Important to know Chuck Norris facts such as “Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.” and “Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.”
Probably a good idea to set down all beverages and empty your bladder before reading. Actually, I don’t know if it’s all good, because I can’t even complete reading it now because it’s too funny.
(hat tip to Jonah Goldberg of The Corner)
Need I mention there’s nothing there about an ability to communicate with fish? Draw your own conclusion.
Aquaman,
You don’t want a battle between you and Chuck Norris.
I want to see a cage match between Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer, but they don’t make a cage that can contain them.
That was the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time. Thanks for the link.
I got through page 2. I’ll have to pace myself and read them throughout the day. This is just one of my favorites (so far):
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
Chuck Norris in ’08!!
As much as people love Jack Bauer, I’d have to point to JRP (the commenter above) that Norris would whup Jack’s ass.
Does Jack Bauer have a website titled Jack Bauer Facts? Oh shit! He does!
http://www.jackbauerfacts.com.
Wow. Well shoot me in the head and call me dead.
I’d still vote for Norris. Horses are hung like Norris after all. Horses. They have huge…
On page two or three is says,
“Chuck Norris can touch M.C. Hammer”
Awesome!
I went to that site immediately BEFORE coming to IMAO. WTF, guys? Malformed minds think alike or something?
I was just thinking about linking to that.
I read them aloud to my fellow cube villagers. Some gems, some meh.
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a “Who has more testicles?” contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
that’s just wrong. funny… but wrong.
Chuck Norris is all over the place these past few days. What’s with that?
Hmm, these sound suspiciously like the Vin Diesel facts… I wonder which came first.
http://www.4q.cc/vin/index.php
Hey, they’ve linked to Chuck Norris t-shirts there.
JRP, the ultimate cage match is between Chuck Norris and Vin Diesel.
Who would win in a fight between Aquaman and Chuck Noris? Well, not matter how much distance separated Chuck Noris and Aquaman, Chuck Noris would blink and Aquaman would cease to exist. Then, Chuck Noris would Roundhouse Kick you in the face for asking stupid questions.
Ouch. Laughing too hard!
“Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.” LOL!!!
“Chuck Norris doesn’t kill two birds with one stone. He kills ALL the birds with two stones. In his pants.”
If only Bruce Lee were still alive…
There has to be a God, or there would be nothing left.
I converted dozens of the Chuck Norris rules to a random fortune file that displays on my website.
So every viewer gets Chuck Norris Loving!
I heard one that I didn’t see on the site.
When Chuck Norris was young, he lost a testicle in a fight. You know it as Saturn.