Hello, Aquafans!

As you may have heard, Wonder Woman is going to start wearing pants.

Finally.

Do you know what was the first thing I said to Wonder Woman upon meeting her? “Where’s your pants?” I thought perhaps the first case for the Justice League was going up against some villainous pants-stealers. I’m sorry, but fighting evil requires pants. That’s just a basic fact. And as a superhero, if you ever get seen without pants, expect to end up in a tabloid. Really, I wonder who gave Wonder Woman the idea that she could get any respect running around in a bathing suit. She should have changed her name to “Not Much Left to Wonder About Woman.” I guess growing up surrounded by Amazons gave her daddy issues.

And while we’re finally changing things that were a long time coming, Clark Kent’s disguise of just taking off his glasses — come on. Who is that possibly fooling? And why is he still working at a newspaper? Superman might as well have his day job be that he’s a blacksmith. Plus, if you have God-like powers, why would anyone be a journalist? Do stuff; don’t write about other people doing stuff.

And Batman, how about a mask that covers your entire face if you think hiding your identity is so important. “Hmm, I wonder if Batman, who has all these expensive gadgets, could be the eccentric billionaire who lives nearby and HAS THE EXACT SAME CHIN.” I don’t bother to hide my identity because I don’t have anything to hide (oh, if Black Manta is reading this, please don’t murder my family), but if I did, I wouldn’t half-ass it. Oh, and Batman, what’s with the patrolling the streets of Gotham and hanging out with the Justice League? One day you’re beating up muggers and the next you’re fighting aliens. PICK A VILLAINY GENRE! You don’t see me fighting the Ocean Master one day and the next day handing out parking tickets.

I swear, every other superhero than me is stupid. And they also can’t talk to fish.