It’s looking like this whole filibuster that John Kerry is proposing is doomed to fail… and he knows it. Right now, he’s excited the KosKids and DUmmies so much they’re ready to have his children, but this temporary burst of support for Kerry comes at the price of making the Democrat leadership look (more) impotent when the cloture vote happens on Monday.
What a team player.
So, what do I get out of it? A letter from John Kerry to fisk!

Dear Frank,

That’s me!

Yesterday, Senator Ted Kennedy and I told our colleagues that we supported a filibuster of Judge Alito’s nomination for the Supreme Court.

It’s cute when Kennedy makes primitive attempts at speech.

And we weren’t alone. But the bottom line is that it takes more than two or three people to filibuster successfully.

Even if one of them has the mass of eight?

It’s not “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington.”

It’s not even Dude, Where’s My Car?

If you want to stop Judge Alito from becoming Justice Alito, use your own email list and organize.

Can I forward the latest humorous e-mail at the same time, or would that detract from the message?
Wait, this is the latest humorous e-mail I’ve gotten…

We can’t just preach to our own choir.

I wouldn’t exactly call the screeching howler monkeys this is targeted at a “choir.”

We need to prove to everyone – from our friends and neighbors to our fellow Senators – that the American people know Judge Alito will take our country in the wrong direction, and they expect something to be done about it.

How are we supposed to dupe that many people by Monday? I got in big trouble last time I put LSD in the water supply.

So I’m asking you to join Senator Kennedy, me, and concerned citizens across America who are signing this petition to support a filibuster.

Because there is nothing this country needs more than to hear you and Ted Kennedy drone on endlessly.
Actually, I hear that, every time Ted Kennedy gets on national television, a Republican is elected.

If there was ever a time to forward an email on to friends and family, this is it.

Yeah, I’ll send this to my dad right away. He always got a chuckle out of how you accused him and his fellow soldiers of being like “Jenjis” Khan.

One way or another, we’re going to find out in the next few days if Judge Alito is going to become Justice Alito.

With bated breath.

You know where I stand.

For the moment–

The time to make your voice heard is now.

That’s why I like having a blog.
Hi, readers!

So please sign this filibuster petition and get as many friends as you can to do the same.
Sign the filibuster petition

Because nothing affects political fortunes like an internet petition. Actually, is there anything more useless than an internet petition? Like how DU spends all that effort to win at internet polls?
No, I think this is still more useless. Nonetheless, it make the numbnuts feel like they’re doing something.

If Judge Alito gets on the Supreme Court, it will be an incredible mistake for America.

But mistakes help us learn! Don’t you want us to learn?

And remember, this is one mistake that we can never take back.

There is always assassination of Supreme Court Justices.
Hey! There is always assassination of Supreme Court Justices!

I voted against Justice Roberts, but I feel even more strongly about Judge Alito.

So you should extra vote against this one!

Why?

I’m guessing political ambitions.

Rather than live up to the promise of “equal justice under the law,” he has consistently made it harder for the most disadvantaged Americans to have their day in court.

By being a judge? Doesn’t that put himself out of work?

He routinely defers to excessive government power no matter how much government abuses that power.

I’m sorry, but I just don’t buy the argument that hitting a hippy protester in the groin with a nightstick is abuse of power.

And, to this date, his only statement on record regarding a woman’s right to privacy is that she doesn’t have one.

Is “right to privacy” the new code phrase for abortion, because I’m having trouble keeping up? BTW, what about my “right to privacy”? When do I get to have abortions?

There isn’t a shred of doubt in my opposition to Judge Alito’s nomination.

And yet I bet you’ll still find a reason to flip-flop.

I spent a lot of time over the last few years thinking about what kind of person deserves to sit on the highest court in the land, so I don’t hesitate a minute in saying that Judge Alito is not that person.

That would be kind of funny if someone asked you, “Is Judge Alito the kind of person deserves to sit on the highest court in the land?” and you just stood there a minute silent, as you hesitated.
It would be like the 2004 debates all over again!

His entire legal career shows that, if confirmed, he will take America backward.

Like Superman when he wasn’t able to stop those missiles in time?

People can say all they want that “elections have consequences.”

And red, white, and blue balloons.

Trust me, I understand.

OT, the new Superman movie will come out this summer. That should be cool!
You should have a petition about that.

But that doesn’t mean we have to stay silent about Judge Alito’s nomination.

Elections sure haven’t silenced Al Gore, but, if they did, we’d miss the hilarity.
Speak away, Frenchie!

Sign the filibuster petition

I’m sorry, but even Seymour Butts find this one too useless to participate in.

President Bush had the opportunity to nominate someone who would unite the country in a time of extreme division.

Who? A magical sorcerer? Someone with the power to hypnotize the entire country?

He chose not to do this, and that is his right.

He chose not to nominate someone who would unite the entire country same as he chose not to flap his arms and fly.

But we have every right — in fact, we have a responsibility — to fight against a radical ideological shift on the Supreme Court.

Yeah, gotta stop that radical ideology of consulting the Constitution on Constitutional decisions.

This nomination was a sellout to the demands of the extreme right wing of the Republican Party.

Yay! Score one for me!

The president gave no thought to what the American people really wanted – or needed.

Are you saying I’m not people now? Is this because I’m part Italian?
Why do you hate wops, Senator?

So now that the president and Judge Alito have proven they won’t stand up for the majority of Americans, we have to stand up.

You guys don’t even stand up to pee.

We have to speak out.

Speaking out is about all you guys do now.

That’s the true meaning of “advice and consent.”

We’ll have to redefine it to “Shut yer pie-hole!”

Sincerely,

Oh, yeah, sure; now you’re sincere.

John Kerry

…the haughty, French-looking Massachusetts Democrat, who, by the way, served in Vietnam.
Say hi to Justice Alito for me Tuesday!