Archive of entries posted on 25th February 2005

Evil Glenn’s Government Contract

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(A Filthy Lie)

I was doing research for my forthcoming book, “Stupid Government! Stop Wasting My Money! I Hate You!”, and I came across an interesting web site – www.porkbarrelsquanderers.gov – which lists every single sleazy, nepotistic government contract ever handed out.

In amongst such obvious scams as the “horse-drawn horse” and the “solid gold featherbed”, I noticed that Glenn Reynolds had been awarded a juicy $12 billion contract for his plan entitled “How to Save the Lives of our Brave American Soldiers”.

Curious, I clicked the link.

And saw what YOU’LL see if you check the extended entry…
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Links of the Day

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Laurence Simon, in an uncharacteristically PG-rated post 😉 , has tips for protecting your identity.

Most credit card companies ask for your mother’s maiden name to confirm who you are. Change the question to your father’s maiden name and nobody will ever get past their lax security.

there’s much more where that came from. go see.
Carnival of the Recipes #28 is up over at Rocket Jones. go read that yummy goodness. oh, and the first person to send me the Chocolate Kahlua Trifles a la Christina is my new favorite.
Gullyborg has the second edition of Carnival of the Cordite. i don’t know what that is, but it has something to do with guns, so i’m all for it.
finally, Pinwheels is in Alaska (from Guam) this week because he’s up for the Air Mobility Squadron Officer of the Year award or something like that. good luck and congratulations, Pinwheels. (thanks to the Bebe for the tipoff.)

RWD’s News Round-up – Friday

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Hello Readers,
I’m RightWingDuck, here to share the news.
A few days ago, I talked about the poll that said America was ready for a female president. I told you not to take it too seriously because the other question was, “Would you vote for somebody whose name rhymed with nillary hinton?”
I hate being right. I think it’s one of the signs of the end times.
There’s an article that shows that the poll in question was taken at
the First Woman President symposium
So, in other words, at a female president symposium, 63 percent said they were ready to see a woman in the Oval office.
63 Percent!!
What about the other 37 percent of attendees? Were they only there for the food?
Man, don’t you hate it when the polling is tainted?
In other news, 4 out of 5 Jackson’s feel Michael is innocent.

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Top 10 Indicators You May Be Left of Liberal

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10. You never could throw your full support behind John Kerry once you found out his first name is found in the Bible, of all places.
9. One of the few reasons you couldn’t bring yourself to assasinate the president is you’d have to actually buy a gun.
8. Your opinions and values carry more weight than those that oppose you, because you care.
7. To save money you bought an effigy of Bush made of asbestos. You later returned it when you realized ‘the bush burned with fire, but the bush was not consumed.’ is ALSO found in the Bible.
6. You believe the death penalty should be abolished…after it’s applied to those that support it.
5. You believe that any news service that doesn’t keep ‘Bush is EV1L Incarnate’ as its lead story is undeniably linked to a Vast Right Wing Conspiracy.
4. Four years later and you are STILL protesting outside the Broward County Courthouse for Gore-Lieberman 2000.
3. You have made a sign which you carry to every protest that just says ‘NO!’. It’s written in your own blood from when you carved ‘I’m Sorry, World’ on your forehead.
2. You acknowlege the ‘Vast Right Wing Conspiracy’ exists and is inherently evil but often lose sleep at night worrying there are smaller ‘Widespread Right Wing Conspiracies’ that need to be stamped out too and aren’t getting the attention they deserve.
And the number one Indicator You May Be Left of Liberal….

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Is Howard Dean a True Progressive?

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Hello, Aquafans.
I’ve spent more time reading these things you call “blogs.” One of the more popular ones is something called “Little Green Footballs” written by the so-called “Charles Johnson.” All he seems to do is excerpt other written pieces and maybe put a few things in bold. Any fool could do that! Look:

Animal rights activists are disgusted by a new candy from Kraft Foods Inc. (KFT) that’s shaped like critters run over by cars — complete with tire treads.
The fruity-flavored Trolli Road Kill Gummi Candy — in shapes of partly flattened snakes, chickens and squirrels — fosters cruelty toward animals, according to the New Jersey Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.
“It sends the wrong message to children, that it’s OK to harm animals. And that’s the wrong message, especially from a so-called wholesome corporation like Kraft,” said society spokesman Matthew Stanton.
The society is considering petition drives, boycotts and letter-writing campaigns to get the candy pulled from the market, Stanton said.
After receiving a complaint from the NJSPCA Wednesday, Kraft officials pulled an animated advertisement from Trolli’s Web site that featured car headlights and animals. No other decisions on changes have been made, said Kraft spokesman Larry Baumann.

Child’s play! If the master of the seas is to blog, his goals should be loftier.
Then I saw this story on the CNN news site. Many progressives are hopeful that Howard Dean will stay true to liberal causes and not be drawn in by the dark, welcoming caress of centrism.
But how do we know what Dean really feels when the cameras aren’t on him? What is his true agenda? Some would say we just can’t ever know for sure, but I say that this looks like a job for…

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Speak with a Japanese Accent and Carry a Big, Sharp Stick

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I’ve read a little about the meetings Bush is having with people in Europe, and I’d probably do some things differently. Like, with Chirac, as soon as I saw him, I’d charged him. Then I’d quickly draw my samurai sword and slice off his head. His headless body, hand still held out for a handshake, would slowly collapse to the ground.
“Old Europe is of no use to me!” I would announce, “They should stay out of my way, or…” I’d hold up Chirac’s head. “…this will be their fate!” Then I’d drop the head in the nearest waste basket and walk off.
As for Schroeder, I’d tell him firmly, “You have defied me, so now you are dead to me.” Then I’d quickly draw my sword, stab in the belly, and cut out such that his guts spilled all over the floor. “And now you are dead to everyone. Ha!”
Then for Putin… well, I don’t know if I’d do anything different; relations are a bit precarious right now.

Breathing and Its Newsworthiness

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I was checking the villainous FOX News site today, and their top headline is “Pope Breathing on His Own.” Can’t most land creatures do that? Why does that make the news? Well, let me ask you this: Can the pope breathe on his own… underwater? I know I can. Shouldn’t that be the headline news: “Aquaman Breathing on His Own – Both on Land and in Sea!”
Why am I always getting cheated out of the news?

The Ballad of Frank J.’s Accident

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Frank J. was recently involved in a car accident, and it looks like paying for all those repair bills may prevent him from buying that 75 carat diamond ring that the lovely & talented SarahK‘s been eyeballing.
This. Will. Not. Do.
Being a married man myself, it pains me greatly to think that Frank J. might somehow escape the chafing bonds of wedded bliss.
So, in the fine tradition of such great celebrity fund-raising songs as “We Are the World“, and “We’re Sending Our Love Down the Well“, I’ve penned a little ditty to help Frank J. out.
[NOTE: The lyrics – while PG-13 – aren’t entirely SarahK-safe, so I’m putting it in the extended entry. If she REALLY wants to sing it, I can whip up an FM version. Also, I’m not presently aware of a tune that fits the meter of the lyrics. If you think of one, leave a note in the comments]:

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