What if your livelihood was based on you winning races, but you always had the same opponent: a half-crippled man who could barely see straight as was always stumbling into walls. Also, he drools. How much would you train and condition yourself to make sure you won those races when it took so little effort to win them because how awful your opponent was? You probably wouldn’t train at all. Instead, you’d get lazy… maybe even come to the races coked out of your mind (and still win).
This is the problem with the Republicans. To stay in power, they just have to be better than the train wreck that is the Democrats – impotent idiots who still seem to be stuck in a downward spiral. With the bar so low, what’s to keep the Republicans from being lazy and corrupt? They know any threat to vote for Democrats instead is just that: a threat. Who would be so stupid as to actually vote for one of those incompetent boobs? Right now, their main area of attack is criticizing Bush for surveillance on terrorists; they’re acting like the guy in the Dirty Harry movies who yells at Detective Callahan for bending the rules… even though he’s just trying to save people’s lives. Everyone always boos that character when he’s on screen.
Thus, the only way to improve the Republican Party is to first shake the Democratic Party to its senses. I think the best way to do that is have the Democrats sit down and have a long talk with the KosKids, the people who keep trying to drive them off a cliff as they head towards crazyville (like this lame attempt at a filibuster).
DEMOCRATS: KosKids, we need to talk.
KOSKIDS: Is it about how you are finally going after Bushitler for letting the 9/11 attacks happen and murdering Paul Wellstone?
DEMOCRATS: Let’s rephrase that: We Democrats in the leadership need to talk, but you guys need to shut up because you’re crazy loons.
KOSKIDS: But Bush is a fascist who…
DEMOCRATS: And you guys are stupid.
KOSKIDS: …and everything is about oil and Halliburton and…
DEMOCRATS: And you guys smell. You people have to come to grips with that Bush does not want to silence you people because, every time you guys get heard, the Republicans win votes. Also, the government doesn’t care to spy on you because no one in the world cares to know anything about you people.
KOSKIDS: But everything is becoming a police state and…
DEMOCRATS: We need you people to shut up; find some other hobby then being paranoid about politics. If all you members of MoveOn.org moved on to jobs in the service sector, that would be great.
KOSKIDS: But we need to fight and…
DEMOCRATS: Here’s a big bag of Skittles and a paddle ball game. Why don’t you eat some Skittles and put your energy into this paddle ball game while we try to regain some power.
KOSKIDS: But Alito is soon going to be a Justice and then he’ll…
DEMOCRATS: I don’t hear paddling.
So, readers, what are your ideas to save the Democratic Party?
Should the Dems be saved? We’d make more progress towards smaller government if the two major parties were the Republicans and the Libertarians.
Dan, We need to remind the ranking Republicans what ‘small government’ means for that to be true.
To save the democrats we should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity.
We are already trying to stop them from killing their young, what more do we need to do?
Term limitations, enforced standards of conduct to include mandatory attendance, drug tests, same pay scale as all other civil servants, i.e., the military. This needs to be implemented on both sides of the aisle. They should not be allowed to vote on any bills which benefit them, i.e., pay raises, benefits packages. Ban lobbying groups and make it illegal for anyone whose salary is being paid with tax dollars to accept anything, no matter how much or little its worth, from a private interest group. Make it mandatory that they hold town hall meetings so they have to address their constituency face to face regularly for a fun question and answer period. No more hiding in the “ivory tower”. Get them out and meet the people who pay for their fat asses to sit on the hill. Bottom line; hold them accountable for their actions or as the case may be their inaction. And, if they commit treasons acts, through either speech or action, nail their f***ing asses to the floor. Are you listening rockefeller, skerry, murtha?. No more sweeping it under the carpet.
I hereby vote for Theresa for Supreme Court Chief Justice !!!
Pete
Thanks but, my background couldn’t take the scrutiny!!! 🙂
Theresa, with some highly advanced Republican computer ninjas and enough information, we could change that…
I say, we replace them with The Washington Generals. Their winning streak is fairly impressive against the Dems record.
More importantly, the Generals make people laugh on purpose and almost never side with genocidal dictators.
Frank,
Your point about the loony D’s leading to lazy R’s is well taken. I’m a bit concerned that an irrelevant Democrat party will lead to not simply lazy R’s, but to lazy, corrupt, and powerful R’s. Balance is good in all areas of life–politics especially.
However, sometimes things work out unexpectedly. In 2000, I was faced with a candidate who played second fiddle to a completely dishonest man (and his wife), and (someone I then viewed as) a frat-boy living off his father’s very meager coattails. It was “No-Controlling-Legal-Authority” vs “What, Me? Gravitas?” So I voted my conscience with the unelectable Harry Browne.
So, when 9/11 happened, the whole world changed–including my opinion of Bush. I’ve had many, many disagreements with his domestic policies, but on foreign matters, he completely surprised me by becoming a complete master. We’re watching the Churchill of our times. [Coincidentally, Harry Browne and the Libertarian Party have taken the absolute wrong position on the War too.]
My advice to the D’s really amounts to doing what they’re doing–failing. Not that I like the idea of an irrelevant Democrat Party allowing the R’s to become all-powerful. But rather that, by failing so spectacularly, they create a vacuum which someone will eventually fill. Just as Perot’s Reform Party forced the (minimal, and temporary) reform in the Republican’s ’94 Contract with America, someone (Lieberman, Zell Miller?) will step up and force some sense in the lefty/liberal side of our political spectrum.
Screw the Dems. Switch to Libertarians. I think a lot of Americans are more like Libertarians than Dems anyway, they just fear “third” parties.
It’s not that they fear the “third” parties…they’ve just never been advanced beyond fringe elements.
And I second the nomination of Theresa to the SCOTUS.
Just a lowly USAF SSgt (still active)
Your footrace analogy doesn’t quite hold. Even if the Democratic Party is not in the running, every Republican incumbent still has to face the threat of a primary challenge by other Republicans.
I like Theresa. Especially the holding accountable and trying for treason the treasonous morons.
SilverBubble
It would take more than that to “fix” my background. 🙂
Chuck
There are NO lowly SSgt’s. There are shitty ones, but no lowly ones. Thanks for serving.
bikermommy
I say hang em high when they play the treason game!!!! 🙂
I think that all political speeches should be given while standing in front of the cat cages at the local animal shelter after rubbing tuna all over the speaker’s body. It would prevent the listeners from taking seriously the bloviations of someone telling them that their money would be better spent by someone in a faraway city.
Get the Dems to propose a platform that;
1. Builds an electrified security wall on our southern border.
2. Get the Dems to promote oil drilling in ANWR, California, Florida, etc.
3. Get the Dems to cut spending and lower taxes.
4. Get the Dems to support the overturning of Roe v Wade.
5. Get the Dems to send Howard Dean as a money raiser for al Quida.
6. Get the Dems to deport Michael Moore, Algore, Jimmy Carter and Cindy Sheehan to Cuba.
7. Get te Dems to support judges who do not invent rights that are not in the constitution.
Somehow I don’t think this is going to work.
Off by one letter, JoshG
To save the democrats we should invade their counties, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity.
Hmmm, how to fix the Democrats? I’m getting an image of “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest,” Randle McMurphy AFTER electroshock treatment and puppet strings. No, wait, we’ve already got Ted Kennedy.
“We had to destroy the Democrats to save them.”
Two-for-one coupons on Snickers bars for anybody who admits to voting Democrat. I’d think of changing my vote for enough of those. Then again, I was born in Cook County.
They can’t be saved. Flush ’em and groom a replacement party. Now I’m going to attempt to sound wise without actually being an oncologist.
First, an angiogenesis inhibitor. Stop holding debates with Democrats. Meet everyone else– Libertarians, Constitution, even Greens and Communists, in no-holds-barred debates.
Second, cut out the tumor. Punish anyone stupid enough to have helped rig the campaign finance laws so the little guys have a whelk’s chance in a supernova of dislodging the International Socialist American Non-Worker’s Party.
Third, some good hard chemotherapy. Keep the cancer in remission by educating the kids about what freedom is and isn’t. Focus on the large cities, since that’s where the population is actually dense enough for people to get away with not actually working and breed idiots unto the fifth generation. Start independent child care/tutoring type stuff in the inner cities. Also, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to start some kind of semi-secret order of vigilante ninja paladin samurai(ahem, “volunteer security consultants”) to go into high-crime areas, and be inspiring role models to the children. Children listen to people with a demonstrable ability to kick tukhus–that is a scientific fact.
Dust off and nuke them from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.
OK, OK, computer ninjas and sniper ninjas. And arsonists. They don’t require a lot of pay, just permission to watch the pretty flames.
Egad I wish our leadership WOULD do something like that. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. While Republicans are (at least publically) dismissing their nuts (like pat robertson) loudly we keep hanging on to known liars and idiots as if they are our saviors. Moronic policy and the reason I started my blog, as you may recall. (At least I’m not forgetting to mention it on the air…)
I think a good start would be to give them all White flags, a bottle of Cheep French wine and a one-way ticket to a Liberal/Democratic/Communist Party.
-LOL- Call it the, Just This Minute, Reformed Again Party!
All you have to do is get on board with your tail between your legs. We’ll tell them Jane Fonda and Kerry wanted to invite them to a private ceremony. Call it a Unity Party or is the Unick Party. -No Balls Allowed- That should get one BIG IDIOT to go and the rest will follow like lemmings TO FRANCE! Lock em’ up and throw away the key; cause we don’t import from France so if that’s what they want, that’s where it is.
…just my opinion…
By the way; Theresa I agree; Hang them out to dry for treason…They don’t belong on our soil anymore, they can go with their new brotheran the frenchies…