So right now, Obama isn’t exactly helping the Democrats since he sucks and everyone knows it and he’s kinda got his suck all over his Party. So what to do? Well, I have a great idea to keep Obama from dragging down Democrats with him while also eventually raising his own popularity:
Obama should get himself trapped down a well.
You know, I really shouldn’t be giving away these ideas for free.
Anyway, this is a brilliant idea. Right now everyone hates Obama, but as soon as they hear he’s fallen down a well and is trapped down there and is scared and confused, people won’t be able to help but feel sorry for them. Now news coverage will be off of the horribly economy and instead focused on things like “How do we get the president out of the well?” and “How do we get food down to him?” and “How do we prevent other presidents from falling down wells?” And this whole time, Obama won’t be able to go around giving speeches reminded people what a failure he is. It really is the absolute best chance Democrats have, and I defy anyone to come up with a better idea for them. And once the midterm is over, Obama will finally be rescued from the well to worldwide applause with everyone saying what a brave little man he was. His approval ratings will have a huge spike.
Until he starts talking or trying to do stuff again.
I think you’re good right up until the “rescue from the well” thing. I think that is really the wrong play. If some miners can stay in a mine for a few months, surely we could have a president stuck in a well until after the ’12 elections. Win – Win.
We just need to add the part where he trips over a bucket and it gets tossed up in the air and lands on his head prior to him blindly walking across a field and THEN falling into the well.
We have to have the the camera they send down show him not only stuck in a well, but unable to remove the bucket too. That should get the sympathy needed. All the independents out there will rally behind the “bucket head guy”.
[CUE BUMPER GRAPHIC: “DAY 22: THE OBAMA WELL DISASTER (The other kind of well, we mean)”]
ANCHOR: Day 22 of the Obama Well Disaster. There’s no change in the situation, but we have full coverage of everything that is or is not going on at the moment. Lynn Ortega comes to us live from the Rose Garden, where the saga is playing out. Lynn?
Plus – Krusty the Clown, Sting, and a bunch of other celebrities will write songs about Sending our Love Down the Well and we’ll all have good positive feelings and everything.
And we’ve gotten rid of a bunch of the celebrities for awhile.
Off topic, but somehow still right for IMAO:
http://edition.cnn.com/2010/TECH/innovation/09/27/jellyfish.solar.power/index.html?hpt=C1
I wonder if Insty was in on this new technology? Maybe blending puppies wasn’t evil after all, since he was only doing his part for Science!
That’s too risky, Frank. What if someone looks for the well and finds it and pulls him out before our plan to install General James Mattoon Scott as President is carried through?
I think we should take “Obama” on a robot guided – We don’t want to waste any actual submariners – “tour” of an aging Los Angeles class submarine off the coast of Virginia. The submarine will “sink” with “Obama” “still inside” and we’ll get days, perhaps weeks of cool footage of divers pounding on the submarine’s hatches with sledgehammers.
The real Obama will be at Cheney’s old undisclosed location – wherever it is.
I’ve seen it in movies but isn’t there like a giant spinning deal that he can walk through and he will end up in another dimension? We could then nuke the giant spinning deal and then nobody would be able to find him…ever! And then he could go around and wreak havock in another dimension and hopefully it won’t be enough to alter the laws of time and space so we will all be safe and sound and happy and free!
ussjimmycarter, that would be called Farce Gate, and the beings on the other side would cross over and attack us with superior technology because we don”t have any because we were too busy buying welfare recipients crack instead of mounting missles on dinosaurs. Why would they attack us? If someone sent you Obama with a bucket on his head you would be mad, too.
Good idea, Frank, but to keep us safe we need to toss in Biden, Reid, and Pelosi. Call it the bucket brigade.
Two thoughts:
1) Please, oh please can we assign the same group of government and academic scientists that he used for the BP leak? Give ’em complete control over the rescue op, and Obama will be out by 20 October 2015.
B) Could we toss his teleprompter in after him and program it to make him say amusing things? It could be a reality show where people send in things for him to parrot while he’s down there. I’d submit something like, “You know the Republicans drove the slurpee truck into the ditch. Then, we’re down there trying to save the slurpees, and we’re getting blueberry and strawberry slurpee all over ourselves, and the Republicans are like, ‘Give us the slurpees,’ but you can’t have a slurpee unless you have a straw, and the Republicans threw all the straws off a cliff, so they want the slurpee truck back, but we’re not giving them the straws back [applause]”
While I like your plan, I think you’re a little misguided in thinking that the public would want to “rescue” him from the well. It’s more probable that most people would be using the same techniques tried at the bottom of the ocean to try to permanently seal the well.
Obama coming up out of a well sounds a bit too much like the 12th imam. Safer for all if he just stays down there.
Ok, then someone needs to hack into TOTUS and have Obama say stuff like “sure, you people in the media don’t know what it’s like to keep a brown man down!” “You know, all of you with your middle class up-bringing and all…you know who you are!” “Yea, that’s right, I’m talking about all the Joooooooooos that control the media and the banks and the major corporations!” “If we could just round them up and send them back where they came from…you know Germany and Poland for example…we would have a better America”…
Uh, dude, Obama fell into a well about 11 months ago, and they have been trying to figure out how to rescue him ever since. And the news has been all about how to get him out of there, and how they’ve all been cheering for him and all, and how he needs our support to keep his spirits up.
And, no, we haven’t felt particularly sorry for him about it.
So if that one is in a well, will teleprompter defect to be mayor of chicago?
If that one is in a well, who will toss out the first bal … Sorry laughing way to hard to finish that one.
If that one is in a well who will keep an eye on Sasquatch? or the duffus who is v.p.? or the troll that is going to be mayor of chicaaaago.
If that one is in a well, what is to keep America from prospering and becoming a great nation again?
If that one is in a well doesn’t the well become a defacto urinal?
Whoa there everybody, there is a BIG problem with this. Remember that the presidential succession plan kicks in not only if the president is killed, but also if he is incapacitated.
As bad as Obama is NO ONE in their right mind wants to do anything that could result in President Biden.
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