David Axelrod said that it’s still cool to be an Obama supporter.
King of cool.
So what could be cooler than still being mindlessly devoted to Obama even after he’s proven how completely useless and incompetent he is? I don’t know; tough question. Here’s what I came up with:
THINGS COOLER THAN BEING AN OBAMA SUPPORTER
* Abe Vigoda
* The kid in class who eats glue
* Steve Urkel
* Steve Urkel impersonators (with the exception of Obama)
* People enthusiastic for new Michael Bay movies
* Hoarders
* People who have memorized every line from Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail
* Sparkling vampires
* LARPers
* Clamshell packaging [That was unfair. -Ed.]
* Crazy cat ladies
* Fans of The View
* Bronies
* Professional competitive Magic the Gathering players
* Your grandma
* Joe Biden
* Aquaman
* A Jimmy Carter supporter
What do you think is more cool than being an Obama supporter? Put your answer in the comments and the best one wins…
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HIGH PRAISE!
Private John Wesley Culp, a native of Pennsylvanian who served in the Confederate Army of Northern Virginia and was killed on his uncle’s farm in Gettysburg. While I must regretfully consider Culp a traitor to his state and country by taking up arms against his native land, he, like 99% of Confederates, did not commit this act out of malice or hatred. This is more than I can say for some people.
Finding Waldo
* A 1987 Chrysler Lebaron
* JarJar Binks
* Amish Couture
* Taking your Mom to prom.
* Jorts
* Posting ‘First’
Getting hair plugs.
Buying a GM car.
Being first in line for “Deathly Hallows, Part 2” wearing my cape, glasses and scar, and carrying my wand! (I’m posting this from my tent.)
Being someone who still believes David Axelrod.
Being John Huntsman (aka, the president of the Re-elect Barack Obama 2012 campaign).
-fanny packs
-my 2001 Chrysler Town and Country
-cassette tapes
-mullets
-a camo University of Nebraska hat
bell-bottom pants
mullet haircuts
double-knit polyester pants
being a calculus geek
slide rules
living in Iowa
being a fan of the Cleveland Indians, Detroit Lions, or Buffalo Bills
owning a complete collection of Mitch Ryder recordings
knowing who Mitch Ryder is
playing the theorbo
knowing what a theorbo is
spaghetti-os
AquamanThe WondertwinsScrappyDoo
Lebron James jerseys at a Cavaliers game
The DailyKos
Janet Reno pole dancing
* Someone who’s memorized the outcome of a D12 roll.
* Ford Pintos
* Grown men who dress like Harry Potter for Holloween
* Grown men who dress like Harry Potter when it’s not Holloween
* DamnCat
* Dennis Kucinich
* Prison inmates with “Kiss me I’m Irish” tattoos
Things that are cooler than supporting Obama:
Being Rick Rolled for the 3rd time today.
Being Rick Rolled for the 3rd time from the same link today.
Polio
Driving a Yugo
The song “All out of love” by Air Supply
An Englishman’s teeth (actually tooth)
Kissing Lindsay Lohan
Wearing a t-shirt that says, “I’m cool”
Having a tattoo on your forehead that says, “I’m cool”
A solar flare
* David Axelrod’s mustache
Clearing a round that failed to fire then walking around with it in your front pocket.
Being able to speak Klingon
Belly button lint
James Earl Carter, Jr.
Mom jeans
Twitter
France
* A GoLyteLy martini
* Snur
* Following Anthony Weiner on Twitter prior to May 27, 2011
(note – props for the MTG refrence)
* Your grandma
Frank, my dead grandma’s bones are cooler than Barack Obama.
.
Anthony Wiener’s jock strap!
Hillary’s ankles
Michelle Obama’s ass
A free night at Barney Frank’s pad!
Having your wisdom teeth pulled, with no pain killers, out through your ass!
The leading GOP candidate who supports Global Warming, Health Care, was for abortion before he was against it and thinks TARP was a good idea!
* Vuvuzelas
* Polka Music
* Cousin Oliver
*Pokemon
*Owning every Pokemon card
*Bragging you own every Pokemon card
*Owning and wearing a set of Spock ears
More cool? Correcting movie titles in comments. (“Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail?” What the heck is that. It’s Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Were you thinking of Star Trek III: The Search For Spock?”)
Painful rectal itch.
A purple Swatch watch.
Commercial free Hee-Haw marathon.
First off – “People who have memorized every line from Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail” – I’m offended.
* Sandals and socks.
* 40 year old man at a Justin Bieber concert.
* Bachelor party in the church basement.
* John Keynes Rules!! T-Shirts.
* Correcting grammar on Internet forums.
* Pets dressed up like people.
Getting drunk on Zima!
Sporks
Bill Clinton’s Medicine Cabinet
Hockey in June
Spaghetti in a can
Stephan Ur’quel
Bill Gather Homecoming videos
IMAO posters
phlegm
* Little sister wearing big brother’s hand-me-downs.
* Little brother wearing big sisters’s hand-me-downs.
* A wood-paneled station wagon.
* States without a CCW laws.
* Being a Bears fan.
* Coding VB6 on Windows ME
* COEXIST bumper stickers
* Trolls
* Following Anthony Weiner on teh Twitter
* Having Anthony Weiner follow YOU on teh Twitter
@ Ghengis: Taking your mom, janet reno to prom. FIFY
Neked picture of you and janet reno at prom
Taking tony weiner to prom
Twittering about taking tony weiner to prom
Discovering Sasquatch
Driving a smart car
Henry Waxman’s athletic supporter
* Bringing a knife to a gun fight
* Any member of the Brigham Young University Math Team
* Cooties
Opening for Junk Musket
Rectal bleeding
ChipotlAway
Waking up nude and worn from a drunken haze… next to your mom
pulling a hangnail all the way up to your arm pit
skidmarks
Sharting in the pool
White hot poker to the eye
sliding down a giant razor blade into a pool filled with lemon juice
That kid in 3rd period who played with his boner during class
mock turtle-necks
Deer vaginas
* Unions
* Moving into your Mom’s basement.
* Camping out to buy the latest Apple product.
Douche bag.
Not the metaphorical one. The actual one that used to hang in the shower looking like some canister version of a watering can.
Cool.
The reverse Shop-Vac, if you will.
David Axelrod’s fingers. Look at that picture! Dude. Where have those digits been?
*Knights who say Ni.
*Knights who, ’til recently, said Ni.
*Shrubbers.
*Tim the Enchanter.
*Residents of Castle Anthrax.
*Taunting Frenchmen and their bovine catapults.
*Three-headed giants with bad breath.
*Witches.
*More witches.
*European swallows.
*African swallows.
*Swallows gripping coconuts by the husk.
*Killer rabbits with sharp, pointy, nasty teeth.
*Princess Lucky’s huge …. tracts of land.
Tommy the Towelhead:
You forgot about Sir Not-appearing-in-this-film. Way cooler than Obama.
I also forgot Mexican whooping llamas.
tomato sammiches! come to think of it, tomato sammiches are cooler than most anything.
wait, i thought obama WAS Urkel! dang it!
hemorrhoids
Why did you take clamshell packaging out? I hate that stuff. And it’s still cooler than Obama.
Janet Reno pole dancing
Arrrggghhh …thanks alot Brian.
Teaching Ryan Dunn to count to 130 in Japanese when he could blow an easy ichi.roku on a breathalyzer.
Saturday Night Live.
How low is that?
Nero fiddling while Rome burns is cooler than Obama
Just finished reading all of the comments.
There are a lot of really sick people that comment here at IMAO.
I was going to say that kidney stones are way cooler than Obama but compared to what has been written already – it seems kinda lame. Unless you’ve had a kidney stone. Then you can see the humor in it.
Miss Piggy
Homer Simpson
Donald Duck
Your local chimney sweeper
Hazardous Waste Cleaners and
Candlestick Makers
Living in a world where prunes are the only food and Kayopectate has been outlawed (when Kayopectate is outlawed, only outlaws will have Kayopectate).
Granny panties.
Frogger.
abe vigoda is the billy bad ass of old men.
abe vigoda makes being an old man cool.
I want to be abe vigoda when Im an old man…. or jack lalane….
or david haselhoff in an 80’s black and gold trans am….
or an 80’s trans am. yeah thats what I want to be, a sentient 80’s trans am with a computerized brain and abe vigodas voice.
People who follow Rachael Maddow’s tweets
Rabid peace protesters who gave up protesting in January ’08
Lawyers
Franklin D. Roosevelt (tossup?)
The real question – How on Earth did David Axelrod become an arbiter of cool? Look at him. Not just this picture – look at one where he’s standing, maybe around normal people. He’s not cool. If he tried to sit at the cool kids’ table, he’d get beaten. His head’s been in every toilet in the Chicago City Hall and the Illinois Capitol.
…oh, and scabies
*Night Court in its Fifth Season.
*Dotting your “i”s with hearts.
*Decoupage.
*Macrame sandals.
*Chinese Crested dogs.
I’m shooting for “Abe Atlas”: Defiantly crabby AND still pumps iron. Don’t know if that’s cooler than being an O-man, though.
* Mariachi groupies
* Back fat
* Richard Simmons
* Sharts
* Juggalos
Admiring Islamic Rage Boy when you realize he is actually demanding free morning after pills for all Middle Eastern goats.
Chiggers!
Nice glass of water,
It refreshes and cools.
Also some grass sod.
PEOPLE OF WAL MART
Uncle-daddies
Cheetos stains in your underwear
scab eating
reversable toilet paper
pet rocks
chia pets (even the ones of Obama)
that fleshy patch where your nuts used to be
Accordians
Morton Downey, Jr.’s serious talk show
The second Darren Stevens
Milli Vanilli
NKOTBSB
Perhaps a liberal thats 50 yrs old, balding, with a pony tail and still not potty trained?
Impetigo ( http://www.thefreedictionary.com/Impetigo )
A ruined Slinky
Helen Thomas’s bedazzled vajayjay
Hymie from Get Smart
A Wet Fart
Man Thongs
That guy in the car next to you picking his nose.
HA, Gipper – Casanova Frankenstein, nice
up-down-up-down-left-right-left-right
Michelle Obama’s armflaps
Ron Paul supporters
WAYYYYYYY cooler than Barack Obama:
Pocket Protectors.
Slide rules.
Eating your own boogers.
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial video game cartridges for the Atari 2600 system.
Star Trek conventions.
The AMC Pacer.
A Chrysler K-Car.
Beta-Max.
Checkered Golf Pants with White Shoes.
Manimal!
Barry Manilow.
Anthony Michael Hall.
The Popeil Pocket Fisherman.
K-Tel presents 25 Polka Greats!
RACIST! The proper term is “chegros”* or the more PC “Trombiculidae Americans!”
* And before anyone get’s their
pantiesUnderclothing Americans in a wad, that gag was told to me by an African American who considered himself an American who happened to be Black.Penultimatum,
Of COURSE David Axelrod is cool! Didn’t you notice the “Jazz Hands” thing he’s doing?
I’m being moderated??? Harumph!
Knee high tube socks; the ones with the colored stripes around the top
Even cancer is cooler than The Man of Mystery Who Has No History.
Two broken arms while you’ve got poison ivy?
Breaking out with hives on your first date?
Drinking your ticket home money at a Nogales Mexico bar?
The Ed Sullivan show?
Your first fingerpainting?
Four ply toilet tissue?
weatboro baptist church people.
oops. westboro. see? cooler.
What’s up with all the Michael Bay hate? I love you Micheal…call me!!!
Vanilla Ice Rebecca Black’s Friday song Milli Vanilli
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What’s cooler than being an Obama supporter? Spending a month in a deep freeze.