Archive of entries posted on 4th November 2008

Presidential Election Prediction Talk

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Since everyone under the sun, it seems, is predicting the election outcome and its fallout I am compelled to do the same.

Daring anyone to prove me wrong….. I predict that:

  1. Our new President-elect will be male, human and over 35. It will be person who spent a significant portion of their younger years in Asia. Possibly, just possibly even a natural born American citizen who has lived on American soil for 8 or more years.
  2. Our new Vice President-elect will have at the same number of X chromosomes as there are syllables in their day-by-day nicknames. Furthermore this individual will be a parent to multiple children, one serving in the armed forces.
  3. In no particular order, McCain and Obama will easily be the top two vote getters.
  4. Bob Barr (Libertarian) will be a distant but respectable third.
  5. The advanced alien life forms who manipulate us at their whim will have a good laugh in their giant hidden sub-ocean outposts. Admittedly this one will be the hardest to verify.
  6. People will be glad this crap is over until they realize it never… really… is.

Tonight

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I do plan to live blog the election returns tonight, but I also hope to watch Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles off my computer too. See, my DVR didn’t record it last night. It said it was going to, but it didn’t for some reason. And it’s not like there were two other shows in the same time slot it recorded instead. So now I’ll have to watch the episode off of the FOX website, but watching a show off a laptop sitting on a TV tray just isn’t the same as watching it in HD on my big screen with digital sound. Anyway, I’ve never felt so betrayed by a piece of my home entertainment system before, and I just had to get that off my chest. I know I should be concerned about the election right now, but I can’t trust my DVR anymore… and despite all the hype, which do you think is more likely to directly affect me?

Frank Election Day Thoughts

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* If I connected an electrical cord to a squirrel, would that make a power squirrel or is it more complicated than that?

* I bet the first caveman who invented fire thought it was an angry spirit. I’m still not sure it isn’t.

* When my cat wants food, she cries and swats me. I once tried crying and swatting her, but instead of bringing me food she just hissed and jumped on top of the cabinet. What do we have a cat for?

* I know why we have a dog: She’s the doorbell interpreter. When the doorbell rings, she runs to the door yelling, “Woo! Woo! Woo!” to tell us people are there. Thanks, dog, we know what the doorbell means. If the Woo brothers from the Triad are ever at the door ready to kill me, she will seem prescient, though.

* In Knight Rider, they use talking car to help them fight crime, but I really think it would be more useful to the average guy stuck because then he’d have someone to talk to. I try calling my wife, but she’s always like, “I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE TRAFFIC!!” I hope the car is more considerate of my feelings.

* What do you think was the first hat? My guess is it was a turtle shell because that would help cavemen avoid head injuries when they played baseball.

* Why do people box kangaroos? I guess because they stand upright. That’s our thing! Other animals can’t do that. I guess if Tyrannosaurus Rexes were still around, we’d box them too. Ha! They’d be at such a disadvantage with those tiny little arms.

* When my wife and I walk the dog in the morning before sunrise, it’s dark but we can hear sheep baaing when we walk by a farm. Well, maybe it’s goats. It’s either sheep or goats. I hope it’s either sheep or goats.

* I bet it would be neat to show a caveman around our time and explain all our modern technology to him. Except, he probably wouldn’t know English and would try to hit me with a club and then I’d have to shoot him to death. There goes that afternoon.

* I know McCain could possibly win the election, but I’m kinda hyped for an Obama victory because I’m looking forward to going underground. BTW, tomorrow this site will be password protected. If you’re a real conservative, you’ll know what it is.

Fairness

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Some people are worried that if Obama wins, he with the help of the Democrats in Congress will pass the Fairness Doctrine and apply it to the internet. I want to give you this guarantee, though, that even if threatened by fines, imprisonment, or violence, IMAO will never ever be fair.

Ever.

lolterizt! Part 68 – lolelekshun08! (3 of 3)

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Next week, back to terrorists.

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.

From Dax:

Five from me:

Two from Herpules:

Two from Sir Andrew:

From kentecat:

From roamingfirehydrant:

Two From Basil of Basil’s Blog:

Another from Dax:

Finally, here’s one for you to caption:

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

HAT TIP: Snapped Shot for handy links to ripe-for-captioning photos.

Send your submissions to lolterizt-at-gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.