Archive of entries posted on 14th July 2010

lolbama! Part 44

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This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.

From DamnCat:

From Jeff:

From Kris:

From Kris:

[reference link – not even remotely safe for work]

From Kris:

From Kris:

My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From a guy named rob:

From acrazymic:

From Brian:

From Charon of Stygian Chains:

From Jason:

[reference link]

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Mark:

[reference link]

From Peregrine John:

[reference link]

From Travelwise42:

[reference link]

This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

Taliban Training Monkeys

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Are the Taliban training monkeys to use guns and fight our troops? That’s what a Chinese newspaper claims, and I expect a Chinese newspaper to be somewhere between the New York Times and a North Korean daily in just making stuff up. Still, we have to consider the possibility, because this is definitely the sort of thing that leads to Planet of the Apes. But I just can’t see monkeys going on a religious jihad. As soon as the monkeys got guns, they’d just point them at the Taliban and say, “Hey, Taliban; tally me banana!” (except it would be in monkey language). And the Taliban would be like, “Infidels!” which is what they’re always shouting. And then later there would mysteriously be a bunch of dead Taliban and the Taliban CSIs would come in and examine the bullet wounds and say, “From the trajectory of these wounds, it would appear something monkey-sized shot them. Plus, all the bananas are gone. I’m blaming… the jooooos!” And then U.S. would bomb them all.

Still, to be on the safe side, I hope our military are killing any monkeys they see. Of course, that should have already been their policy.

Science!: What’s Waiting to Kill Us All?

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There are a number of events that Science! says we need to be worried about in the future. For one, in five billion years the sun is supposed to enter a red giant phase and engulf the earth. Pretty bad, but that’s a long way off, so we can safely leave it as someone else’s problem.

Except we have an earlier problem. The Andromeda galaxy is on a collision course with the Milky Way. And when it collides, who knows what will happen to our solar system? And that’s in only 4.5 billion years by current estimates.

But we have other problems besides that to worry about, as before the sun enters its red giant phase, it is constantly burning off fuel and getting hotter. It’s getting so hot, in fact, that in around 500 million years the earth should be unlivable. Yeah, that’s right: Only 500 million years. That’s something we have to think about dealing with.

If we live that long.

Because now scientists say they’ve noticed a periodic extinction pattern. Every 27 million years, something just starts killing things right and left. And the next one occurs in only 16 million years. That’s cutting it close, but that gives us time to prepare, right? But here’s the problem: Scientists have no idea what causes it.

That’s right; no idea. Usually scientists would at least act like they figured it out and make a wild guess. But this one is too mysterious to even attempt an explanation. But if something is mysterious and murderous, that points to only one culprit:

Continue reading ‘Science!: What’s Waiting to Kill Us All?’ »

Is the Stimulus Working?

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According to a CBS poll, 56% think that the stimulus had no impact on the economy and 18% thinks it made it worse. So that’s 74% of Americans who think the nearly trillion dollars the Democrats spent either did nothing or made things worse. And if we were going to waste a trillion dollars on something that doesn’t work, couldn’t it have least been something cool like trying to build our own Death Star?

So anyway, bad news for Democrats as we near November that it looks like they totally wasted a trillion dollars, but Obama is of course going to argue that things would have been even worse if we hadn’t threw all that money down a hole. Of course, unemployment is now worse than his worse case estimates for what things would have been like without the stimulus, but he’s still saying it totally worked and we’d have like a million percent unemployment if it weren’t for him.

That makes me think of that one Simpsons episode where Lisa tries to explain specious reasoning to Homer by claiming a rock keeps away tigers. Except it’s even dumber in Obama’s case:

OBAMA: This rock keeps away tigers.

AMERICANS: Aieee! We just got attacked by tigers!

OBAMA: Well, think of how worse things would be without the rock! Anyway, that will be one trillion dollars for the rock.

Random Thoughts

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They should remake that movie where Mel Gibson can read the minds of women as a horror movie.

I’ve seen the iPad in 3 different comic books so far. Apparently, it’s just the device comic book characters were looking for. I guess the iPad is more convenient for “look at this thing on a computer screen” scenes than a laptop.

Now I have this image stuck in my head of Mel Gibson on Oprah jumping up and down on a couch yelling, “I’ll kill her!”

It’s good the NAACP finally came out against racism. Are they finally going to integrate other races into their leadership?

I don’t see why the NAACP can’t be open to anyone of any race who wants to be a ginormous tool for the Democrats.

So in current racism standards, does the NAACP consider the Tea Party better or worse than a Hallmark card that references black holes?

I guess it’s a civil rights triumph that the NAACP has been able to fade into irrelevancy.

One day, probably still in the distant future, it will be horrific to have any group that segregates itself by race.

Tea Parties have demonstrated they’ll support anyone of any race who supports their views. People who believe otherwise want to be ignorant.

First we find out Mel Gibson is racist and then Al Qaeda; can’t believe in anyone anymore.

Playing cards. Race cards.

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The circus was in the area this week. Oh, wait, it was just Al Sharpton. Different clown entirely.

How did Sharpton’s appearance work out? Great, as far as I’m concerned. His candidate lost.

Speaking of crazy racists calling other people racist…

The NAACP was visited by Michelle Obama, who said the group must “increase its intensity.” They did that by calling the TEA Party racist. They actually said “elements”were racist. And, of course, by elements, they mean “white people.”

Just who are these Colored People that National Association is looking to Advance? Of course, if they changed their name to the current “correct word/phrase” for blacks, they’d be the NAAAA. Which might not be a bad idea. Sounds like a bunch of sheep, mindlessly following their shepherd. Or Judas goat.

But maybe NAACP is right after all: National Association for the Advancement of Calumniation and Prevarication. Yeah, that fits.

Of course, all these lies and racism from the NAACP is beginning to confuse me. The NAACP is repeating lies about others and using race as a rallying point. Didn’t they also do that in the 1930s? Or was that NSDAP? It’s getting harder and harder to tell the difference.

Now, it seems that the TEA Party isn’t the only racist group. Al Qaeda is racist. This is after an attack in Africa. I suppose the blacks killed in the 9/11 attacks in the U.S. were simply killed because they were around a bunch of white people. Ditto for the blacks killed in the 7/7 attacks in the U.K.

Suddenly, Al Qaeda is racist. Does this mean that the administration will take the war on those terrorists seriously now? Or does it just mean that Eric Holder will sue Al Qaeda?

I’m hoping the former, since, in the left’s mind, this charge of Al Qaeda being racist makes them almost as dangerous as the TEA Party.