I saw this on Gizmodo:
That’s right. LEGO snack treats. Because nothing says love like teaching your kids the fuzzy, choking hazard barrier between food and fun.
According to the product page:
Kosher Status
Not Certified
Folks, it doesn’t take a rabbi to tell you that these things ain’t Kosher.
This got me to thinking about Dangerous Snacks For Kids, teaching them to stick various hazardous objects into their mouths, and the first thing to come to mind was “Light Socket Lollipops.”
Anybody out there as sick as me willing to give this challenge a shot? The comments are open.
Gummy Push Pins
Lawn darts, gummy worms, and black licorice are cruel existing child commodities. How about edible tin foil, Kitchen cleaner snak pack, over sized microwave replicas for children to play in and FrankJ books for kids.
I’m for starting a new line of chocolate and peanut butter treats shaped like dog turds.
We’ll call them: “Reese’s Feces”
Liquid Plumber brand fruit juice (no need to refrigerate; you can even store it under the sink)
“Cherry” bombs that actually taste like cherries! It’d be a million laffs!
Frosted Mini-Cleets
Honey Bunches of Bolts
Chocolate covered cherry bombs
How about a variation on V-8?
‘STRYCH-9’, The Beverage That’ll Really Kill Your Thirst!
How about PEZ dispensers shaped like full scale 9mm pistols?
Lil’ teeny tiny suicide vests with pouches filled with taffy shaped like blocks of Semtex.
“Spring Surprise” and “Crunchy Frog” leap to mind.
Spun-sugar glassware. Drink up fast! Too big to easily fit in the mouth, so smack it against the side of the table first.
They also make a Lego version of Eggos — my 3 year old loves them.
//Lil’ teeny tiny suicide vests with pouches filled with taffy shaped like blocks of Semtex.
Posted by FormerHostage at February 14, 2007 01:56 PM//
Lol!!! You could market them as Dora the Exploder!
Crystal sugar in the shape of light bulbs–break and eat.
You know those little packs in the packaging when you buy new stuff. The ones with “DO NOT EAT” printed on them?
Along with those, put small packs of PopRocks in the boxes but print “EAT ME” on them (in Chinese)
Alan,
“Dora the Exploder?!?!?”
Que loco!
Super Glue Lip Gloss
Lice Krispies
Kellogg’s Razor Bran
Hefty disposable Suffocatin’ Sac
Pre-tied licorice nooses
Actually, a few years ago, turd-shaped chocolates were a big seller in Europe. Figures.
I politely ask all of you commenting on this thread to get back to work, I am paying you to develop new product not sit and chat all day.
Those of you who don’t work for Mainway Industries, please forward me a copy of your resume. I may have a position for you in the product development division.
Sincerely,
Irwin Mainway
Mainway Industries
(obscure?)
A far sturdier bough of satire, Simon.
Okay, let’s see, what do we got? How about Relay Race Scissors?
Kids! Play Doctor with Happy Fun Electrical Outlet Tongue Depressors!
Make delicious and healthy beverages with the Briggs & Stratton Fruit Smoothie Lawnmower Blender!
Develop valuable indoor track skills with the 400 meter relay baton sissors!
Delight your friends with New Blue Mouth Tidy Bowl Breath Freshner.
Tylenol brand red-and-white hard candies – they come in a cool little cylindrical container with a pop-off lid (twist-off version also available).
Mr. Yuk brand juice drink.
Jim Jones brand kool-aid (at least it’s a lot better for society than Liberal brand kool-aid!)
Toster bath toys.
Bambo shard cookies.
10 guage steel bb gun targets.
Shotgun shell romp-a-stompers.
Lawn edger sit&spin.
Oh, and Alan…the vest would go better as an accesory with Di$ney “Al Quida Aladan and Jihad Jasmine” dolls.
“Lawn darts”
Oh, man, the memories. I had some of these (I think they were called Jarts) when I was 10 and my brother was 7. We would hurl those things at each other from about 15-20 yards away and have to dive out of the way at the last second lest we be impaled with a 16 inch semi-guided missile with a 9 inch rusty prison shank on the end.
Other toys? Other than Mr. Mainway, does anyone remember Dan Aykroyd and “Bag of Glass” on SNL back when it was still a funny show?
I remember the Dan Akroyd character. My favorite was the invisible pedestrian. a black sheet to be worn at night. Maybe that was Gary Larson, Oh well.
To all those suggesting anything that has do do with scissors and running: I did this when I was three, I don’t remember if it was fun at the time, but it but the big black scar on my left eye is a great conversation starter.
You may think I’m kidding, but I’m not. I really did run with scissors, fall, and poke them into my eye.
Dora the Exploder!!! LOL that is so horrible but hilarious.
My boys would actually like these! Come on, whose boys wouldn’t actually like to have legos that their mom DOESN’T take out of their mouths? 🙂
How about candy cigarettes, or a gum shredded and packaged in a pouch like chewing tobacco? Oh, wait…
My favorite part about the lawn darts was when some klutz would hold onto one too long and end up throwing it way up in the air. “Everybody, cover your head and run for your life” Almost as fun as bottle rocket and fire cracker wars. By the way, if in a bottle rocket fight, (Not Advised) don’t carry around the box with all the fireworks.
Hey, don’t make fun of Lego candy, with toast, juice and milk they provide all the vitamins and nutrients of juice, milk,toast and sugar.
How about Roach Motel raisin boxes?
Or Benjamin Moore candy-apple coating in the large, round, tin can?
I’m a little surprised I’m the first with:
Jagged metal Krusty-O in a box of Krusty-Os?
And don’t forget Happy Fun Ball!
DO NOT TAUNT HAPPY FUN BALL
Something like the fun dip candy, where you lick your finger and stick it into the pouch of sugar, except make it in the shape of a wall power outlet. Just stick your finger into the outlet for sugary goodness!