Okay, Ukraine, we have a lot of crap to deal with. We have countries filled with wackos who love to blow themselves up, so we don’t have time to deal with someone who can’t count his chads. You think this is funny? We don’t. We’re pissed off, actually. And you know what happens when we’re pissed off.
I guess you don’t care about that though. You just want to dick around and don’t care what happens. I bet we could set Kiev aflame and this would still be some big joke to you. “Look at us silly Ukrainians, having election trouble and causing more instability in the world!” How about we bomb a few y’s out of Kryvyy Rih (Kryvyy? ‘y’ is sometimes a vowel; try getting friendly with stalwarts ‘a’, ‘e’, ‘i’, ‘o’, and ‘u’)? That means nothing to you, huh? You just like being the center of world attention.
Then what if we bomb… I dunno… Belarus? What, I have your attention now? I never even heard of the country, but I guess you have. They’re right next to you. I’m sure you and the Belarusians get together and dance happy little East European dances. So what happens if we bomb Minsk, Pinsk, and cities in Belarus that don’t rhyme? What, you think we’re bluffing? Hey, we’re crazy, muchachos, and all you foreign countries start to look the same to us. You keep up your crap, Ukraine, and you’ll be seeing the Belarusians screaming and weeping and it will be all on you.
Oh, so suddenly this isn’t funny anymore. Well, we’re America, and our degrees of diplomacy are measured by the tons of explosive used. So why don’t you have an open and fair election, or we will bomb you and the country next to you.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us – though is still available to replace William Safire if anyone from the NY Times is reading – and is the author of such books as “The Hindenburg Has Crashed into the Titanic: An Analysis of the Current State of the Democratic Party” and “Cats Like Lamps.”
First
Really? You would want to write for the Times?
Frank, where are your standards?
Someone has to be the voice of reason at that miserable rag…
of course, when Frank becomes the voice of reason, what does that mean for the world?
Nice flowers for SarahK -schmoopy
snicker, snicker
“Our degrees of diplomacy are measured by the tons of explosive used.”
this has to be turned in to a tshirt somehow
I second the T-shirt idea.
These things wouldn’t happen if we would Nuke the Moon.
When I think of the great political minds of humanity. I think of Niccolo Machiavelli and Frank J. Too bad you don’t run our country. Perhaps you should try for it one day.
Don’t know why, but this reminded me of a quote from “Catch-22”
“I can’t have him shot? What’s the use of being a General if I can’t have anyone shot?”
Off topic, but have you looked at FrontPageMag.com today? It seems as if DH is gunning for Al Franken. What if the idea of posting liberals’ pictures on various sites took hold? Hmmmmmm…maybe you could post Mikey Moore’s pic with the word “HOMOPHOBE” superimposed over it?
At least someone is doing happy dances.
You want to know what I don’t like about IMAO? When I read something written by Frank J. and laugh out loud, and there is no way to explain to the people who heard me laughing what it was that I thought was so funny…(most recently it was the second book title, “Cats Like Lamps”).
The only solution: everybody should read IMAO everyday, so I don;t have to explain these things.
Apropos of both this editorial and happy dances, here’s a good song for a happy dance.
ahem Just saying. :o)
Where is the Ukraine anyway…
The Hindenburg Has Crashed into the Titanic: An Analysis of the Current State of the Democratic Party
And Cap’n “Exxon Valdez” Hazelwood was at the helm.
I third the t-shirt. Maybe with a MOAB in the background?
No, we’re talking about the Democratic Party here. Both vessels were crewed by leprechauns in circus costumes. Rather than the orchestra playing “Nearer My God to Thee,” there is a calliope and a monkey banging two cymbals together.
what a comeback post! awesome!
Is the title and the last line of this article a salute to Under Siege? If so, I am even more impressed that I usually am.
well, I know MY cats like lamps.
MD2020,
It’s at least my third time to make a reference to that line on IMAO.
I guess im fourthing the T-shirt. Has that ever been done before?
We want the t-shirt!
cats don’t like lamps.
This isn’t about chads. This is about acid being poured into ballot boxes and innocent women getting the shit beat out of them because they were protecting the ballot boxes from Russian thugs.
I guess if you don’t care about Russia trying to re-form the Soviet Union, then you could bitch at Ukraine all you want. But I suppose we’re going to be bombing the Russians too, huh?
Oh, and copying George Carlin doesn’t make you look very smart either.
Who cares what cats like? Bomb them and the cat next to them.
George who? I copied Under Siege.
The “about the author” part is, oddly enough, usually the funniest part.
I’m not as upset as Stefan. But the Ukrainians were minding their own business, voting for a pro-Western guy to run things, when the Russians came in and seriously voter frauded their election. If Canadians came across the border and stuffed the ballot boxes for John Kerry, we wouldn’t be too happy either. I say get on Russia’s case (or Putin’s case, more precisely), but cut the Ukrainians some slack. Oh, and … “The Hindenburg Has Crashed into the Titanic: An Analysis of the Current State of the Democratic Party” is the funniest book title this year.
Love the Democrat book. I’ll be looking for it on Amazon.com
Stephen, hello … humor site.
I can’t wait for the mess to be resolved in the Ukraine. Hopefully it will be resolved in a way that further undermines Russia and the communists. But, 80% of Americans don’t care a bit.
Mountain, if the Canadians came over the border and did anything of consequence at all, it would take years for the shock to wear off.
Frank, when I am President, you get to be Secretary of State.
Yeah, I vote for bombing Russia. Go to the source.