Archive of entries posted on 2nd July 2010

The new iPhone gets fixed by increasing suckage on the old iPhones

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That whole iPhone 4 signal issue? They figured out what the problem is. And, yes, there was a problem.

Turns out, though, that the problem isn’t with the iPhone 4. It’s with every iPhone before the iPhone 4.

“What the what?” you say…

Read what Apple now says:

Upon investigation, we were stunned to find that the formula we use to calculate how many bars of signal strength to display is totally wrong. Our formula, in many instances, mistakenly displays 2 more bars than it should for a given signal strength. For example, we sometimes display 4 bars when we should be displaying as few as 2 bars. Users observing a drop of several bars when they grip their iPhone in a certain way are most likely in an area with very weak signal strength, but they don’t know it because we are erroneously displaying 4 or 5 bars. Their big drop in bars is because their high bars were never real in the first place.

To fix this, we are adopting AT&T’s recently recommended formula for calculating how many bars to display for a given signal strength. The real signal strength remains the same, but the iPhone’s bars will report it far more accurately, providing users a much better indication of the reception they will get in a given area. We are also making bars 1, 2 and 3 a bit taller so they will be easier to see.

Steve Jobs first response was “Non issue. Just avoid holding it in that way.” Really. Then, Apple admitted there was an issue.

Now, it’s not an issue again. Not with the iPhone 4, anyway. Just with every iPhone ever sold before the iPhone 4.

Apple is saying that their phones sucked all along. Now, they’re fixing the software on their phones so you can tell just how bad they suck.

Boy, I can’t wait for the iPhone to come to Verizon. Then, I’ll be able to unload my BlackBerry and get a phone that sucks, too.

Giving the Dog a Bone

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A new post has appeared over at America is an Obamanation! from our good friend, Former Vice-President Al Gore, which I would like to share with all of you here as well…

Greetings, my fellow Americans. As you have doubtlessly heard by now, my wife Tipper and I have decided to separate after 40 years of marriage. While understandably sad at this development, I also see it as an opportunity to explore a whole new world that I could not have freely explored before.

For one thing, I decided to get myself a new makeover! The trouble is, I have had it done several times already, but just can’t decide which new look is best for me. So, I have decided to leave it up to you, my loyal subjects.

Please indicate in the comments which of my fabulous new hair-dos best reveals the real me, you know… the one that will have all the ladies just begging to release my second chakra!

Hugs and kisses,
Al

The classic:

The come-hither:

The off-the-leash look:

I Love It When a Plan Comes Together

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Love at first sight — it always seemed a silly notion to me until it happened.

It was more than six years ago that I had the T-Shirt Babe contest for IMAO. I had been thinking about it for a while as a way to help sell t-shirts and, more importantly, find out if I had any attractive readers, but I was pretty hesitant about it because I knew it could have been a huge disaster. What if no one entered — or only horrible candidates? But eventually I got over the idea of possibly looking foolish and took a risk.

And no one entered. At least in the first week, and I was panicking. My blog would be a mockery; everyone would laugh at me and my blog… which is like a million times worse than people laughing with my blog at others. But as the deadline came near, eventually numerous entries started coming in — all of them great entries.

And then I saw her. SarahK. And as far as I was concerned, the contest was over. There was our winner. There was the female face that best represented my blog. It was love at first sight.

Unfortunately, I had set it up so there were eight other guest judges, all with the same weight as my vote. They would pick five ranked choices, with their first choice getting five points down to the fifth choice getting one point. And as the judges sent in their votes, I realized she wasn’t the clear cut winner to the other judges like Harvey, John Hawkins, and the Puppy Blender because they were stupid, I guess. What I hadn’t thought of doing, though, was to have a third party count the votes and declare the winner.

Now wouldn’t it be a neat twist to reveal now — more than six years later — that I rigged the vote so SarahK won?

It would be, except I didn’t. She won fair and square. By one point. If she had lost, I don’t know what I would have done. It’s not that the second place winner was bad — it’s just she wasn’t SarahK so she was no one to me.

After she won, SarahK and I got to talking — and she was single and thought I was cool and stuff. And eventually she invited me to go hike the Grand Canyon with her. This was another thing I knew could be a big disaster. Not only had I not hiked or camped since I was a little kid, but I am not a very social person. I have a lot of anxieties and things that had sometimes made social interactions a hard thing for me. I worried that it would be a very terrible, awkward couple of days stuck with someone who would soon be fed up with me. My instant response was “no”, but somehow I pushed myself, and I agreed. And it was one of the greatest things in my life. I can’t even describe it. And the Grand Canyon was neat too.

So, I had a t-shirt babe contest thinking maybe I could meet a cute girl who liked my blog, and here I am now married to SarahK and about to be a father. It’s a fairy tale. Never in my life will another plan come together as well as that one. I am just unbelievably blessed.

I’ve heard it said that the command by God that is most often ignored is, “Be not afraid.” It’s a tough one we deal with constantly, but the greatest things in life will be done by overcoming your fears. So take a risk now and then and don’t worry about looking like a fool. If you can do that, who knows what you can do?

But you’ll still never be as awesome as me. Sorry.

Frank Responds to More Spam Comments

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Here are some more spam comments I’ve gotten. They always come with a link to some weird site, which is the point of flooding blogs with them, but I think the important thing is the message behind them:

Tremendous blog post bro. This important is just a incredibly nicely structured posting, just the wise information I was looking to find. I am truly thankful

Thank you! How I structures posts is what I work hard at because of the importance. I am glad you appreciate this thing.

I truly enjoyed reading your blog. It was well written and simple to undertand. Unlike additional blogs I have read. I also found it very interesting. Actually after reading, I had to go show the spouse and she ejoyed it as well!

I try to make my blog simple enough that even a spouse can understand it. That’s my policy here. I hope you continue to eJoy!

Howdy, This is a truly cinematic blog, and Allow me to agree with what was penned here. I will be back to check out the comments soon. Thanks

Howdy to you as well, pardner! But I have bad news: I cannot allow you to agree with what was penned here. I know that’s not very cinematic of me, but it’s just the way things are. I am sorry.

Hi,I am visitor from Google,my name is James White.I am agree with your point of your article.I think you must be very professional in this field and your view so clear.So helpfully!

Hello visitor from Google! It is good with having you here! I am a professional, and it is my professionalism that keeps my view clear. Once I was not professional — I was n00b — and then my view was not clear. I was constantly walking into lampposts. That was not helpfully.

Hm, brilliant article. Do you provide any kind of rating system because I am unable to locate it.
Kind Regards
Roy Sarmiento

You mean the thing with the stars you can click under every post on IMAO? No, sorry.

Read a blog at night. In this post, let me fascinated … writings of great landlord.

Dude, I’ve been blogging here nearly eight years now, and finally someone starts making some sense. Have a super happy lucky fun day number one and be honorable, ronin, or you shall taste the wrath of the great landlord!

Random Thoughts

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So how long until Obama is saying, “At least unemployment isn’t 110%”?

I would refuse to be rescued by any superhero not wearing pants.

Do you think the change in quality of M. Night Shyamalan’s movies over time is enough for a doctor to recommend he get a CAT scan?

CAT scans would be freaky if they actually were a cat staring at you. That always creeps me out.

I would just like to be the first to say, “Boo British Spider-Man!”

“You’re not supposed to give the baby weed!”
“But she’s in a ‘high’ chair.”

It’s all so clear to me now

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Thanks, Nancy Pelosi.

Without her brilliance, I would be a simple conservative Neanderthal that thought that more people getting unemployment meant that more jobs were being lost.

Silly me. And you, if you thought the same way.

Turns out that, according to Pelosi, when more people are paid unemployment, that means more jobs are being created, not lost:


[Direct link]

Now, don’t you feel silly?

This new awareness got me to thinking. If more people getting unemployment checks means that more jobs are being created, what else having I been wrong about?

I’ve compiled a partial list:

  • Rain falling from the sky means we’re in a drought.
  • People flying planes into our buildings means that we are evil.
  • Water flows uphill.
  • You can get out of debt by borrowing more money to spend.
  • Record snowfall means it’s hotter.
  • All your base are belong to us.
  • You can secure the borders by leaving them wide open.
  • You can lose weight by eating more and exercising less.
  • Government money is really free money that doesn’t cost anyone anything.
  • Resistance is futile.
  • Cats are not evil.

I wonder what other lessons are there for me to still learn?

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