Hell in a hand basket. A pretty pink hand basket.

You’ve seen the picture of Jesse Thornhill, haven’t you? You know, the guy that tried to run over his landlord in Tulsa?

Some picked up on this passage from the story:

Tulsa Police say 28-year-old Jesse Thornhill tried to run down his landlord in his ’96 Ford Windstar van Tuesday evening in the 1200 block of South Delaware Place.

Yes, he was driving a 1996 Windstar.

But that, I can understand. You have to make the most with what you have. He had a Windstar and a landlord that needed running over. What else do you do? Run over your landlord with your Windstar, of course. It’s not like he had a fleet of other vehicles. Or, if he did, a Windstar is a better choice than a smart car.

A Windstar has many useful features. He could use it for moving bodies, or several body parts. He could transport several other tattooed freaks to the Dairy Queen or to the nearest altar in the woods. You want to make fun of the Windstar, but there could be legitimate uses for a Windstar.

What I don’t understand, though, is the pink shirt.

Having a single vehicle and that vehicle being a ’96 Windstar is reasonable.

But, seriously? A pink shirt? He didn’t have any other shirt? And why would he have a pink shirt?

Maybe my prejudice is showing. I don’t own a pink shirt. I supported Goldwater in 1964, and no one who supported Goldwater owns a pink shirt. I wasn’t old enough to vote for Goldwater, but still, I wanted those over 21 (18 in Georgia and Kentucky) to vote for Goldwater. And I didn’t own a pink shirt. Then or now.

How can anyone who looks like Jesse Thornhill expect to be taken seriously while wearing a pink shirt? The landlord wasn’t injured. Unless he pulled something while laughing at Jesse’s shirt.

I don’t know what this country is coming to. Sparkly vampires, pink-shirted demons, community organizers in the White House. It’s like Stephanie Meyer is writing the script. And if we don’t get our act together, in the future, people will be reading The Short Second Life of the United States (Obama Saga).

21 Comments

  1. The landlord should have seen this coming so it is partially his fault. I am pretty sure you can legally descriminate when reviewing housing applications from people with horns, at least until Eric Holder finds out.

  2. Oh Basil, Jesse Thornhill is waaay too much of a nonconformist to wear a black shirt like the military-industrial complex says he should. Who are we to judge – us, with our eyebrows made of eyebrows and our lack of horns and our pedestrian misunderstanding of whatever the deuce those stupid indentations on his head are!

  3. How did his landlord become his landlord? Is his landlord Satan? If not, one would imagine the interview would be designed to prevent disasters.

    “Hi, I’m Jesse Thornhill, I called about your special $10 per month roach infested apartment.”
    “Holy crap, what the?…”
    “Excuse me?”
    “Uh, that’ll be $200,000 up front. Right now.”
    “Oh.”

  4. You’ve seen the picture of Jesse Thornhill, haven’t you? You know, the guy that tried to run over his landlord in Tulsa?

    HA! A trick question. Windstar or not, if it wasn’t already reported here or in my copy of Windstar Monthly, I didn’t read it. That said, I think the pink shirt is just a cry for help.

  5. How does one even go about getting horns on his/her head? Tattoos are one thing, piercings understandable; heck, even those weird indentations in the side of his head can be explained (although not in polite company). But how the &#^% do you get horns on your head?

    [“How does one even go about getting horns on his/her head” you ask? Having an unfaithful spouse is the most common way. – B.]

  6. Okay forget the pink shirt. Is anyone else tempted to try and throw rings at his head/over the horns? It could be like bags or lawn darts. We could put this guy in someone’s back yard, all come over, and throw rings over the horns.

  7. Hey! It’s obvious! Jesse is pining for a Nuke the Moon T-shirt. Hey, Jesse, you don’t need to run over your landlord to get a Nuke the Moon T-shirt. I’m not quite sure what you actually have to do to get one, but I don’t think it involves a moving Windstar and your landlord.

  8. You’re right, Basil. The pink shirt and Windstar are way, way over the top. Makes him look like some kind of a freak.

    I bet his mama HATES going to her family reunions:

    “Well, Emma, is Jesse still on his if you thought The Elephant Man and the Hellraiser dude looked freaky you ain’t seen nothing yet kick?”

    “I see Spawn of Satan made the reunion this year.”

    “Emma, can you at least get him to wear a burlap bag over his head? The children all ran away scared and are hiding in the woods after seeing him.”

    “You’re right! From a certain angle he does look like an Elvis demon!”

  9. This guy has a great future in left wing politics. He just needs to move from reactionary Tulsa to progressive San Francisco where he could be elected mayor on his looks alone…much less on his record of having tried to run over a fascist exploitive landlord. The fact that he drives a Windstar and wears pink shirts would just be frosting on the cake…hell he could even be governor.

  10. OK seriously, I’m really creeped out by the horns. I don’t care what color shirt he’s wearing or if he’s wearing any shirt at all. I’m all a wonder about those horns. Are they real? If so how did he get them, what plastic surgeon in his right mind (ok left mind obviously) would do such a thing. If he did them himself, dang, how he DO that.

    As for running over his landlord, if you’re stupid enough to rent from some guy channeling Satan I’d think watching your back would be your first priority. That an a very large semi automatic weapon with silver bullets and a cross bow that shoots stakes. Just sayin’ ……………..

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