The White House web site has a new page called “Open for Questions“, where citizens are encouraged to submit their questions on the economy. On Thursday, Obama will answer all the ones that make him look good, like “The economy is so much better now that you’re president. Why are you so awesome, and how can we best praise you? Would a large, golden idol be appropriate?”
Personally, I’d go a little less softball. Here are some of mine:
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* You say America needs jobs, green energy, and cheap health care, yet all you’ve done is “invest” trillions in financial institutions that are too stupid to earn a profit. Isn’t this like promising to buy your daughter a pony, then going out and buying yourself a Mustang?
* Could we maybe take your $3.5 trillion budget to Vegas and play blackjack with it? Statistically, we should still have $3.4 trillion left afterwards, which is better odds than we’re getting from you.
* You’re planning to lower the deduction on charitable giving. Are you also planning to spank your children when they share their toys?
* When asked why it took you so long to express outrage over the AIG bonuses, you said “because I like to know what I’m talking about before I speak.” Didn’t you actually mean to say “my teleprompter was broken”?
* A two-part question: In your speech on the economy, you said “there are no silver bullets”. If that’s true, then – first – how will America defend itself from a werewolf invasion, and – second – have you considered asking the Lone Ranger for assistance?
* You criticized AIG executives for “enriching themselves on the taxpayers’ dime”, calling it “inexcusable”. Does this standard apply to your $500,000 book deal? Or is your book deal OK because it was done before you assumed the Presidency? And does this make the AIG bonuses OK, because they were set up before they accepted the bailout?
* You said we “can’t afford to demonize every investor or entrepreneur who seeks to make a profit”. Does that mean you have a list of people that you CAN afford to demonize? Does that list consist of the names of people who submit unflattering questions to the Open For Questions web site?
* Senator Benjamin Cardin has proposed a measure to help newspapers that are struggling to stay afloat by allowing them to reorganize as non-profit entities. If you support this measure, would you support a similar measure for bloggers? I mean, I sit around all day making stuff up, and I’m not making any money at it, either.
* If Treasury Secretary Geithner is fired or resigns, who will replace him. Are there any Democrat tax cheats left in Washington who aren’t already part of your administration?
* Although you expressed outrage over the AIG bonuses, you don’t seem too upset about the millions in Fannie Mae bonuses. Are you saying that it’s OK to use bailout money for bonuses as long as your company name sounds like a character from the Beverly Hillbillies?
Anything YOU want to ask That One?
This seems like the beginning of the creation of a large number of Secret Service or FBI files. After all, those who would oppose The One must be properly monitered, and dealt with appropriately.
I noted to a friend yesterday that we are all obliged to be good little “Democrats” and watch as the will of the majority shreds our Constitution over our objections. We are, after all, a “Democracy” and if “we” want to self-destruct, dammit, then self-destruct we shall.
Do you ever roll over in your sleep and almost suffocate yourself with your ears?
When you answered the punch-drunk question, you mentioned the phrase “gallows humor”. Isn’t that pretty racist since black people used to be lynched?
When you go to Tehran, are you going to take your own throw-pillow to kneel on or will you use one provided by the Mullahs? Or, do you plan on kneeling directly on the floor?
We know you follow college basketball pretty closely. Do you keep up with anything that’s happening on Lost? Do you have any idea what the smoke monster is?
When Michelle started her garden, she wore clothing that was 100% inappropriate for gardening. Did you set that up on purpose to provide some kind of metaphor for your presidency?
Seriously, have your ears ever come loose during a wind storm and knocked down any telephone poles or buildings? How about knocked any nearby children into a wall?
No silver bullets? Haven’t you ever had a Coors Lite? Or is that too “flyover country” for you?
How do you successfully suppress pictures of your head in a bucket?
Do you have a formal bucket for entertaining foreign dignitaries and Hollywood celebrities?
Do you ever borrow Sean Penn’s bucket, since he prefers to stick his head up his own tuchis?
On “24,” the fake lady President got herself captured and was forced to read a treasonous false confession to the world. Is this something we should prepare ourselves to see on the news, or will you continue to read such statements of your own free will for the next 46 months?
To follow up – is your administration as rife with corruption and incompetence as the fake lady President’s? Moreso?
We know you love office pools and such. So, what’s the over/under on Unconstitutional laws that you’ll be signing? Can we bet that as a parlay that with the number of foreign dignitaries you’ll be offending?
When playing basketball, how often do you call cheesy touch fouls – after every shot you miss or just the easy ones? Do your pals from the court simply call you “Ticky-Tack” or “The Ref”?
Will your record hostile takeover of private assets include getting poor Timmy Geithner a secretary or a PDA or something?
” * If Treasury Secretary Geithner is fired or resigns, who will replace him. Are there any Democrat tax cheats left in Washington who aren’t already part of your administration?”
That ones easy – of course there are lots more democrat tax cheats that haven’t been brought on board yet. The question should be “Are you going to detail a “Tax Cheat Czar” to go through IRS files to find people that are qualified to be in your administration?”
Heh, these are CLASSIC!
*Do you actually worship Satan, or do your goals just coincidentally align?
*What was with the giant TV instead of the TelePrompter last night? Does all that cocaine adversely affect your vision?
Given its every growing influence and role in the shaping of public policy and the running of this nation, do you believe that the TelePrompTer should be made into a cabinet level position subject to Legislative approval and oversight?
Would you like a nice Hawaiian Punch?
* You say America needs jobs, green energy, and cheap health care, yet all you’ve done is “invest” trillions in financial institutions that are too stupid to earn a profit. Isn’t this like promising to buy your daughter a pony, then going out and buying yourself a Mustang?\
Actually, it was a BMW.
* Could we maybe take your $3.5 trillion budget to Vegas and play blackjack with it? Statistically, we should still have $3.4 trillion left afterwards, which is better odds than we’re getting from you.
I prefer roulette. Put it all on “black”.
* You’re planning to lower the deduction on charitable giving. Are you also planning to spank your children when they share their toys?
The only charitable giving should be to Me. L’estat C’est Moi. That’s French, you ignorant crackers.
* When asked why it took you so long to express outrage over the AIG bonuses, you said “because I like to know what I’m talking about before I speak.” Didn’t you actually mean to say “my teleprompter was broken”?
Why else do you think I used that giant, greenhouse gas-spewing Plasma TV?
* A two-part question: In your speech on the economy, you said “there are no silver bullets”. If that’s true, then – first – how will America defend itself from a werewolf invasion, and – second – have you considered asking the Lone Ranger for assistance?
I will answer those questions at the next pep rally…errr…press conference…because I like to know what I’m talking about before I speak. Child vampires and how to use them to acquire cocaine is more my area of supernatural expertise.
* You criticized AIG executives for “enriching themselves on the taxpayers’ dime”, calling it “inexcusable”. Does this standard apply to your $500,000 book deal? Or is your book deal OK because it was done before you assumed the Presidency? And does this make the AIG bonuses OK, because they were set up before they accepted the bailout?
Your insolence displeases Me. Guards, kill him!
* Now that you’ve caused more damage to the economy in two months than all Administrations before yours, you’re going to have a lot of free time. Will you be practicing your mad breakdancing skills on the cardboard, or will you be just chillin’ with the homies?
* What would you do for a Klondike bar?
* Is it true that Michelle once unhinged her lower jaw & devoured a water buffalo whole? It looks like she certainly could…
* Now that dissent is no longer patriotic, what will happen to people like myself, who have criti-
* You said we “can’t afford to demonize every investor or entrepreneur who seeks to make a profit”. Does that mean you have a list of people that you CAN afford to demonize? Does that list consist of the names of people who submit unflattering questions to the Open For Questions web site?
I was simply explaining that we need to raise taxes in order to pay for the demonization. And for the re-education camps. And the excavation equipment for the mass graves.
* Senator Benjamin Cardin has proposed a measure to help newspapers that are struggling to stay afloat by allowing them to reorganize as non-profit entities. If you support this measure, would you support a similar measure for bloggers? I mean, I sit around all day making stuff up, and I’m not making any money at it, either.
I support any measure that forbids businesses from making a profit. How do you think I came up with my economic plan?
* If Treasury Secretary Geithner is fired or resigns, who will replace him. Are there any Democrat tax cheats left in Washington who aren’t already part of your administration?
I feel you, dawg. It’s like they’re all in the math Special Olympics or something. Ha ha.
* Although you expressed outrage over the AIG bonuses, you don’t seem too upset about the millions in Fannie Mae bonuses. Are you saying that it’s OK to use bailout money for bonuses as long as your company name sounds like a character from the Beverly Hillbillies?
Or from The Jeffersons.
Guards? I thought I ordered you to kill him….
Mr. President:
Is Joe The Biden smarter than a 5th grader?
Is Barney Frank really Elmer Fudd?
Are you high?
When are you going to stand up to Nancy Pelosie, and tell her your the president and not her?
Is Tim Geither the best tax cheat……uher man for the job?
are you the Anti Christ?
What will you do if your teleprompter leaves you for another president?
Now that we’ve had Black, will we ever go back?
Do your ears hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Can you throw them over your shoulder like a Continental soldier?
Is it true that you have ordered the FBI to hunt down a “John Galt”?
AlanABQ…LOL! Love it!
Mr. Obama…
Q. Since you’ve had a hard time picking Treasuring Department officials, have you tried picking your nose, instead? Would you pick your friend Tim Geithner’s nose if you had to?
Q. Are you now picking your nose too much, or not enough?
Q. Are you praising Bush for his deficits or criticizing him? ‘Cause if you’re praising him, weren’t Bush’s smaller deficits better, like your penis?
“* You’re planning to lower the deduction on charitable giving.”
and
“*Senator Benjamin Cardin has proposed a measure to help newspapers that are struggling to stay afloat by allowing them to reorganize as non-profit entities”
Don’t these cancel each other out? Nobody will a buy newspaper but they’re going to make non-deductible donations?
Mr. President:
What do you do when Joe plays hide Barack’s teleprompter?
Did you get advice on how to ruin the country from Jimmy Carter, or is that just all you?
Is it true that your starting a war against buckets?
How many books will you ultimately write about yourself?
Mr. President:
Here is a really tough question for you Mr. President, and we all know how you hate those. Anyway President Obama why do you keep refusing to show the vault copy of your birth certificate? Do you have something to hide Mr. President? Or should we say Mr. so called President
Who programs the teleprompter?
My friend is reading the list of questions on the site to me on the phone right now. The top three or more questions in every category (including veterans, etc.) are about the legalization of pot. Apparently legalizing pot will solve ALL our problems, or at least make us ignore them more effectively. Just like the people who keep pushing for this.
Funny – I bet the people who say we should legalize it and tax it, if we did, would immediately complain the taxes were too high, or destroy the tax system with homegrown.
Ask a silly question of the people who voted for Obama, get Bevis and Butthead.
OK, I created an account and asked the following:
“I’m looking over the questions submitted to you on this site, in every category, and notice a lot of questions about legalization of pot.
Is everyone who voted for you stoned?
It would explain a great deal.”
I created this under the user name Haywood Jablowme.
Dear Mr. President,
My Mommy says she hope you’re faster than a speeding bullet…..I don’t know why she says that….But I figured I’de ask so she wont worry. Are you faster than a speeding bullet?
1. Is that lipstick you’re wearing?
2. In four years, will your new slogan be, “I suppose we couldn’t”?
3. Will you ask Barney Frank to say “six silly sisters sipped sassafras” ten times fast?
4. Michelle wants to know when the @*#%!! are you going to start leaving the toilet seat down.
Dear Mr. Obama,
If something were to happen to your teleprompter, do you become president?
Mr. Obama, was it a left wing plot to cause the banks and other institutions to fail by forcing them to up their quotas of high risk loans and count things like welfare and foodstamps as income, blame the whole thing on Bush, then be “forced” to nationalize these institutions or did you use your powers as a minor God to make this happen?
Dear Hussein,
Are you the dumbest smartest or the smartest dumbest prez ever? Or just a communist?
Since you won’t release any of your educational history from those wonderful colleges you attended (at the expense of some anonamus ‘sponsors’), is it ok if I contact Al Qaeda to see how your training went when you illegally travelled to Pah-kee-stahn for that summer vacation in the ’80’s?
The news has been filled with people the world over naming their anchor babies Barak, Does it upset you the there are real American patriots naming their children John Galt?
If you had it all to do over again, whouldn’t you really have prefered the white side of your skin pigment to have been dominant? And if so, would you really be such a ni@@!r lover?
Is it still painful to sit on the stub left from your prehensile tail removal surgery?
I live in the United States, could you give me the contact information for the Brittish PM, he has some DVD’s I’d like to borrow. (I have a program that can copy them without region codes, don’t tell anyone)
As a follow-up to a previous question. If there are no silver bullets to solve the finantial ‘crisis’ why have you installed a lone ranger in the treasury department? Also, it seems to me we have plenty of depleted uranium rounds to fire in all directions to kill something in congress. Shouldn’t there at least be a single marine blasting away at SOMETHING? (hint: Chaney is a hell of a shot)
When the white house ‘garden’ finally gives fruit in the summer this year, how are you going to explain the 4 rows of watermellons and callerd greens to the white population without seeming racist?
When the next wave of ‘human caused damage’ happens, will you honestly expect that F-16 pilot to shoot down the aircraft before it crashes into the white house, or do you expect him to escort it there? (my bet is on the latter)
one more.
Sarah Palin, Would you hit it?
Eric,
He very obviously wouldn’t. We can tell by his spouse that he prefers hideous he/she beasts that eat small white children for brunch. Besides, Sarah is way too much woman for him… not for me however. Mrrrow! I’ll have what Todd’s having.
Both the Red and Missouri rivers in North Dakota are flooding due to record-breaking snowfalls this winter. Why aren’t you and Al Gore up there filling sand bags?
Mr. President:
Did Michelle ever mention if it was as good for her as it was for me?
Can I get the two by four back that I had tied across my ass?