Part I

“Howard Dean is certainly showing a lot of energy having just thrown Bush out the window of the Japanese embassy,” CNN’s Lefty Stevens commented, “As Dean proceeds to try and beat Bush to death, many may see that as a partisan gesture, but it sure is rallying his base.”
“Kill! Blood! Kill!” shouted the gathered Democrats.
“We’ll keep following this story as it unfolds,” Stevens announced, “and then go to the news round up with more slander against the military.”
“Yeaaaagh!” Dean screamed as he charged Bush. Bush rolled out of the way and Dean plowed into a brick wall, getting his head stuck in it. Bush ran over and delivered a series of kidney punches, but Dean pulled his head out of the brick wall and continued at Bush unperturbed.
“There’s no stopping him!” Bush exclaimed as he backed away.
Dean ripped a streetlight out of the ground and swung it at Bush like a bat. “Yeaaagh!”
Bush went flying and hit the ground rolling. “I’m gonna feel that in the morning.” He got up and turned to Dean. “I have some very important business with North Korea right now; can we save this partisan bickering for later?”
“Hate Republicans! Yeaaaagh!” Dean screamed as he ran at Bush. Bush fled as fast as he could, and then spotted a building marked as “Condemned” and ran for its door.
“Wait!” yelled a demolitions man, “We’re about to blow up that building!”
“Yes,” Bush answered as he continued towards it, “And set the explosives off at my mark.” He kept running, and then paused for a moment to turn back to the demolitions man. “The signal will be me screaming like a little girl.”
Bush came in through the door, and Dean then burst in through the wall. “Yeaaaagh! Your war is full of lies! Lies!”
“Shut up!” Bush yelled back as he fled up the stairs. He then took off his suit jacket and dangled it in front of him like a matador. “Come and get me, Howie.”
“Yeaaagh!” Dean charged Bush who deftly moved aside and let Dean plow into a wall. Bush then jumped out a window and used his jacket to slide away on a power line.
“Eeeeee!” Bush screamed, and the building exploded behind him. The power line then gave way, and Bush plummeted to the pavement.
“I hate the Republicans and everything they stand for!” Dean was heard to shout as the building collapsed about him.
Bush looked up to see Condoleezza Rice standing over him. “Bravo. You outwitted a raving lunatic.”
“Always knew I could,” Bush said as he stood up and dusted himself off. He then looked to the smoldering ruins of the building. “Do you think he’s dead?”
“You slowed him down at least,” Condi answered, “Anyway, the Japanese found it very dishonorable how you snubbed their meeting to have a street fight and now won’t help us. Also, I talked to the Chinese, and they won’t help us because they’re damn Commies.”
“But we can’t have unilateral talks with North Korea!” Bush yelled, “That’s just what Jongy-boy wants! We need allies.” Bush stopped to think.
After a while of silence, Condi prompted, “And?”
“Give me a little longer,” Bush responded, “I ain’t good at this.”

“If we nuked them, then they’d only be a nuclear threat in that they themselves would be irradiated,” Rumsfeld suggested.
“No new wars right now,” Bush answered.
Rumsfeld glanced at Condi. “I guess the administration is full of girls now.”
“By the way, Rummy,” Bush said, “Can I borrow Chomps, the world’s angriest dog, to help protect me against Howard Dean, the world’s angriest Democrat?”
“He has a busy schedule of hippy mauling,” Rumsfeld responded, “He doesn’t have time to be your bodyguard.”
Bush looked to Chomps who was lying at Rumsfeld’s feet. “Maybe he’s just scared.”
Chomps growled and snapped at Bush. Bush jumped on the table in the war room and then leapt up to the light fixture above to get away.
“One of your politician friends is here,” Laura Bush called.
“Send him in,” Bush said as he got back down and Chomps went back to his sleeping spot.
“Wow! Golly gosh!” shouted a man as he entered, “Thanks for asking me over!”
“And who is this?” Condi asked Bush.
“It’s Joseph… uh… tell everyone your name.”
“I’m Joseph Urusemal, and it’s super cool to be here!”
“He’s the prime minister or king or tribal leader or whatever of Micronesia,” Bush explained.
“I’m a president, just like you!” Urusemal exclaimed, “We’re so much like America in Micronesia and just love helping out.”
“That’s great, Joey,” Bush said with a forced smile.
“Micronesia?” Condi questioned.
“They’re one of the few countries in the world that try to suck up to us,” Bush whispered to her, “We need these talks to be multilateral, and he was the only one that agreed to come.”
“We’re going to give those mean ‘ole North Koreans such a talking to, ya betcha!” Urusemal said excitedly, “You can’t go wrong with Micronesia on your side!”
Rumsfeld chuckled. “Looks like I’m going to have that war after all.”

“We have the intelligence you asked for.” The intelligence agent handed over a document to Kim Jon Il.
Jong eagerly opened the folder to see a picture of a briefcase. “You’re sure this is the president’s?”
“Quite sure.”
“Excellent! Hee hee hee!” Jong giggled with girlish glee.
“One problem,” the intelligence agent said, “Bush is bringing another head of state with him to the talks.”
“No!” Jong shouted, “That will ruin my plans! We need to get him here alone!” Jong turned to the mullah from Iran standing in the room. “If you want America destroyed and nuclear weapons of your own, you stall Bush while I intimidate the South Koreans. Also, kill whoever is with him!”
The mullah smiled. “It will be done.”
TO BE CONTINUED…