This is the part of the blog where I write about my day for those interested.
After I finished my inane blogging for the day (or “speaking lies to weakness” as I call it), I went to Stark Tower to see if my old college roommate knew anything about Doctor Doom’s plans.
“Wow, nice office.” He took up the entire top floor and his office decoration had that “I paid good money to have someone decorate this for me” look.
“Not to be rude, but I’m really busy. So, what’s up, Frank?” Tony Stark looked stressed to the breaking point.
“Doctor Doom… Muslim terrorist… Nuclear power plant… Monkeys… Any of that ringing a bell?”
“Honestly, I don’t care about Doctor Doom’s plans unless he’s working on a competing contract for the Department of Defense. You think he’s up to something?”
“Something involving me, Tony! I have contracts of my own to work on, and it’s quite hard with there being some crazed supervillian possibly after me!”
Tony tried to clean up the papers scattered on his desk. “I heard the Justice League was getting in the way of whatever you’re working on.”
“More like the ‘Gay Homo League’!” I retorted. I then thought that was kind of lame and I could do better. “I mean the… um… Stupid League… Okay, I got nothing. Anyway, that’s taken care of.”
“Be careful, Frank. The Justice League is slow to action, but if they come after you, that’s trouble I don’t want any part of.”
I laughed. “Slow to action? When was your last superheroics?”
“Hey, I act when needed, but flying around in battle armor fighting evil is hard to justify to the Stark Industry stockholders.”
I looked out the window behind him to his magnificent view of the bay. “Is that a giant mutant squid attacking that boat?”
Tony turned to look. He began to get up, but then thought better of it. “Eh… I have a lot of forms to fill out; you know how government contracts are. Plus, that’s really more of a job for Aquaman, and he doesn’t get that many opportunities.”
I smiled. “No one has seen Aquaman for about a week.”
Tony sighed. “I remember back in my college days I always said, ‘One of these days, Frank is going to kill Aquaman.'” He thought for a moment. “Or was it Namor?”
“Never had a beef with Namor.” Out the window I could see the red and blue of Spider-Man staring out over the water at the squid and not looking sure of what to do.
“So did you really cause Aquaman to snap in Arizona?”
I sighed. “You said you were busy; why don’t I let you get to work and you can tell me later if you hear anything on Victor von Doom.”
“I’ll ask the Avengers if they know anything.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, I’m sure the Fabio looking guy with the big hammer is a real fount of knowledge. Or maybe you can ask the giant green guy who smashes things.”
Tony took out some more forms. “He’s not part of the Avengers.”
“Why not?”
“He smashes things.”
I noticed the red and gold Iron Man armor standing unused in a display case. “I can’t believe you get all the credit for designing that when all you did was come up with gay color scheme after spending countless hours sobering up at Denny’s while staring at the ketchup and mustard bottles.”
Tony was busy filling out forms and looking more irate. “Yes, I know; the color scheme is gay. Anything else?”
“Your mustache is gay too.” I noticed something out of place. “Do you know you have the number for Joey’s Pizza stuck to your armor?”
“What?!” He ran over to his armor. “Stupid teenagers! They think it’s so funny to put refrigerator magnets on Iron Man… even after I just saved them from aliens! I hate kids!”
“I’ll show myself out.” I took one last look out his window. Now Daredevil had joined Spider-Man in watching impotently as the mutant squid destroyed the tanker. I guess it was a job for Aquaman.