It looks like the Chomps shirt design is now done. I just need to get a confirmation from Doug and then I’ll begin to premiere it.
Everyone must buy one, BTW.

Okay. RightWingDuck here.
I thought Frank was going to start posting again, but it seems that he won’t be back full time until tomorrow.
Former Senator, and current Kerry crony, Max Cleland went to the Bush Ranch to deliver a letter asking him to stop the Swift Boat Veterans recent attacks.
See, this is how John Kerry fought in Vietnam too. He took cover and let other people do the fighting.
Mr. Cleland served in Vietnam. He blew off both legs and an arm when he picked up an American grenade while resting at an American base. To John Kerry, that is war heroism. To us, that’s Workers Comp. Thank you for serving Mr. Cleland.
Here are the things Dubya should have said regarding the Swift Boat Veterans.
Hey, you’re not John Kerry’s regular butler
I’m sorry. We’ll have to form a multinational coalition to deal with this problem.
Mr. Kerry, ask yourself this, “WWFD. What Would France Do?”
Make up your mind. When it comes to our Vietnam Experiences, do you want me to ‘Bring It On’ — or “Make it Stop’?
“Have you read any good books lately?”
Mr. Kerry, how do you squeal “uncle” in French?
What bothers you more about the Swift Boat Veterans. That they were in Vietnam with you or that they actually fought the enemy?
Pretend that the Swift Boat Veterans are a hostile foreign country — to whom would you complain? The United Nations? France? Me?
If the Swift Boat Veterans hurt you three times will you be packing your bags and going home -like you did in Vietnam?
I’m sorry. I’m watching Fahrenheit 9/11 right now. Did you have a complaint of some kind?
Mr. Cleland should be careful. Anybody who serves with John Kerry ends up getting denounced by him.
Just a few observations. 🙂
Okay. This is my last post. Visit me at www.rightwingduck.com. Don’t be strangers.

Hi Gang, RightWingDuck posting on our final Guest Blogging day. Frank J. has returned!
Harvey just posted about terrorists and things you should know – memorize these and know them well.
Interesting because, I’ve been housing a foreign exchange student from a Middle Eastern Madrasa. As you know Madrasas are fundamentalist Islamist Schools that train young terrorists.
He’s here attending UCLA. He either wants to blow himself up or be a politician. Or, maybe he can do both – like Howard Dean!
Here are some things I have learned from this young man about his Madrasa – Blowup High!
Madrasas: An Educational Primer
Madrasas are great places for child care — instead of Playdoh they use C-4. These projects are then used by the older students. There’s nothing like blowing something up knowing it was done by a cute little bunny.
Madrasa students learn how to wear and detonate explosive vests.
Although explosive vests are popular, they think that the next trend will be explosive ponchos — with matching hat of course.
Sometimes a student will accidentally blow himself up. This is embarrassing and entails a lot of messy cleanup!
Not coincidentally, the favorite wall color at a Madrasa is dark reddish brown.
In a Madrasa the phrase, “You want a piece of me?” is not a challenge to fight. After suicide missions, students are allowed to keep a piece of their friend as a souvenir.
The favorite sport at Blowup High is soccer. They pretend the ball is a Jewish head or sometimes just George Bush.
The cheerleading squad has a great following at all of the soccer games. They wear full Burquas but on occasion you can catch a slight glimpse of ankle.
Showing ankle is subject to honor killing, but instructors understand that these are growing boys who need release.
The Madrasa Dorms have a big problem dealing with pornography. The big thing now for the young men is a fascination with Bur-qa-ki. No details. Too graphic.
Sometimes for fun, the older kids will go Camel Tipping.
Anything else the camel tells you is a damn lie!
Many Madrasas barely even taught their kids to read. That is until the passing of the No Madrasa Left Behind program. The instructors opposed standardized testing.
The school mascot is Kenny the Camel. They love the way he foams at the mouth when he screams.
That’s also why they like Al Gore.
A portrait of George Bush sits in each Madrasa. Hitting the forehead is good for 50 points.
A portrait of John Kerry sits in Madrasas also.
The Terrorists for Kerry activity group is one of the fastest growing clubs on each campus. Come to the next event — bring a pie!
As you know, Frank J. is back. Hurray! Welcome back, Frank.
What? You want your blog back? Nooooooooooooooooooooooo
Which brings me to my final note.
It has been fun posting to this site. I hope you have laughed just a bit and enjoyed my humor. If you have, I hope that you will bookmark www.rightwingduck.com and visit each afternoon. If not, than you are obviously questioning my patriotism and are working in conjunction with the evil Republicans.
P.S. Vote Republican!

Wow, that was the most excruciating, painful, and tiring first date team-building exercise have I’ve ever been through. Still I declare it a complete success, and I think we, the employees of IMAO, have come up with great ideas to improve shareholder value.
Anyway, I’m still sore, I was extremely late for work, I haven’t been following the news, and McDonalds gave me cream and sugar for my coffee when I specifically said no cream and sugar, so no more posts from me today– probably. If Harvey and rightwingduck could post some more today, I’d appreciate it. I haven’t had a chance to read all they wrote while I was gone, but it looks like they did a great job. Also, traffic didn’t surge while they posted, which would suck because that means you like them better than me.
Tomorrow I’ll get back to regular posting and tell you all about the IMAO Employee Team-Building Trip 2004 (with pictures). I’m sure SarahK will have some thing to say until then, but remember that I’m the only one who always tells the truth.
To leave you something, here’s a song I wrote about the Grand Canyon

THE SUPER FUN GRAND CANYON
One evening as the sun went down
And the jungle fires were burning,
Down the track came a hobo hiking,
And he said, “Boys, I’m not turning
I’m headed for a land that’s far away
Besides the crystal fountains
So come with me, we’ll go and see
The Super Fun Grand Canyon
In the Super Fun Grand Canyon,
There’s a land that’s fair and bright,
Where the handouts grow on bushes
And you sleep out every night.
Where the boxcars all are empty
And the sun shines every day
And the birds and the bees
And the cigarette trees
The lemonade springs
Where the bluebird sings
In the Super Fun Grand Canyon.
In the Super Fun Grand Canyon
All the cops have wooden legs
And the bulldogs all have rubber teeth
And the hens lay soft-boiled eggs
The farmers’ trees are full of fruit
And the barns are full of hay
Oh I’m bound to go
Where there ain’t no snow
Where the rain don’t fall
The winds don’t blow
In the Super Fun Grand Canyon.
In the Super Fun Grand Canyon
You never change your socks
And the little streams of alcohol
Come trickling down the rocks
The brakemen have to tip their hats
And the railway bulls are blind
There’s a lake of stew
And of whiskey too
You can paddle all around it
In a big canoe
In the Super Fun Grand Canyon
In the Super Fun Grand Canyon,
The jails are made of tin.
And you can walk right out again,
As soon as you are in.
There ain’t no short-handled shovels,
No axes, saws nor picks,
I’m bound to stay
Where you sleep all day,
Where they hung the jerk
That invented work
In the Super Fun Grand Canyon.

UPDATE: SarahK is already spreading filthy lies. I should have my account of last Thursday and Friday up tomorrow.

(A final Guest Post by Harvey of Bad Example)
To celebrate Frank J’s return, I’m saying farewell with something I posted back in April at Bad Money, taking off on Frank’s Fun Facts About Terrorists T-shirt. Which everybody should buy several of. Anyway, you guys should enjoy this:

Terrorists often shout “Allah Akbar” just before attacking, which is Arabic for “I’m a dumbass”
Terrorists will often be seen wearing curly-toed, green felt shoes with bells, much like Christmas elves, except more explosive.
Terrorists are usually young men of Middle-Eastern descent, but not always, so as a precaution you should randomly put your hand down women’s pants to check for C4.
Large groups of children make prime targets for terrorists. If you see a large group of children, scatter them with a stink bomb for their own good.
The best way to prevent terrorist attacks is by passing strongly worded legislation. Please support the “Don’t Blow People Up Act”
If you see a terrorist carrying a bomb, hit him with a rolled up newspaper and rub his nose in it while saying “No! Bad!”
Some people think that reasoned discourse is the best way to deal with terrorism. They are either French or stupid. Either way, ignore them.
On the off chance that the French are right, ship all terrorists to France for a good talking to.
When shipping terrorists, be sure to cut air holes in the container before covering the holes over with duct tape.
If the terrorist being shipped starts saying something like “Help! I can’t breathe!”, don’t be alarmed, because that’s actually Arabic for “I am happy to be going to France for a good talking to.”
Not everyone who shouts “Die American Pigs!” is a terrorist. He might be a commie, a hippy, or Al Franken. Shoot him anyway, just to be safe.
If there is someone on the wing of the airplane trying to wreck the engine, he is probably a gremlin, and not a terrorist. Don’t shoot him unless you are William Shatner.
The following people are not actually terrorists: Alec Baldwin, Barbra Streisand, Michael Moore, and Janeane Garofalo. If you see them, shoot them anyway, because they’re damned annoying.
If you’re out of bullets, ship them to France.
Use extra duct tape.
Terrorists can often be found in folk bands shaking a wooden hoop ringed with tiny cymbals.
Wait… that’s a tambourinist. Don’t shoot him because you might run out of bullets, which you’ll need if you see Michael Moore.
Poverty is the root cause of terrorism. If you see a poor person, shoot him.
Jews are often victimized by terrorists. If you see a Jew, shoot anyone standing next to him.
Buy a lot of stock in companies that make bullets.
Don’t sell the stock, or you’ll wind up in jail and Martha Stewart will make you her bitch.
John Kerry is not a terrorist. Don’t shoot him, lest the Democrats replace him with a viable Presidential candidate.
Saddam Hussein is a terrorist, but he’s been captured, so don’t shoot him.
But if you do shoot at him and “accidentally” miss and hit his French lawyer… Hey, I didn’t see ANYTHING.
Yasser Arafat isn’t a terrorist. He’s a… wait… yes he is. Have at him.
Not all terrorists are bad. Some of them are good.
For target practice.
Terrorists would prefer that John Kerry be elected President. If you see someone voting for John Kerry… well, they’re probably American citizens and you’re probably low on bullets, so just ship them to France. But go easy on the duct tape.
Unless it’s Alec Baldwin

Welcome home, Frank.
We missed you.

…and my legs hurt.
I’ll say more after I get some sleepy.