Hello, kids. It’s your favorite superhero and new IMAO blogger, Aquaman!
As you all know, I have the greatest superpower of all: the ability to talk to fish. Fish have a great many things to say, especially your household goldfish. Goldfish love to swim around their bowls all day. They love it more than anything else. Would they have the ability, they would murder you and everyone you care about to keep swimming in circles forever. It’s funny, I’ve talked to many different goldfish, but pretty much all phrase their love of swimming in circles in terms of who they’d murder to keep up their lifestyle.
But the purpose of this post isn’t to make you scared of your goldfish; I just said all that so you can empathize with how much joy they have in swimming in circles. You know what crushes that joy, though? When someone taps on the glass.
Now, you may not even hear the sound the tapping makes, but, to them, it’s like a drum is being constantly pounded right in their skulls. They tell me over and over that they just wish they could use their fins to operate a gun and blow their brains out rather than deal with the tapping.
Goldfish are very morbid when not swimming in circles.
So, kids, respect your goldfish and don’t tap on the glass. Also, remember to always wear a helmet when riding a bike. If you fall off your bike without a helmet, even I can’t save you (unless you fall into water… and that one is still iffy).
This is Aquaman, signing off.
Double-you. Tee. Eff.
Hilarious.
First!
I like to feed goldfish to pirhanas!
oops! 2nd …
Aquaman + Tartar Sauce = YUM
Alright… is Frank -still- drunk or what?
Aquaman ha!!
Off Topic Hunter S. Thompson died yesterday 🙁
Now the dream battle of Aquaman versus a Flying Space Monkey can FINALLY come to fruition!
Oh man, almost forgot to beat my fist on the side of my aquarium today! Thanks for the reminder.
How I loathe thee, Aquaman, how I loathe thee.
Do goldfish mind if you get a straw and blow bubbles into the water?
Oh yeah, well, I won’t wear a helmet!
jonag,
No, they like that.
Tyler,
Then you take your life into your own hands, fool!
babagonoosh, that’s not going to happen. At least it won’t happen until one of our archnemeses?, archnemesii?, archnemesum? takes over one of our minds and forces us to turn on the other IMAO-friends. Till that day arrives, though, we’ve got each other’s back.
ha… ha… ha……
no
Poser. Jimmy Olsen killed Aquaman ages ago.
Last Frame.
Nice t-shirt. Do you think you could take Hate Filled Lefty one on one, or would he feed you your gills?
I think we need a cage match.
Ha! I have you now, Aqua-PUNK!!
hahahahahahahhahaha
I knew this was going to happen.
Now that was funny!
Hey, Aquaman, in a fight between you and a newborn kitten, who would win? I always wondered about that.
my goldfish died
So you can talk to Phish? So could I, if they would get rid of the restraining order and start returning my phone calls…