They now have a rehab center for internet addiction. I’m against this. If anyone ever tells you that you should visit IMAO less, he is a bad bad man. I want you to report him to us immediately so we can egg his house. You can never visit IMAO too many times.
Hey, I wonder if I just put up a funny new post? You better refresh to see if I did. Just keep refreshing until something new appears.
NY Gov. Paterson is blaming his problems on his race? He’s blind; how can he even be sure what race he is?
So how many politicians out there have this backwards view that everyone is out to keep black people down?
I am being naive? Are some of you out there trying to keep the black man down? If so, stop it!
Whitewater rafting is fun as long as you don’t mind getting splashed. I don’t think our cats would like it.
That’s right. I go whitewater rafting. I’m not some geeky computer nerd. I’m a badass.
Vodkapundit‘s Week in Blogs for PJTV is up. One of the IMAO personalities made the list, and another IMAO personality is all ragey with envy. Go see!
dum stoopid heelbilly neocon jues! y u no want free helth cair? how dum stoopid can u bee?
y u so racist agenst obama? is it cuz hees black an ur a dum stoopid? u racist astrotruf dum stoopid angree mobs! u only agenst helth cair cuz u paid off by insurance companees to be racist agenst helth cair. u no even no wut u talk about! u listen to queen dum stoopid sarah palin about death panels. she make dat up out of her stoopid brain. no such thing. she so dum stoopid dat when she go befor helth panel dey weel decide to youthanize her cuz she too dum for guvment to pay for.
y u not listen to obama? y u want bad dum stoopid helth cair ware doctors steel feet and tonsels and giv u expensiv red pill? u too dum too liv if u want dat. helth panel shud decide to youthanize u too!
no. dat too harsh. me sorree. i giv u free check up. me new doctor under helth cair plan. me charg littul an keep cost down. so cum close so i can get a look at u.
uh oh. i see problem. sumting wrong wit ur eyes. it no good. dey have to come out…
Here’s where you can hear from America’s Morning News today. I’m on the second hour about the 28 minute mark. I thought I was okay this time, but I definitely have not mastered the radio appearance.
So it ended up the Lockerbie bomber had terminal cancer. Now, if you have a terrorist expected to die in three month, I see basically five option:
1. Laugh at him like Nelson Muntz.
2. Say you’re giving him chemo, but just give him lots lots of laxatives.
3. Do the merciful thing and strap a bomb to him, launch him in the air with a slingshot, and watch him explode.
4. Let him go back to Libya to be greeted as a hero for his savagery… where he explodes from a bomb hidden inside him.
5. Same as option four but no hidden bomb.
Scotland unfortunately went with option five. I say we declare war on them for extreme stupidity that is an insult to all nations who don’t like murder. If you can’t take terrorists seriously, maybe a war is just what you need to serious you up.
And no more letting you try terrorists. We have giant slingshots and explosives here and are ready to use them.
I’m all in favor of Tea Parties (the Taxed Enough Already kind, not the froo-froo, blue-haired, extended-pinky kind), but the folks at Tea Party Express have me scratching my head on their efforts to raise money to support their national bus tour:
“The national tea party tour will be supported by paid television ads that include the tagline: “Ask yourself this, would you be willing to put your own family into the hands of Barack Obama’s socialistic health care plan? [emphasis mine]”
Worst. Tagline. Ever.
A tagline is supposed to be pithy, clever, and/or memorable. Let’s see if we can shine this up a little:
* ObamaCare: Let’s test it out on Congress first.
* So bad, even Canadians would vote against it – if they were American and smarter.
* Like treating a paper cut with lemon juice.
* If you’re kidding, I’m not laughing. If you’re serious, I’m getting my gun.
* Like the Special Olympics or something.
* Even Sarah Palin would support putting this plan in front of a Death Panel.
* Ask yourself this, would you be willing to put your own family into the hands of the people who did Pelosi’s face lift?
* It’ll be just like the Post Office, except “going postal” will be known as “going doctoral”.
* The government will protect your health just like they protected GM & Chrysler.
* Tar. Feathers. Democrats. Some assembly required.
If you’ve got a tagline, drop it in the comments.
I’ll be on America’s Morning News (Washington Time’s radio program) tomorrow morning (I should be on around 7:45 ET) talking about the Joker poster and whether Obama is like the Joker.
Tonight, it’s RiffTrax Live!
Oliver Stone is going to do a Secret History of America series for Showtime revealing interesting things he’s discovered about the past sixty years. I’ve gotten my hands on some of that information:
OLIVER STONE’S DISCOVERED SECRETS
* Elvis assassinated Kennedy.
* The Korean War started when we found out the North Koreans are secretly aliens.
* Communists cloned Obama in a secret lab in Kenya.
* Teddy Kennedy is actually a shaved bigfoot.
* Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups were invented by the CIA to ensnare urban youth with its deliciousness (Reese’s is a sponsor of the series).
* The Snuggie was invented decades ago but kept secret by the government until now.
* The scarce commodity oil that give the Middle East influence — actually made from readily available corn starch.
* The moon landing was faked on Mars.
* We actually totally won the Vietnam War but pretended to give up to give useless hippies self-esteem.
Seven in ten Democrats are now against the war in Afghanistan. So, an evil, extremely oppressive regime harbors terrorists who attacked the U.S. killing thousands, but that’s not worth war. What is exactly? Were they polled on whether we should have gone after the Japanese after Pearl Harbor? Or is that one okay because a Democrat started the war?
Once again I have to remind people that Democrats are a useless, silly people. It’s okay to have them piddle around with a few social issues to keep them from whining, but keep them away from anything serious. America is expected to keep the world in order, and with that sort of responsibility I’m beginning to wonder if we should even have Democrats. They’re okay in Europe — no one ever expects Belgium to come to the rescue — but it just seems in a world with terrorists and nuclear-armed rogue states, Democrats may be a silly, harmful luxury we can’t afford right, sort of like a two pack a day cigarette habit when we’re a marathon runner.
Once we make the world safer, then we can let useless, silly people have decisions about America’s government again. Until then, it just seems like a bad idea for everyone.
I think MSNBC is trying to start a race war. I guess they think that would be good for their ratings, but I really don’t see any plausible scenario in which large numbers of people tune in to MSNBC. Even if people want to be lied to, they at least want the people to do it to be marginally competent at it (“Let’s just crop off the black guy’s head so we can claim he’s white! No one will ever find out!”). Maybe if they set Keith Olbermann on fire and threw him off a building, people would tune in to see that. I’d consider it. So, that’s something for them to think about.
Under ObamaCare, “Sophie’s choice” will just be known as a common budgeting decision.
Under ObamaCare, the only way your sick grandma will get care is if she’s an illegal immigrant.
Under ObamaCare, every doctor will be as mean as House and as incompetent as Dr. Nick Riviera.
Under ObamaCare, whatever you do, don’t take the blue pill.
Under ObamaCare, health care will be as free and wildly available as unicorns.
Under ObamaCare, there will be plenty of health care choices for anyone who doesn’t mind fines and imprisonment.
Under ObamaCare, Yakov Smirnoff’s style humor will be made relevant again.
Under Obamacare, even Wolverine will not heal.
Sometimes I lie away at night frantically trying to remember if the official name of my favorite procedural is “House” or “House, M.D.”
Under ObamaCare, House will be canceled because, realisitically, there will not be money for a team of diagnosticians. Actually, that’s kinda infeasible now.
Hopefully I can get the hang of a radio interview. I cannot describe just how much I love hearing my own voice.
Lots of people worry about a zombie apocalypse, but I never hear anyone worry about a vampire apocalypse. Why? Zombies seem more possible. Plus, no one has even considered making zombies sparkly.
How are Democrats like Nazis? I don’t quite care for either of them.
PHOENIX (AP) — A man carrying a copy of the US Constitution was arrested while demonstrating outside President Obama’s speech to veterans on Monday.
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Although Arizona law currently allows citizens to openly carry a Constitution for purposes of self-defense against tyrants and despots, such laws are usurped in the presence of the President.
“A venue is considered a federal site when the Secret Service is protecting the president and federal law applies on a federal site,” said Secret Service spokesman Ed Donovan.
Because the Constitution contains language “limiting” the powers of President – and was also written by slave-owners who considered blacks to be “three-fifths” of a person and not eligible for the office of the Presidency – the document is not protected as “free speech”. Instead, it’s covered under federal hate speech laws if one is brought within 1000 feet of President Obama.
White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said that the incident was being taken “very seriously” and that the FBI was considering further action.
“The US Constitution is a violent and revolutionary document, directly responsible for at least two wars in this nation,” said Gibbs. “Insurrectionist chatter like that may require us to consider charges of treason. We’re currently investigating the possibility, which will take some time, since no one in this administration has ever actually examined the document in question.”
“Free speech is not an absolute,” explained FBI spokesman John Miller. “You can’t yell ‘Fire!’ in a crowded theater. Waving a Constitution around is essentially yelling ‘freedom!’ at a crowded Obama rally. We consider this sort of offensive language a direct threat to civil order in general and the President in particular, and it will not be tolerated.”
