(A Guest Post by Harvey of Bad Example)
Since Frank J. is taking a few days off, I thought I might help his readers try to understand Frank a little better by taking a look at his home state of Florida. The following information was taken from Google, the Encyclopedia Britannica, or possibly just my own fevered imagination. At any rate, I swear it’s all true.
Florida is often referred to as the “Sunshine State”. Since, during the summer, it rains every day at 3pm, this is akin to referring to Fahrenheit 9/11 as “a factual and unbiased documentary by the honorable, well-respected, pleasant-smelling, and physically fit filmmaker, Michael Moore”.
Florida’s state reptile is the alligator, or, as it’s affectionately referred to, “the poodle chomper”.
Florida is the southernmost of the United States. At least until we annex Cuba, which will happen within 24 hours of that frizzle-whiskered commie bastard Castro’s death.
I was just informed by the CIA that I wasn’t supposed to disclose that information. Please disregard.
Florida’s population is very diverse, comprised equally of whites, blacks, Hispanics, and jack-booted government thugs looking to deport the children of Cuban refugees.
Residents of Florida prefer to be called “Floridians”, although they are more commonly known as “Grandma & Grandpa”.
Twice yearly, Florida’s population is victimized by uncontrollable destructive forces which lay waste to vast swaths of land. These times are known as “hurricane season” and “spring break”.
For years, Florida was plagued by a rodent infestation, but thanks to modern pest-control techniques, the problem has been eliminated. Except for a special nature preserve outside of Orlando, where large mice still roam freely.
Florida is STILL plagued by ravenous hordes of giant cockroaches. If you’re in Florida and you see a giant cockroach, shoot it. However, don’t use anything less than .45 caliber, or you’ll just piss it off.
In a fight between Aquaman and a giant cockroach, Aquaman would be neatly cut in half by the roach’s steely mandibles of death.
Florida is easy to find on a map. Just look for the state that appears to be desperately in need of a dose of Viagra.
Native Floridians can be spotted in a similar manner.
Or at least Grandpa can.
Florida’s state mammal is the rattlesnake, which proves conclusively that butterfly ballots are a bad idea.
Despite it’s quaint-sounding name, the Florida Everglades is actually a huge, dank, filthy expanse of smelly, disgusting, pestilence-ridden wetness. Very similar to certain parts of Michael Moore’s body that he is currently too fat to reach with a washcloth.
Florida’s state tree is the Palm – so named because that’s the part of your body that will be scraped raw if you try to climb it.
While in Florida, NEVER try to climb any sort of nut tree.
Finally, if you ever decide to visit Florida, PLEASE leave all monkeys at home. Frank doesn’t WANT to have to carve you up with his katana, but he will if he has to.
You’ve been warned.

Omigosh, Omigosh, omigosh.
You are not going to believe this.
I would have posted this here but I don’t have the ability to load images.
Go to my site. Right Now. John Kerry has just held a press conference where he has chosen a new direction.
Unbelievable. “W” might be in trouble.

Hello, RightWingDuck here, guestblogging for the honorable Frank J. as he vacations until Wednesday.
I’ve been watching the morning news shows and have enjoyed the fact that now AT LAST the country is talking about this Swift Boat Veterans For Truth issue.
John Kerry, went to Vietnam.That much we know. But now we get to see if this guy made up all of his heroics or if it was for real. Hmmm. Well, finding out if somebody is a real war hero is EASY. You see, I’m impressed if you tell me you served on a Naval Warship. I’m less impressed if I find out that Julie McCoy was your Cruise Director.
So the best way to measure your Hero Status is to take the RightWingDuck War Hero Test…
Are You A War Hero? Test?
You are a real war hero: If you suffered battle injuries
You are a fake war hero: If most of those injuries were accidentally caused by you.
You are a real war hero: If you have been awarded medals.
You are a fake war hero: If you unwrap your shiny medals and eat the milk chocolate .
You are a real war hero: If the doctors on the battlefield described your wounds as grave.
You are a fake war hero: If those same doctors described your wound as a “booboo”
You are a real war hero: If you marched down Main Street in a parade.
You are a fake war hero: If the parade involved Disney characters and you were dressed as Pluto.
You are a real war hero: If your wounds required constant attention and changing of field dressings.
You are a fake war hero: If your wound required a Band-aid that came in different colors.
You are a real war hero: If the sailors you once led salute you when they see you.
You are a fake war hero: If they salute using only one finger.
You are a real war hero: If your hometown museum has a picture of you on its walls.
You are a fake war hero: If your picture hangs in our enemy’s Wall of Fame.
You are a real war hero: If you returned from Vietnam and drank a beer to honor your buddies still serving.
You are a fake war hero: If you threw the empty beer mug at their heads.
You are a real war hero: If you proudly show your battle scars to your children and grandchildren.
You are a fake war hero: If you can’t tell the difference between your scars and your liver spots.
You are a real war hero: If your heroism is re-enacted on the History Channel.
You are a fake war hero: If doing your OWN re-enactment was the bravest thing you ever did.
You are a real war hero: If you finished a gun battle and simply said, “I did my duty.”
You are a fake war hero: If “I did my doodie” means you took a dump in the jungle.
There you go, Mr. Kerry. How did you do?
I thought so.
This was originally a two part post. The first part is a serious article about John Kerry. You see, I finally figured out what was bothering me about this guy. I’m still editing it and should post it at www.rightwingduck.com within the next hour. I’d post it here, but I felt that a serious post was not in keeping with the IMAO theme. Check in if you like.