Dear Yasser,
Well, my plans to go home have been delayed.
I’m just waiting for some of my friends from the Congo to wipe out the members of my extended family who have threatened me with castration for not including them in Oil For Food deals.
Until that’s settled, I think I’m going to stay here in the City That Never Sleeps.
Or should I say, The City That Stinks.
Okay, so I’m sorry for making the city smell like Natural Gas leaks, but it’s really a Supernatural Gas leak.
In my retirement, I’ve decided to dust off the shrunken heads and spellbooks, taking up where I left off in my Witch Doctor studies.
I’d have been a great witch doctor, but my teachers decided I should take my spellcraft to the next level of theatrical quack medicine and into the arcane arts of global diplomacy.
Anyway, I thought I’d work up a zombie potion to revive you, but I ended up mixing failure after failure.
Flushing them all down the porcelain-and-gold toilet in my condo, I figured no harm, right?
Wrong. All of the spells were mixed in the sewers overnight, and a horrible stench rose through the streets of Manhattan.
What pisses me off about this is that there’s absolutely no sign of the dead rising… I know I’ve buried plenty of bodies in Central Park, and I’ve seen none of them shambling about from the view of my condo’s wrap-around patio overlooking the park.
Oh well. I’ll just call the supply shop and order more spell components. I’ve also got to call the escort service and demand clean hookers to use as vessels in which to brew my concoctions.
It’s so hard to get quality ingredients these days.
Love,
Kofi
This may be Kofi’s bad mistake ever…
Congrats Kofi!
Now with Kofi busy trying to make potions to kill only Jews and Americans, maybe we can get on with our manifest destiny: Nuke the moon.
This may be Kofi’s least bad mistake ever…
Congrats Kofi!
Now with Kofi busy trying to make potions to kill only Jews and Americans, maybe we can get on with our manifest destiny: Nuke the moon.
Nice to see your muse is back, Frank. Hilarious stuff today! For a while there I thought you were punching the monkey a bit too much. Punching the liberals in their monkey faces, that is. Baiting the PC crowd can be amusing, but gets pretty poisonous after a time.
That’s “muse” not mousse or moose.
I’m his Jew, not his Muse.
Sorry Laurence. I should have second checked the byline.
Franks Muse is on the loose!
That stench is just the smell of the men’s room in the PLO mission, where Kofi sits dejectedly with his empty tip cup (most Palestinians are content to piss in their pants).
Note to PLO: A few toiletries wouldn’t hurt!
//I’ll just call the supply shop and order more spell components.//
Can’t he just borrow some from Hitlery, doesn’t she live in New York somewhere? Even if her evil lair is out in the burbs, I’m certain she’d be able to zoom over on her broom or do translocation spell to help Kofi out, after all what kind of evil coven does she belong to that she couldn’t help a fellow satanist out?
shimauma,
I don’t think Coffee Cup barrowed zombie powder from Hitlery, I think he used zombie powder ON Hitlery! My guess is that Nancy Pelosi and Cindy Sh++head have had a pinch of it as well.
Dear Yasser,
Oh, fishy fishy!
It was such a good fish,
and I followed it wherever it did go!
Oh, fishy, fishy,
Wherever did it go?
Could it be in my desk drawer?
Is it behind your picture?
Oh, fishy, fishy!
Your loyal bi**h,
Coffie Cup.
P.S. If I cut up a pillow case and put it on my head, can I become a liberal media icon, or should I snuggle up to Sharpton and spread propaganda against the Joooos?