO not a guppy. As soon as I get off break, I’m kicking your ass.
Evil Glenn: help… dying… puppy… Rosebud… [slumps to floor]
Wal-Martian: Crap! The screen filled up. Game over, man. So, how may I help you?
Evil Glenn: twitch
Wal-Martian: Dude! You’re like, really messed up & shit. Let me phone my supervisor… Mr. Skinner? Yeah. Looks like we got another snake bit victim in aisle 3… Alive? I dunno. He’s still twitching, so I guess so… Pulse?– Just a sec…
[grabs Evil Glenn’s wrist]
Dude! Nice penguin porn!
Sadly, Evil Glenn was taken to the hospital where he made a full recovery. But at least now we know the secret of his tattoo, which will make him that much easier to spot next time he does his naked, drunken, bar-top Robot Dancing.
INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST!

More of this silly crap can be found at both my old Bad Money site (see the Filthy Lies category in the right sidebar. Be patient, as load times can be very long, since the Radio host server is gerbil-powered), and also the Filthy Lies category at Bad Example (left sidebar, a little below the calendar).