Are the Taliban training monkeys to use guns and fight our troops? That’s what a Chinese newspaper claims, and I expect a Chinese newspaper to be somewhere between the New York Times and a North Korean daily in just making stuff up. Still, we have to consider the possibility, because this is definitely the sort of thing that leads to Planet of the Apes. But I just can’t see monkeys going on a religious jihad. As soon as the monkeys got guns, they’d just point them at the Taliban and say, “Hey, Taliban; tally me banana!” (except it would be in monkey language). And the Taliban would be like, “Infidels!” which is what they’re always shouting. And then later there would mysteriously be a bunch of dead Taliban and the Taliban CSIs would come in and examine the bullet wounds and say, “From the trajectory of these wounds, it would appear something monkey-sized shot them. Plus, all the bananas are gone. I’m blaming… the jooooos!” And then U.S. would bomb them all.
Still, to be on the safe side, I hope our military are killing any monkeys they see. Of course, that should have already been their policy.
The part that bothers me is how did the Chinese find out about the monkeys we trained in Vietnam. That was Top Secret. One of the monkeys must have squealed.
It was all part of the escalation from guerrilla war to gorilla war.
More from this Chinese newspaper:
“Meow or Mao? Make sure your cat’s heart is in the right place.”
If I may take yours one further Marko. Remember that newsweek article about racist babies?
“Meow or Mao?” How to tell if your cat is a western sympathizer, news at mao:30 o’clock.
I read they were training them to shoot at people who look like Americans. Guess the US Army and Marine Corp will have to redesign their uniforms again. May I suggest the “killer monkey” theme?
I’m trying to imagine a monkey firing a combat rifle. I guess a 5.56 doesn’t have that much kick, but I shot my dad’s 12 guage when I was 11 years old and it just about knocked me on my arse. I can just picture a monkey pulling the trigger for a three round burst and heading at light speed toward the rear. But, I guess that if you have an infinite number of monkeys……..
If they were capable of training anyone in small arms use they wouldn’t have to strap on bombs to kill people.
Cat’s with hearts…you’re funny Marko
Muslim monkeys? What will they think of next? Does this mean female monkeys will have to wear veils and/or burqas, and if they refuse can they be stoned to death? What about the eating of bananas is that permitted under Islamic dietary laws? What about the fact that monkeys eschew the wearing of clothes? Are we looking at a new chapter in Islamic enlightenment….or what? And how come I haven’t seen anything about this on MSNBC…another news cover-up by the Progs?
Or we could just dress up the Taliban as chickens and turn this guy loose:
http://web.orange.co.uk/article/quirkies/Never_slaughter_a_chicken_in_front_of_a_monkey
Hey Frank you remember when you had that Monkey that posted here and told us all how we were “dumb neocon hillbilly jews” or something like that, His middle name wasn’t “Hussein” was it?
Get your paws off of me you d@amn dirty apes is now the new Marine Corps. battle cry.
Will we see the Iraqi town of Dung Flew on the evening news?
I don’t see why this seems so crazy. After all, Lance Link Secret Chimp was a pretty good spy.
Mad props for the “Tally me banana!”
I guess you could say…
*shades*
they never got that monkey off their back.
YEAHHHHHHHHH
Someday I am going to get a pet monkey and have it wear a Jedi robe around the house.
Typical journalists. they got the story backwards. The truth is that monkeys are now training the taliban. (Now I’m scared…think of Scary Evil Monkey)
Threat is serious:
Intercepted Taliban communication on Monkey army.
http://warintel.blogspot.com/2010/07/talibans-monkey-army-intercept.html
Gerald
Anthropologist
You’re laughing now, but a trained monkey with a bomb vest would be pretty hard to defend against. My guess is they’re running out of virgins, and this is a way around that. Or maybe they’re just running out of kids willing to blow themselves to smithereens, in which case there just might be hope.
I still say drop bundles of porn on them, then sit back and watch the fun as they scramble to denounce each other and send their own brothers to the executioner’s block. For added fun, we drop gay porn…
this sh*t is bananas
@Gerald Anthro
dawww isnt he cute plotting terrorism? hes just like real people!
Racist!