SAN FRANCISCO (AP) – Breaking with the tradition of numbering its new device releases, Apple has christened its latest version of the iPad the “iBama,” hoping to tie its launch to the enthusiasm and optimism of the President’s reelection campaign.
Apple CEO Tim Cook bubbled with excitement as he described some of the new features of his company’s product.
The new iBama comes with a handy Geography app listing the locations and capitals of all 57 states.
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“The display is awesome,” he said, “the iBama comes alive with millions of diverse colors, because – thanks to our diligent efforts – it now has the most transparent screen ever.”
“We’ve also made the screen stronger. Unlike other Apple products, the iBama will be able to fall up to 30 millimeters with only minor shattering, as long as it lands on something soft, like a pillow or a particularly fluffy Pomeranian.”
Cook said people would be especially passionate about the upgrade to 4G wireless capability, and guaranteed users would get “a thrill going up their leg.”
“No more dropped connections, no more stuttering video,” Cook effervesced. “You’ll get strong clear, reception anywhere you travel, whether it’s Martha’s Vineyard, Vail, Hawaii, Spain, Rio, or even your local Ray’s Hell Burger.”
Although currently only available for pre-order, with a scheduled release date of March 16th, the iBama is already garnering positive attention world-wide. The clean, articulate device was recently listed among the 231 nominees under consideration by the 2012 Nobel Peace Prize jury. Cook was guardedly hopeful of getting the nod.
“Even though the iBama is barely out of the gate and hasn’t ACTUALLY accomplished anything yet,” said Cook,” it’s a heavy favorite to win. It has star power, name recognition, and just by its very existence in a country with a sad history of violent keyboardism, it offers the world the promise of a better, more peaceful tomorrow.”
Although some documentation, such as its original, long-form Certificate of Authenticity and the test results from various universities’ performance evaluations, will not be included with the iBama, Mr. Cook airily dismissed concerns over the omission. He emphasized that the wondrous device should be “judged on performance, not rumors,” and reminded potential buyers they should instead focus on “the many positive reviews it’s received from all the major news networks, give or take one.”
He also noted that “people need to accept that its eco-friendly all-electric design really is the future of computing in America, despite some in the right-wing media having exaggerated the tendency of its batteries to burst into flame.”
, and the movie will be coming out Thursday this week. Over at PJ Media, 