[High Praise! to TBinSTL]
The thing about Rumford Meteor is that they write headlines that would make the guys at the Onion green with envy, but it just puts them on legitimate news stories instead of making stuff up and running with the satire.
So the stories aren’t worth reading unless you’re genuinely curious, but headlines like this are not to be missed:
* Organic Farmers Know That Consumers Don’t Mind A Little Listeria As Long As They Get It From Farmers Who Care
* Gender Studies Philosopher Thinking Of Enlisting OJ Simpson’s Help To Look For The Malicious Dastard That Keeps Lending Her Tuition Money
* Local Student Wonders When Machinist School Will Get Around To Exploring Sustainable Transgender Anarcho-Socialist Free-Range Machining
Generally updated several times daily, including weekends.
Taliban celebrates Obama visit…………… http://www.winnipegsun.com/2012/05/02/car-bomb-kills-6-after-obama-leaves-afghan-capital
Nice to hear from you, but then again, I’m in Rumford, and it’s nice to hear from anyone but revenuers. All we got is fleas, trees, and disease here. I thought Chairman iMao was that scrawny fellow with the turtlenecks and the fruitphones that don’t work north of Biddeford but he’s dead and you’re still typing so I guess I got my lines crossed somewheres.
It’s wicked pleasant of you to recommend our little paper to your friends, or to enemies you wish to enrage, as the case might be. I’ve also been told that some people simply hang a copy of The Meteor in their outhouse, but that practice has gone out of favor since we went all digital, because the pixels give some people a rash on their backside. I hold a patent on dust-free talcum powder, and I was hoping to make a killing selling it to people with rashy behinds, but most of my readers are Massh*les and sit down to pee and use the bubbler sort of toilet, male and female alike, so it looks like my kids will go unshod another year.
Now if you flatlanders ever find yourselves in the hammer lane goin’ north, take a left before you get to Bangor and come see me and I’ll buy you a Moxie and a red hot dog. Please notice I called you a flatlander, which is a person “from away” but not a bad sort, is what I mean. The rest of the Intertunnel is loaded with straphangers or a city pukes. I tell them to go to Bangor and stay there.
AC – What I wouldn’t give for you to start writing articles to go with those headlines. You’ve got quite a way of turning phrases.
Oh, and tangentially related, here’s Fun Facts About Maine:
http://www.imao.us/archives/004537.html
I don’t know, Harvey, Aubuchon’s headlines are so good and complete with creamy goodness, one can just skip the articles entirely!
I’m hoping he starts. Maybe I can learn how to spice up my Newsish Fakery some.
@Aubuchon Connery: I used to resent M_ssholes until I moved west, and encountered Californicators. It’s the only organism known to man that makes a M_sshole look good, with the possible exception of a hagfish.
Elle T. – I hate to play the civility card here, but I really think you crossed the line and owe hagfish an apology.
What’s a hagfish?
Short answer: ugly, slimy, eels.
Long answer here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hagfish
You’re right…they’re nasty.