Liberals have a great idea: Let’s take children’s toys and destroy them in front of them!

You know how conservatives tried that “compassionate conservatism” thing? With liberals and their over the top hatred for people who disagree with them like Sarah Palin and Tea Partiers, they’re desire to kill inconvenient babies, and how they like to take Happy Meals from children and now smash toys in front of them, do you think liberals will ever try out “compassionate liberalism”?

Yeah, I know: “Shut up, wingnut!”

Hey, I got something compassionate right here for your dumb monkey face!

Janet Napolitano says the Department of Homeland Security is “working 24/7, 364 days a year to keep the American people safe.”

BTW, Palin is stupid.

So what is Homeland Security doing that one day a year they aren’t working to keep Americans safe? Here are some possibilities:

WHAT HOMELAND SECURITY DOES ON ITS DAY OFF

* Design elaborate death traps for Americans like in Saw.

* Groping practice.

* Work on a virulent superbug that could wipe out humanity.

* Help out terrorists to give them more challenge for the next year.

* Hold an office building hostage while they steal bearer bonds.

* Use all the personal information they’ve collected on Americans to do prank calls.

* Murder hobos.

* Rig Dancing with the Stars voting.

* Cause extremely hard to stop oil spills.

* Work to make sure Obama gets reelected.

Here’s the Jib Jab year in review:

Wasn’t exactly a great year to start this decade. As a kid, I would have thought in 2010 we’d have bases on Mars, flying cars, and rocket boots, but instead even stopping an oil spill is too big a technological challenge. But we do have the iPad, which is pretty nifty.

I know some people are starting to worry that America’s awesome days are over, that will never be like the 80s again, but we got through the dark days of the 70s and we can do it again. Just we have a few players on the field who should be on the sidelines, but that’s not forever. In the new year, let’s work solely on awesomeness.

I can’t think of anything to blog. A few things did happen in politics over the weekend, though, such as the tax bill passing, the DADT repeal passing, and DREAM act failing, but I don’t really have anything new to say about any of that. It was a bit fun, though, seeing the left screeching about the tax bill and no one caring (more Democrats in the House voted for it than Republicans).

Yeah, I’m looking at the news and I just can’t come up with anything. Usually I can force myself at least two topics a day, but nothing right now. Maybe I’m burnt out and ready for Christmas. Anyway, I’ll try again tomorrow. In the meantime, you can comment on any topic you’d like me to talk about.

And I’ll end with this:

Whatever happened to Herbert Powell from The Simpsons? That was Homer’s half-brother voiced by Danny DeVito from a second season episode who owned an auto company and then Homer ruined him. In the third season, Homer helped him become rich again… and we haven’t seen him since. That’s around eighteen or nineteen years missing.

According to the annual right-wing blog awards at Right Wing News, IMAO is still the 2nd funniest right-wing blog despite my subpar blogging… probably because right-wingers aren’t that funny. I mean, what kind of things do dim-witted prudes like us laugh at? I guess poor people falling down.

Heh. Poor people falling down.

Anyway, according to voting I’m not even close to as funny as Iowahawk, but I am funnier than Ace and his crazed Ewok. Strangely, Jim Treacher didn’t even get a mention; maybe he needs a humorous catch phrase so people know he’s joking. “Wokka wokka!”

Also, Allahpundit was named 4th most annoying right of center blogger, but I like how annoying he is. Someone has to dampen enthusiasm and keep everyone in reality… you just can’t be too mindless about it or you end up as Frum. Then you might as well just die.

A mother is suing McDonald’s for making her kids want to eat there — and apparently she’s a horrible mother and they’re the boss or something. If she wins, I assume the kids will force her to spend all the money on toys. And when the kids are older, they’ll probably keep their mother’s corpse in the attic to keep collecting her social security. That’s what happens to bad mothers: corpse in the attic.

Anyway, this once again demonstrates the need for some remedial freedom as a disturbing number of people don’t seem to get the concept at all. Everyone in the country should have to attend, and if you fail you get fired out of a cannon so that you land in another country (or the ocean). I get to fire Bloomberg.

While I had the DC Trawler platform, I thought I should speak out on a certain issue.

Anyway, Treacher should be back soon with his new knee. It is the official position of IMAO that we wish him well.

House GOP may now require that any legislation specify where in the Constitution it’s authorized. This is will probably confuse Democrats as they thought they were just supposed to grab as much power as they can and try to get liberals in the courts to back them up. And some probably don’t even know the Constitution is an actual document and thought it was just a intangible concept like “humility” or something. I’m guessing, though, they’ll figure it out and just write, “The Commerce Clause” on everything they pass.

Still, maybe they’ll write something like, “This is justified by Article V, Section 2, which states, ‘Congress can pass any legislation if it’s to force lesser people to do what smart people in Congress believe is best.'” This would confirm our suspicions that maybe the Democrats have been using the wrong Constitution this whole time. Then we can give them the correct Constitution, have a good laugh, and then beat them up for good measure.

Crowder travels to Mexico, goes to a green conference, and dances the Charleston for his new video:

It’s not that environmentalist want to kill people, it’s that they don’t care if they kill people. And some of them want to kill people.

John Hawkins of Right Wing News has his list of top 40 blogs, and IMAO goes to eleven. I feel like my own blogging has been slipping a little bit, which is just an issue of how much time I have to devote to blogging. That’s why I like doing the occasional PJM column to set some time aside to really expand a thought. Still, I’ve been putting up posts every weekday for a long time now, and I think I deserve my accolades.

But 40 blogs — that’s a lot. I tend to only have time to visit a couple blogs each day and then visit a few links through the Twitters. How many blogs do you guys read?

I’m sorry I feel the need to say this, but I am against men crying.

Now we’re going to have a new Speaker of the House who loves weeping uncontrollably. And then there’s Glenn Beck who can’t tell us some new fact about the Founding Fathers he just read off of Wikipedia without breaking down crying. Interestingly, I can’t think of an example of a liberal who cries all of the time; I’m guessing because they’re well aware of the sissy label and knows we’d make fun of them mercilessly if they did it. And we would.

“But you shouldn’t be afraid to share your emotions!” I hear someone to say, to which I respond, “Quiet, woman!” Emotions are a breakdown of your ability to remain rational. It’s not something to share, especially not with strangers. And crying is where emotions take over your face and causes your eyes to leak. It’s weird and causes everyone around you to be uncomfortable. You want to avoid it when possible and definitely not share it. First off, men should not be having lots of emotions. But if they do have emotions and you feel them taking over your face, stop them. Maybe punch something. If you can’t stop them and your face start leaking, excuse yourself. Don’t let others see that.

If you want to be a conservative, you can’t be an emotional tub of goo drenched in your own tears. I thought that was pretty basic, but I guess it needs to be said. Crying is not part of being awesome.

I have a new column at Pajamas Media where I propose an alternative to freedom since I think we’re kinda done with that.