Well, I’m home now. It’s not raining, there’s no wind, but the clouds are really foreboding.
Oh yeah… the announcement. Know what? It’s a really big announcement, and I’m tired and there’a hurricane coming. I’ll do it Monday (and if I don’t, you have permission to lynch me).
And I haven’t forgotten about the Kerry caption contest; I’m just lazy.
Anyway, check out Spoons’s idea for a Broadway musical on John Kerry’s life.
Later, y’all (if I survive the hurricane).
Archive of entries posted on 13th August 2004
Ronin Thought of the Day
Sensei Winston Churchill was to have said:
Never, never, never believe any war will be smooth and easy, or that anyone who embarks on the strange voyage can measure the tides and hurricanes he will encounter. The statesman who yields to war fever must realize that once the signal is given, he is no longer the master of policy but the slave of unforeseeable and uncontrollable events.
Charley All Around Me… Up in the Trees…
Logically, This Should Be Funny…
Seems like this whole McGreevey thing should be funny, but my initial reaction and still current reaction is to feel sorry for his wife and children (and to a much, much lesser extent, McGreevey himself).
I guess I’ll just keep making jokes about Kerry. Did I tell you about the time I once met him in person and then beat him in a kung fu fight? The incident is seared – seared – into my memory…
Glenn Reynolds – Behind the Blog
As I have been informed by Harvey, today marks one year since declaring war on Glenn Reynolds. Since I’ve been so busy, I haven’t been too involved with the Alliance, but it seems to have been pretty active without me.
Anyway, I declared victory after Reynolds linked to me on my second blogiversary (it was his blatant not linking to me on my first blogiversary that led to this bloodshed), but I think there are some things that still need to be said. Thus, I’ve produced a documentary on DVD about Glenn Reynolds entitled Glenn Reynolds – Behind the Blog. Learn the true secrets behind Instapundit.com and hear confessions straight from Reynolds himself:
“Before 9/11, I just blogged about my daily life such as what I had for breakfast, how flammable different forest creatures are, and my vast Transformer action figure collection. After 9/11, I wrote a few political statements, and suddenly everyone was reading me. When I had this sudden fame and success… I… I just couldn’t take it, so I turned to blended puppy drinks. When people hear this they go, ‘Hey! This guy must hate puppies!’ But it’s not true; it’s just that I only like them in liquid form.”
Are all the charges against the puppy blender true? Hear it from his own mouth.
“Yeah, I’ve killed a hobo or too; who hasn’t? There’s a lot of stress with blogging each day, and you have to relieve it somehow. The whole Satan worship thing is overblown. Yeah, I sacrificed a couple goats… but that’s it.”
Learn what led to Glenn Reynolds famous blogging style and his well known descent into madness:
“I just wasn’t prepared for all the commentary people expected from me. All I wanted to talk about was little nano robots. So I’d just randomly pick a quote from some article and write either “Indeed” or “Heh” afterwards. Sometimes, though, I couldn’t decided whether the quote deserved an “Indeed” or a “Heh,” and I’d just break down sobbing and curl up into a fetal position. I was doing heroin daily at this point.”
Finally, hear why he was so vindictive against the greatest blog ever made:
“What pushed me over the edge was finding the website ‘IMAO’. I knew this guy was much better than me, and I couldn’t stand it. I’d pop a few pills, wash it down with some puppy, and then stare at his site in anger. That’s why I’d only link to IMAO occasionally instead of every single day as it deserves.”
Order this stunning DVD now while supplies last!
Oh No!
Read This or I’ll Bust Your Chops
Some good tips posted by Blackfive.
Need More Coffee
I guess I need more coffee when I saw this post from Derb in The Corner and read it as “My truth is that I am a gay Aquaman.”
BTW, today is a special anniversary. I’ll have more on that later today.
The Wind Doth Blow
Because of Hurricane Charlie, I had to dodge flying trees and cows on my way to work. Luckily I got a bigger car now; my Hyundai Accent would have just flown away. For anyone else in Florida, here was Hurricane Fact Sheet I wrote previously.
Terrorist Dig the Sensitive Types
Cheney made fun of Kerry’s statement about fighting a “more sensitive war on terror.” Republicans are so mean; I don’t know why I am one (oh yeah, I’m mean; that reminds me: you’re all losers!).
Anyway, I was thinking, if Kerry is elected president, how could we conduct a more sensitive war on terror? Here’s what I came up with:
* Instead of writing things on missiles such as “Suck on this!” and “Payback time!”, write “We’re really, really sorry about this.”
* Bombers will have a bumper sticker on them saying, “How’s my bombing? Call 1-800-COLLATERAL”
* Replace Marine triumphant yell of “Ooh-rah!” with “Kumbyah!”
* Everyone in the Navy must memorize and be able to sing the lyrics to the Village People song “In the Navy” (or is that already mandated?).
* Instead of training with use of bayonets for close quarters combat, they’ll train to use hugs.
* With each division, embed a reporter and a clown who can make balloon animals.
* Near each base, have anonymous complaint forms for terrorists to fill out (no bombs in the suggestion box, please).
* Instead of rifles firing NATO rounds, they fire bubbles. Yay bubbles!
* Give terrorists who bomb civilians a “time out.”
* Before beginning a strike, drop leaflets over the targeted area entitled “So you’ve been attacked by America.”
* Train Special Forces to sneak into a terrorist headquarters while the terrorist are away so they can set up an intervention.
* Just because it’s a war zone doesn’t mean there has to be so much yelling.
* Each soldier gets assigned a terrorist to be the secret Santa of.
* Enemy fire is immediately responded to with the statement, “We know this is just misdirected anger at your father.”
* Less naked prisoner pyramids.
* Try to get terrorists to surrender by reminding them over and over that our commander in chief “served in Vietnam.”