Today is July 5th, the day we celebrate the day after signing the Declaration of Independence. That’s when the Founding Fathers were all like, “What did we just do? What did we just do? How drunk were we? The British are so going to kill all of us. They are going to come over here in red coats and shoot us with muskets!”
And another was like, “Maybe it’s not too late. Maybe we can take it back and… Oh no! The mailman already came! That letter is going to King George, and he is going to capture us all and throw us in a pit filled with angry baboons. I just know it!”
And John Hancock was like, “Why did I have to sign it so big? I just wanted to show my wife I’m a big man. They’re going to hang me while shooting me with muskets. I’m going to go dig a hole and hide in it.”
And George Washington was like, “You idiots! Another fine mess you’ve gotten me into. Guess there’s nothing left to do except beat the British militarily and form our own country. Anyone have like a For Dummies book on military tactics or something?”
And that’s the story of our country.