(A GUEST POST FROM HARVEY OF BAD EXAMPLE)
IMAO has been near the top of the Ecosystem for as long as I can remember. Despite the best efforts of lesser bloggers, no one can seem to match his accomplishments.
Some people claim that he only got where he is today because he married a billionaire condiment heiress, but that’s not true. There are, in fact, numerous reasons for Frank J’s incomparable success, very few of which have anything to do with hamburger toppings. Here are some tips to help you become a more Frank-like and successful blogger.
Celebrate diversity – Notice how Frank’s blog isn’t just white, it’s also black and red, thereby honoring our planet’s human rainbow. Although there is no actual yellow in his template, he DOES link Michelle Malkin’s blog.
Have a fearsome weapons arsenal at your disposal – Nothing says “successful blogger” like a vast array of killin’ tools . Between katanas, guns, and space lasers, there’s nothing Frank J. can’t corpsify. Except monkeys. However, he has a team of bioweapons engineeers working on it even as we speak.
Unfortunately, their lab got blown away by hurricane Charley, so we must continue to fear the monkey menace.
Invent the internet – Don’t believe any robo-Gore (or half-flapless duck) propaganda to the contrary, the internet was Frank’s idea. Follow in his footsteps by creating your own globalized computer networking system. If this task seems too daunting, start small by hacking into John Kerry’s campaign site and leaving little waffle pictures everywhere.
Neologize – Make up new words whenever possible. Frank J. coined the term “muckadoo” – a desperately needed pithy term to describe idiot liberals whose idea of intelligent commentary is to fling DNC talking points like caged monkeys tossing butt-nuggets. The world could really use a word for “beating a hippy hard enought to make him bleed tofu”, so start coining.
Oops… I’ve just been informed that the word “fun” already exists. Try to come up with something else.
Have a kick-ass T-shirt – All of Frank J’s T-shirts are 100% cotton and guaranteed bulletproof (not a guarantee). Plus, they’re modelled by a hot babe with whom Frank is NOT currently having a romantic tryst, despite rampant speculation to the contrary, which I willl continue to deny in the absence of sufficient monetary persuasion. If you currently sell non-projectile-resistant burlap T-shirts modelled by Helen Thomas, strangle your marketing department.
Blog efficiently – While other bloggers waste time spell-checking their entries, Frank knows that when you have a big post, you should whip it out quickly.
Wait… did that sound dirty? Nevermind.
Anyway, the important thing is that Frank trusts his readers to be smart enough to know what he means when he types “htat” or “Rimsfeld” or “kwijybo”, and you should, too. Pop that freakin’ backspace key right off your keyboard, and go full speed ahead until you’re finished. Despite what my wife keeps telling me, I know darn well that faster is ALWAYS better.
Besides you may even invent a word for “beating a hippy hard enough to make him bleed tofu” in the process.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go out and have some “fun”.
[If you found this amusing and are looking for more, try my “Funny On Purpose” category]

Hi Gang,
Here are some links for you to explore. Some I’m sure you have discovered on your own.
Need to waste time? Here’s one for the guys out there. My record is 311. Don’t be too frustrated if at first you keep crashing into the buses.
Feel like praying? Visit Obnoxious Droppings. Our friend is in a lot of pain, and prayers and comments of support are just what he needs.
Special thanks to Steve at DLVD. He set up my site and chimes in at IMAO quite often. His site has some great ranting and hilarious pics.
One of my favorite sites is The Truth About York. I thought dude turned out some good observations and good rants. Oops. Turns out that ‘he’ is a ‘she’. Why do we assume that somebody strong and aggressive is a guy? Sorry. But you gotta check her out from time to time
UPDATE. Speaking of Olympics – Here’s a cute presentation. It runs about 3 minutes or so. (Hat Tip: F Mastro)

Yes, we miss Frank, too. Nobody is like Frank. Period.
For those of you who don’t know, Frank is on vacation.
So STOP ASKING US WHO WE ARE! I am one of the guest bloggers, Rightwingduck of www.rightinwingduck.com. I invented the internet,yes it was me, Al Gore you thief, I have your number!. I am also the creator of the butterfly ballot – oh, never mind Al, I guess we’re even.
Harvey, from Bad Example, is a great blogger. He invented punctuation. He collects a percentage everytime you use it, so I personally keep it to a minumum.
Don’t believe me? Are you questioning my patriotism?
I served in Vietnam!
Well, not Vietnam the country. I served food at a Vietnamese restaurant. So you watch it, mister. I was in combat, well, not real combat, but I’ve worked the Dinner Rush, and that was WAR I tell you.
But not real war, and not real combat. So, what is the point of this post?
War Stories.
A lot of you have been sending in your Army/Navy/Air Force/Marines/Girl Scouts stories. I think they are totally cool and hope you continue to send them.
However, after having heard that John Kerry reenacted his war scenes for the camera he brought with him, collected medals for self inflicted scratches, spent Christmas in Cambodia, didn’t spend Christmas in Cambodia, ran guns to Cambodia, joined the Cambodia Record & Tape Club and who knows what else – I’ve realized that many of these stories are totally and completely fake.
This upsets me for two reasons.
First reason: there are many brave men and women in combat situations who have fought bravely and selflessly. They risked everything and that medal they were awarded serves as a humble reminder of what they accomplished on the field of battle.
The second reason is that John Kerry is a doodoo head.
So, it’s time to have some fun. You see, IMAO is a fun place to visit because not only is the Chief Blogger (Frank) funny as all get out – his readers are funny too. If you don’t believe me, just skim yesterday’s comments on alternate Olympic Sports.
So…. I am proud to present the
Make up a John Kerry War Story contest.
You can mention yourself as the hero or J F’n K. Also, for those of you who aren’t into war, you may make up a story of valor.
Here are the guidelines and examples.
Must have ONE grain of truth. (I WENT TO THE 7-11 TO GET A SLURPEE) The truth must be in all CAPS. Not everybody knows how to make bold letters.
See, every great exaggeration has a kernel of truth in it. Senator Tom Harkin has always bragged about the missions he flew in Vietnam. Except he was stationed in Japan most of the time and flew into the Nam a handful of times. Never in combat.
See? It’s easy.
Your war story must also mention at least 3 of the elements listed below. We will highlight best stories on Monday.
Weather: The LA Smog was so thik I could barely see my hands.
Enemy: (The Local Earth Day rally ended and they let out)
Event: (We were surrounded by hippies handing out leaflets. They were everywhere.)
Injury: Suffered by you or buddies (I could barely stand the smell, my nostrils were fried)
Weapons Used. (So I reached into my bag – grabbed a Big Bite Burrito and started wacking at them left and right)
Afterstory. (We barely made it. My buddy needed a nose transplant. Everytime I see somebody with a leaflet – I want to wack them)
Have fun!!
Winner gets free use of punctuation for a year from Harvey.
Enjoy your day. Remember to come back and check on the stories.