Conservatives don’t seem so enthused with John McCain and kind of feel on the sidelines this election cycle. Still, things could be worse, so I thought I’d make a list of positive things about the Republican candidate:
TOP TEN GREAT THINGS ABOUT JOHN MCCAIN
10. Independents love him, so they must know something we don’t with how smart they think they are.
9. Since he has military combat experience, instead of getting the tiresome chickenhawk argument from liberals, we’ll get the newer, more interesting “being in the military made him crazy!” argument.
8. Reportedly, he’s very conservative on social issues… though he never likes to admit it in public so don’t bring it up.
7. He is very solid on winning in Iraq. In fact, the whole quitting on Vietnam thing pissed him off so much he’ll to this day strangle anyone who brings it up.
6. There.s even less evidence he’s secretly a Muslim than the next leading presidential candidate.
5. He is reportedly quite comfortable around crackers and honkeys.
4. He still openly identifies himself as a Republican.
3. His name is very similar to that of the hero from Die Hard.
2. There is no credible evidence he puts puppies in blenders.
And the number one great things about John McCain…
Okay, I don’t really have a full ten great things about John McCain and was kinda reaching on those last couple, but the general election hasn’t even really started and I’m sure I’ll be able to fill in the list later. Stay peppy, people!
He doesn’t feel a need to give a plane full of female reporters a “crotch shot”.
Wow, that’s at least 8 more than I could have come up with. The only one I got was number 7.
Although number 9 should make the coming election a little funnier. And that’s saying something.
#10. He’s not B. Hussein Obama.
He’ll spend all day sitting on his porch yelling at protestors to “Stay off my lawn!” This will reduce the size of the federal lawncare budget. Hooray for smaller government!
When he wakes up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom (a fairly common occurence), a slightlyl-senile President McCain might try to turn the light on, push the wrong button, and vaporize Iran on accident.
All law schools will train students by watching episodes of Matlock.
Buy stock in prune juice and Ben Gay now!
—sigh—
Just once – I, like Frank J, want to post something without a single typo in it.
Probably just wishful thinking for both of us.
He ain’t called FrnakJ for nothing you know.
And I’ll give you a hint, he really likes it when people correct his misspellings in the comments. That makes his day.
Wow, I almost don’t know what to say about all this. It is pretty lame and useless.
Umm, uh…
Well, I guess he’ll keep the price of lettuce low.
“Stay peppy, people!”
Yeah, right. For McCain? Shirly you jest. And yes, I called you “Shirly.”
That’s a good thing?
Hmm…how about:
1) He won’t return national defense to the methods of Clinton and Carter.
1) He’s not going to propose nationalizing health care, so that you can learn to expect the same “service” from a hospital ER that you now get from the DMV when renewing your car registration.
1) There’s an outside chance he might veto a bill cranking up the taxes on “the rich” (also known as the top 50% of wage earners) to pay for hiring 50,000 new government bureaucrats to do…something, whatever focus-groups best to single mothers and retired public-school teachers.
1) He might even put some effort into not allowing the Bush tax cuts of 2001 to expire, thus not cranking up your taxes (provided you pay any, i.e. are a productive person instead of a Democrat) by 30% or so in two years.
1) He’s not likely to appoint three new Ruth Bader Ginsburgs’ to the Supreme Court when the three ancient leftist Justices presently hanging on by their fingernails until a Democratic President is elected finally retire (or die).
1) He’s also not likely to appoint 100 new Federal judges that think all you dumbass crackers need to have your guns taken away before yo’ hurt yo’selves.
1) He’s not going to have a media so massively invested in him that they completely cocoon him from reality, a dangerous place for any President to be.
1) You’ll be able to criticize him after he’s elected without instantly being labeled a racist hater and maybe having your tax return audited and your phone tapped by the BATF to see if you’re guilty of some church bombings or something.
1) He won’t be proposing to a fawning filibuster-proof Democratic Congress a new cabinet-level Department of Hope ‘n’ Change with Oprah as the first Secretary of Hope and 20,000 Federal employees, to pay for which we need to raise taxes on “the rich” i.e. you.
And the number one Number 1 reason…
1) Since this would make eight straight elections in which a Democrat either can’t win the White House at all, or can’t win without openly bucking the party’s Stalinist wing, the Democratic Party might finally implode, go through some much-needed house-cleaning, permanently exile those Stalinists, and get back to its decent Trumanesque roots, providing us once again with two genuinely plausible alternatives. And then you might have the luxury of voting against someone like McCain, in the future, because the Republicans might no longer be able to take for granted the vote of anyone over the age of 30 and/or not a college professor of Gender Studies.
John McCain is so McAwesome! Really! [hyperventilating] He’s just pretending to be a moderate because Obama is such a leftyloon! Once the general election is over, the real McCain will appear, and it will be like, so McCool! He’ll bomb, bomb, bomb Iran, and then he’ll Nuq Iraq! He’ll give Putin noogies! He’ll take Chavez and OBL and crack their skulls together! The climate will stop changing because it is afraid of pissing off McCain! Middle East countries will send us free oil and their kids will say “When I grow up, I want to be an American! Like John McCain!” [pausing to catch breath] McCain will seal our borders because illegals “kinda resemble the VC g**ks that broke my shoulders.” Mohammed (piss, oops I mean peace, be upon him) will write a book about the glories of McCain. Anything and everything will be totally McWonderful!
darn closing tags!!!!!!!
Yep – what #12 said. Plus, McCain will fix the environment since it’s all global warming-ed up and that won’t raise taxes or anything at all.
Except the part about the judges – I’m not sure any McCain judges will be better than Ginsberg given his history in the Senate.
And the thing about extending the Bush Tax Cuts since McCain voted against them and hasn’t done a nose-picking thing about making them permanent.
And the part about the Dems imploding because their dream ticket to run against is John McCain and just about anybody else. He’s basically just a Democrat who likes dead terrorists and either John Kerry or Al Gore would have kicked his geriatric fanny all the way back to Phoenix had they been his opponents. The only reason he’s going to win this year is that of the Presidential Dems, one is courting the white racist vote and one is courting the black racist vote.
Another thing I disagree with Carl Pham is … – hmmm. Well, I guess we don’t have anything we agree on. I don’t like being told by John McCain to bend over and squeal like a pig every time he says the words “bipartisan” or “compromise” and it doesn’t seem like it bothers you all that much.
He aint RON PAUL.
Umm, uh…
Well, I guess he’ll keep the price of lettuce low.
#9 – Posted by: MarkoMancuso on May 27, 2008 01:02 PM
He did back off on the $50/hr that he promised for the UAW croud to pick lettuce in Yuma for the summer.
1a. He isn’t Hillary Clinton (or whatever her name is this week).
1b. He isn’t Barack Obama.
He aint RON PAUL.
#16 – Posted by: Harold Stassen on May 27, 2008 03:14 PM
On many things he is much worse. But at least he wants to succeed in Iraq, so he has that going for him.
per Rubeus on #11, I totally agree. A man that’ll blend puppies to prove his point is a man I take seriously.
Blending puppies, bad. Blending moose lambs, good.
His wife made millions working for a Budweiser distributor. If he has any questions about economics he can ask his wife to pass him a beer and she can whisper the answer into his ear while he takes a swig.
If the world is overrun by telepathic aliens he can lead the counter attack with Bushes junior and senior as his wing men (all pilots).
He probably won’t be any worse than Ford was.
I’ve been thinking about the election and trying to find ONE good thing about Qwai Chang McCain and other than the fact that he seems to be getting people to ignore that fact that his closest allies in the Senate have been Kennedy, Liebermann, Feingold and company, and that he is going to open the US border to any and all Mexicans who can run, walk, crawl up from Mexico and have US pay for them, I can’t come up with even one.
He’s Obama light. And if you think he’s NOT going to open the borders, enact new gun control laws and partner up with his Leftist Senate buddies than you’re a fool.
The only hope is put Obama in and sit back and wait for the Gates of Hell to spew destruction across America and hope that we can find enough people who remember what America was to help put it back together. Wait for the horror and make it your friend.
Listen to the Leftist Master Mao, “All power will come from the muzzle of a gun.”
Not that I’m pessimistic about things or anything…
I’ve been thinking about the election and trying to find ONE good thing about Qwai Chang McCain and other than the fact that he seems to be getting people to ignore that fact that his closest allies in the Senate have been Kennedy, Liebermann, Feingold and company, and that he is going to open the US border to any and all Mexicans who can run, walk, crawl up from Mexico and have US pay for them, I can’t come up with even one.
He’s Obama light. And if you think he’s NOT going to open the borders, enact new gun control laws and partner up with his Leftist Senate buddies than you’re a fool.
The only hope is put Obama in and sit back and wait for the Gates of Hell to spew destruction across America and hope that we can find enough people who remember what America was to help put it back together. Wait for the horror and make it your friend.
Listen to the Leftist Master Mao, “All power will come from the muzzle of a gun.”
Not that I’m pessimistic about things or anything…
Thanks for the lists everybody, if I put all those together it still doesn’t beat voting against the avowed liberal/marxist/socialist.
At least McCain understands the working people of this great country don’t want that. We’ll just have to wait and hope he wants to be reelected, so he at least tries to lean a little right.
By the way “a little revolution now and then is a good thing, don’t you think?”
BLC, I would like to know why you think McCain will enact new gun control laws. I don’t think that’s true. Read his postions on the 2nd amendment and let me know where you disagree with him.
http://www.johnmccain.com/Informing/Issues/77636553-6337-4ecd-b170-49e1c07d2fbd.htm
Do you have some other information I should know about McCain and gun control?
When Qwai Chang first ran back in 2K I was interested and excited about him. Then I looked past the POW image and got to his positions on the issues.
He supported the AWBs as well as proposed bans on any semi auto weapon and has made statements that “The Bill of Rights must sometimes be abridged in the face of effective government”.
He was against laws protecting gun manufacturers from law suits brought by clowns like Bloomberg, Rendell, Menino and such.
Prior to his positioning himself as a “Conservative” (what a joke!) his lifetime rating from Gun Owwners of America was an F. He has now gotten himself up to a C.
He has already stated that the SCOTUS Justices who have ruled against the crime against Liberty that is his McCain/Feingold Bill are “too conservative” and do not belong on the Court.
Later in his life Goldwater turned against McCain, there are sould ideological reasons for it.
Besides, do you really want to trust someone who says nice things about Swimmer Teddy?
Check out other opinions,
http://www.gunowners.org/mccaintb.htm
I do belive him when e says he’ll fight for what HE BELIEVES in, and what he really believes isn’t what he’s saying on the campaign trail.
And check out his #1 paid adviser on immigration issues, Senoir Juan Hernandez, the former Mexican government official who you see on O’Reily and H&C’s shows talking about how we should not stop anyone from coming to America.
#1. Ummmm…no that doesn’t work…
#2. errrrr….nope
#3. Uhhhh…..sh!t
#4. I give up!
So McCain – Feingold campaign finace reform and comprehensive immigration reform are how you “know” McCain is really anti-gun despite the policy positions he puts on his campaign web site.
That GOA home page only mentions 2 politicians: John McCain and Ron Paul. Seems like their purpose is to trash McCain as well as to promote the 2nd amendment. Why do they not have any information on other politicians gun votes?
A lot of the “anti-gun” votes they show for McCain the amendment passed with 70 votes so his vote then didn’t make any difference. McCain was on your side in some close votes. How do you explain those? Also some of his negative votes were on procedural questions like tabling an amendment or ending a filibuster. So his voting record, while not perfect according to GOA, doesn’t contradict what he put on his web site. Last of course, this is 2008, not 1999 when most of those GOA tracked votes were cast.
What else you got?
McCain – Kennedy
McCain support for a Global Warming initiative
McCain and the gang of 14
And on and on and on and on…
I’m just trying to find out if the “McCain is anti-gun” story is true, false or complicated, Mr. Carter. If the only people pushing that story are supporters of one of McCain’s remaining opponents (Ron Paul in the case of GOA) then maybe there’s really no story at all.
Do you have any facts to add? Cause I have enough sound and fury already.
He remembers clearly that his uncle did NOT liberate Jews from German concentration camps.
Is McCain great? No! It is Obama who is great: http://friendfeed.com/rooms/obamamania
Trophy wife is AGE APPROPRIATE and HOT.
Susan Sarandon will leave the country if he is elected.