If you have been following this blog the last few days, you know that we have run a little bit asunder of the Church of Scientology. Well, I’ve done a lot of soul searching about that and have had a change of heart. I realize now that my soul was poisoned by the spirits of thousands of Thetans who were brought to this planet 75 million years ago in DC8s, placed on volcanos in the South Pacific, and killed with hydrogen bombs by the evil extraterrestrial tyrant Xenu. I’ve undergone some emergency remedial auditing and clay tabling (at the bargain basement price of $17,800.00) and am proud to say that I now heartily endorse the Church of Scientology. I encourage all of you to beg, borrow or steal all the cash you can get your hands on and head down to the nearest Scientology Center so that you too can undergo this wonderous transformation. On a related note, this blog will become a private, invitation only blog after this weekend. My auditor told me that I can no longer speak to friends, family members or anyone else who hasn’t purchased their way sufficiently across the Bridge of consciousness, so adios all you non-believers. I’m deleting all my e-mail addresses and changing my phone numbers. I will be glad to speak to you, however, at any officially sanctioned Scientology event. Death to Xenu, and live long and prosper!
Must be first to become indoctrinated and give all my money to a dead sub-par sci-fi author.
Speaking of Scientologists I just got back from War of the Worlds. Here’s some advice if you are on the fence about going to see it: stay on the fence in fact, hide behind the fence. I would be most interested to hear other peoples views on this cinematic pile of expletive deleted but I thought it sucked royaly.
I was really looking forward to it, but then I read Ebert’s review–he said that they mauled the basic story (it made no sense how they set it up) and the special effects were lousey. I was burned by Minority Report (which was terrible IMAO), and Collateral was idiotic the last 45 minutes, so I’m torn.
Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
I loved the film. Read my review here.
Can I have one of those neat rayguns? All space aliens have rayguns. I can take it fishing to kill the Carp. A Phaser set to kill would be alright too. Does scientology have like an outlet store for these things?
Frank, you’re as clear as mud.
I find it really silly how Speilberg hides behind his directors chair and uses that as a tool to make some kind of political statement about America and certain policies.
Now hes working on a film about the Munich Olympic killings and the Isreali retaliation against terrorists.
I think Michael Moore is a fat moron who could use some Jenny Craig, but at least he can wear his beliefs on his sleeve and spew them in his rather slanted ways. Spielberg says nothing, but has these little hints and what not in his films. Complete coward.
Frank, how did you get the discount?
I hear they are giving a money back guarantee on Russell Crow’s movie. They should try it on this flick…I hear it sucks the big green weenie!
So, Frank now that you have taken the mark of the beast and damned your eternal soul forever, what’s next on the agenda?
The lobotomy scar is a nice touch.
You’d think people would have a clue– L. Ron Hubbard was a science fiction writer who started a religion. Hello– is anybody home? Maybe Frank should start a religion centered around satire!
Does it hurt when you get beamed up to the mother ship.
Speilberg’s next film will essentially be a remake of ‘Sword of Gideon’, a made for tv film about the same events. I think it’s not so much him burying his views into his work as a shortage of new ideas, hence two remakes in a row.
Goe, waiting for Speilberg’s remake of Killer Tomatoes.
Ron, since Scientology proclaims all “Space Opera” as true history, that would mean that Hitchhiker’s Guide is true. As such, being beamed to the Mother Ship is akin to being drunk.
Ask a glass of water.
We’re all too dumb to realize that the R6 implant is supressing our memory of these things, Frank, so cut us some slack. I love the part about how movie theaters are decorated according to the R6 implantation centers due to some of those suppressed memories bubbling to the surface. When I was sitting in that theater watching Star Wars, I was so close to the truth. Anyone who read that Xenu entry notice how similar it is to the plot of the Matrix? Are the Wachowski (sp) brothers clams? The Matrix is almost identical in terms of plot.
frank, you need to road trip to clearwater for a little R&R and scientology mocking.
Their real estate holdings there are quite impressive. The people standing around the buildings are all zombies. You could probably get some good interviews with the zombies and the locals – who mostly hate the scientologists.
If you see someone with a black rag tied around their arm, they’re in the RFP – basically in a reeducation camp. Google clearwater and RFP for more.
Isn’t Scientology like the Italian Mafia of the religious racket? Be careful Frank, that you don’t end up in the cornfield.
In the meantime please continue to F$&% with these morons as it is extremely amusing for me to know your site has gotten under their skin.
TEEEEEEEJ
So when are you going to do a “Know Thy Enemy: Xenu”?
Okay, so this is too weird. I just got back from vacationing in the Caribbean. I took a Windjammer sailing cruise through the ABC islands (Aruba, Bonaire and Curacao). We hit the same ports as this other ship call “Freewinds”. Its a huge cruiseliner. But it was absolutely desolate. Not a soul got on or off. I figured it was just sitting in port waiting for passengers or something.
One of the crew members of our boat informed us that it is owned by Scientologists. Interesting. But we went to the next island, and it showed up the next day (like it was following us). Still, not a soul on deck, or getting on or off. It was just like this huge ghost-ship with no people.
Very creepy!
Captain Vandervecken, I presume…
Xenu? Bah. The Marcab Confederation owns Xenu.
L. Ron:
“[The Marcab Confederation consisted of] various planets united into a very vast civilization which has come forward up through the last 200,000 years, formed out of the fragments of earlier civilizations. In the last 10,000 years they have gone on with a sort of decadent kicked-in-the-head civilization that contains automobiles, business suits, fedora hats, telephones, spaceships — a civilization which looks almost an exact duplicate but is worse off than the current US civilization.”
They also had fun pastimes such as nuke racing:
“They had turbine-generated cars that went about 275 miles an hour. They ran with a high whine. I notice they’ve just now invented the motor again. And they had tracks that were booby-trapped with atom bombs, and they had side bypasses. The tracks were mined, and the grandstands were leaded-paned.”
This is what you get when you shell over $300K. Wow, just wow.
We’ll just buy Xenu out, One day’s PoPCo receipts ought to do it.
http://www.amalgamationstarfleet.org
Ran into your site while surfing today. If you are making the Scientologists angry, your OK with me. If you’ve ever met anyone who’s in, and has no money, they work 24/7 there and look like they have AIDS.
By the way, I thought WOTW’s was good, no political or religious messages, just some great special effects and really creepy aliens who suck human blood. I was waiting for the underlying messages, but they never came, good job to Spielberg on this one.
I just heard someone say that L. Ron Hubbard was talking to another sci-fi author one day, and he bet the guy that he could create a religion out of nothing, making it all up, and thousands of people would believe it. Looks like ‘ol Daddy Hubbard won his bet.