It’s almost 9, and I’m just now starting.
They’re going through all the big stars that came out of Idol heretofore, and I’m with them until they make me laugh with Kellie Pickler. She’s a household name, alright. I have a CD clock with her face on it, even!
So first they went to Minneapolis, and Jewel is a guest judge on the panel. And the first girl they showcase is a crier. Jessica Rhode. Jewel is very gracious for as long as she can stand it. It was not so good. Ok, it was actually in tune, there was actually a melody on key, but the tone quality of her voice was just… bad. And the contestants need to know by now that they should not sing an artist’s own song in front of the artist. Ever. “I’m not gonna stop.” Please do. She was cute, though.
So… did Cadet Happy go down and audition when they had the Minneapolis auditions? I know he’s twice the age limit, but maybe he could fake it.
Troy Benham is the Amish joke singing some song about spit dripping in someone’s face.
The next Carrie Underwood? No, but maybe that girl they rejected could be the next Kellie Pickler!
Jesse Holloway. I know someone with that name. Anyway, oh. My goodness, he’s singing the Titanic song. Badly. Airily. And he’s asked for a water break two lines in. And it is not better when he comes back. Even Paula rubs her temples. Frank says she’s trying to get her brain to work.
Charles Moody from Brooklyn. Ok, he came in dressed as Apollo Creed singing opera but actually has a voice? I don’t know. I think he could sing, but the judges were too confused by him.
Denise Jackson. Wow, ok, she was born as a crack baby, and she’s all quiet, so I just have a feeling something big is going to come out of that little bitty body. She’s adorable. Yes. She has a great, BIG voice, great attitude. Put her through. Frank said, “Maybe the mikes just couldn’t handle her voice, but that wasn’t very good at all.” I turned and said, “What were you listening to?” and made him listen again. He thinks maybe she also chose a bad song. He didn’t change his mind.
Tashawn Moore. Where do I apply to be a guest judge? I would have too much fun with that.
Perla Meneses. “Do you like Spanish girls, Ryan?” Um, I believe the question is, “Do you like girls, Ryan?” You know, at the beginning I thought maybe her voice wasn’t terrible, but it was so =affected= that it was offputting. I just kept wrinkling my forehead. The second song was good, though. I good do with much less of the hip jiggles, but that’s what would make me a terrible judge. I’m fine with her going through to Hollywood, but I don’t think she’ll last very long.
Matthew Volna. Oh dear. Throw him in Folsom Prison.
Jarrod Fowler from the USS Ronald Reagan. Sweet. I hope he’s awesome because I totally wanna root for him! That’s awesome, they had Reagan Idol on the USS Ronal Reagan. Ok, lose the arm movements, or at least tone them down, and you’re totally in. And I agree with Randy about the turns. Don’t do so many turns. See you in Hollywood.
They should get a sign for the left door that points to the right door. They keep having to say, “Other door,” as the contestants are exiting.
Stephen Horst. I’m hopeful when there’s a pitch-pipe. But oh my. And did he have to do that one note? It really made my small intestine jump. Maybe it contained gluten. Ugh. That was bad.
Michelle Steingas. Country girl. A little pitchy in one spot, but I like her personality. She’s in.
Dayna Dooley with the world’s greatest boss. I really wanted this to be good, and it was not, and that made me sad. Rowdi didn’t like it either. Oh, now the judges are just being ugly to her and dragging the boss in and telling him that she’s tone deaf. And when she sings to him (yes, TO him, and that’s a little weird), it’s much better, and maybe they should let her sing a third song. But they don’t, and she’s out.
Matt Sato. I don’t know what to think about this one. He sounds good. He has a quirky look, I thought he was going to be awful from hearing him talk, and he was good. And he made it! Oh, and he’s crying to his mama, and people will be talking about this one the same way they talk about Clay… you know. Y’all leave the poor kid alone. I won’t be talking like that, I’m just saying that other people will.
Rachel Jenkins. Her husband is in Iraq, she’s in the National Guard. She started out great, but then she changed keys about three times. I’m surprised, but they’re putting her through. Especially after the look on Randy’s face when she finished singing.
Sarah Krueger. Very pretty. She’s singing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” and I would like to not hear anyone else sing this in the whole season. Katharine McPheevered it till it was done, and this girl did it pretty much note for note the same. At least do your own version, ok? But anyway, her voice is very nice. I think she’ll be great. I like her.
Jason Anderson. Okay, I think we’ve discovered Simon’s official facial expression of Season Six. Or at least Minneapolis. The Blank Stare. Well, the juggling was good. Oh, your poor mother is so embarrassed. By your behavior afterward.
Brenna Kyner. I’m totally out on her because Ace is her all-time favorite contestant. And she said, “And it’s like…” like four hundred times, and like, that was, like, distracting.
Josh Blum. “Bad Day” by Fuel. Pretty effected. So they’re telling him to come back in fifteen minutes with an Abba song. Oh dear. He comes back with “Dancing Queen,” and Simon is almost giddy. It’s the same raspy, effected voice. On “Dancing Queen”! Have to adapt.
Tomorrow night is Seattle.
Looks like they had to bring Jewel in to distract us from Paula. What the hell is she drinking anyways?
I think Simon’s a closet conservative 🙂
he led the way to putting the 2 military peeps in, even though they were fairly average. that said, that puts them in the top 1% of this group. ouch, that was painful.
and I completely agree with Frank on Denise. she has a powerful voice, but absolutely no control. maybe if she didn’t shout everything, but based on what we saw, I’dda said no.
and while I thought Dancing Queen boy was pretty awful, I thought his quick rendition of Dancing Queen itself was surprisingly good. didn’t think crying boy was very good. and I agree they should have had Dayna sing a 3rd song.
as always though, I think the judges pimp some really mediocre stiffs and bypass some that could be decent with some work. I don’t know why I’m watching this garbage.
and was Michelle the one with gaps between all her teeth? didn’t care for her. closing her mouth would have solved both problems.
oh, and were they actually hinting that Seattle was WORSE than Minneapolis?!?! I am officially NOT watching tomorrow.
I am also saddened that you didn’t mention Chewbaca/Cowardly Lion girl ;(
As someone who writes and sings their own songs, I must protest the retardedness of this overblown karaoke contest…and admit to a fair amount of jealousy that these bozos get record deals while I toil away in obscurity. Oh well, it could be worse. I could be Paula Abdul’s liver. :o)
Paula appears to be hammered in this TV interview video as she claims Seattle had the worst ever auditions.
YAY for my state!
Wow, after almost a year & you STILL have a mad-on for Pickler! I hope I never have to sing anything within 50 miles of you…
Did anyone catch a glimpse of Paula attempting an interview on that morning show via remote location? I don’t recall where the show aired from; I just remember seeing her trying to answer their questions & failing miserably to do so. And you thought she was a lush before.
Now you gotta wonder just how many of those really bad acts were:
A)Put up to it by their friends, or did it as a stunt
B)Lost a bet
C)Were seeded by FOX to add hijinx
D)Really think that they are just that good
E)Had signs that said, “Will degrade self for food or .15 minutes of fame.
I love how they spend more time on the antics afterward than on the singing itself. Seattle looks like a possible freak show based on the unfortunate few they previewed. Mebbe I should squeeze into my uniform and belt out the “Battle hymn of the republic” The Sailor boy showed promise but I thought the reservist chic was marginal. I vote that we get SaraK to audition and sing :These Boots were Made for Walking” while brandishing a pair of .45s.
I refuse to watch this show because I just don’t think there is any entertainment in debasing people.
I’ve had an ongoing debate with my brother, because he says that, by now, everyone who goes on this show knows what they are getting themselves into, but I tend to disagree.
People have a remarkable talent for self-delusion. Friends and family tend to make this delusion more severe by “being supportive.” They either are as tone deaf as the contestants, or they can’t bring themselves to hurt their loved ones feelings. (Sometimes, a little pain today can save intense pain and humilitation tomorrow.)
So, what we have is not a lot of horrible singers who know they are horrible and expect to get mistreated by Simon Cowell and his cronies. What we have is a lot of ernest men and women who truly believe, “while there are many bad competitors in this show, I’m not one of them. My friends and family tell me that I am really good.”
OK, So that’s usually a little white lie given to spare their feelings, they want to believe it and they do. I’m sure friends think, “She’s not that bad, she won’t end up on TV.” Still, many do end up on TV and they are humiliated.
There is something fundamentally wrong with a world where we gain pleasure from others’ humiliation. Schadenfruede be darned, let’s show some respect for others and stop giving this awful abuse of people the boot it deserves.
Screw ’em! If they looked in a damn mirror or recorded their voices on the most primitive equipment they’d know what they are in for. Stop being such a pussy Keith, These clowns deserve it and more.
Yes Keith. Charity compels us not to watch the complete and udder humiliation these poor unfortunate and deluded people are put through by being forced in line to audition for this horrible theatre of the forlorn and pitiful. But really, that clown with the juggling sticks was a fool, admit it.
Did you notice that every single decision was unanimous? Everyone who got booted was 0 for 4. Everyone who got in was 4 for 4. Is that the way it always is? Granted the ones who didn’t make it were awful enough to get no votes, but I was surprised they couldn’t come up with even one candidate that one or two judges liked, and the others did not. Maybe they’ve been judging together for too long, and need to get rid of one (i.e. Paula, who quite frankly lacks any discernable talent herself, and brought absolutely nothing to the show last night).
What is the deal with the “men”? I’ve never seen so many blubbery, teary, pansies in my life. Reach down and grab your crotch and check that you’ve got a set for Pete’s sake. The feminization of America is rapidly approaching completion it appears.
Can somebody please explain to me why Jewel will be hosting the new Nashville Star? I mean Cowboy Troy at least looks country. Why a non country singer host?
Slapout, I kind of figured that she was chosen for Nashville Star because I guess there is some loose relationship to country music due to her long-time relationship to former Rodeo star Ty Murry. Just my guess.
As for the show, I hope this was a test to see how audiences would respond to Jewel as a possible replacement for that talentless hack next to her who was a one-hit wonder with a minor hit. I don’t get how Paula ever got on the show. I assume it was by sleeping with someone.
Lastly, I have a theory about all of these morons who seem to be the only ones who don’t know they can’t carry a tune with a bucket. I think it’s related those parents who never discipline their children and take their side against the school teacher who tells the parent that the child is misbehaving. These are the same parents who also came up with the soccer leagues where they don’t keep score. That’s fine when they’re 4 but at 24, someone needs to stop telling these people how great their voice is and direct them toward other interests.
Parenting isn’t as hard as most people have been led to believe and part of that job is to gently guide your child away from areas that aren’t cut out for them without ruining their self-esteem.
The “over the rainbow” girl gets my vote (tho I don’t vote in idol contests cept for pres. and junk) and it’s not just because she is cute. I was perfectly able to listen while my eyes roamed.
Sarahk, it is affected, not effected.
Sorry, but if your going to hate on people’s voices, you can at least be grammatically correct about it.
Jen, you are correct. Dangit, I hate being corrected by someone who doesn’t know the difference between your and you’re.
I will change that. Thanks for catching that. I don’t have time for proofreading, so I rely on my wonderful readers to catch my rare grammatical errors.
Haha…touche.
I never proofread anything either. It’s for pansies.
I used to read IMAO all the time, and then I took a break. And I must say, I don’t think there is a single AI contestant I’ve ever agreed with you about, which is ironic, seeing as how I usually agree with the things you post about.
My longtime AI favorite remains to be Constantine Maroulis, my favorite last season was Ace Young.
Gotta love those longhaired crooners. =)