Obama is trying to prove that Romney was secretly working at Bain from 1999 to 2002 — the evil years of Bain. What sort of evil did Bain do then? Things like:
* Outsourced jobs.
* Bought businesses and gutted them for profit.
* Supported companies that burned down rain forests.
* Had board room meetings where everyone smoked cigars, laughed, and tossed their money in the air.
* Had a profit making venture where people could pay a dollar to punch an orphan in the face.
* Had eight-martini lunches.
* Radiated squirrels and tried to get them to bite people to see if they could create a squirrel themed superhero.
* Dropped water balloons on the heads of homeless people hanging out below their office building.
* Hired Daniel Tosh to do comedy for a Kindergarten class.
* Polluted the river downstream from their pollutant factory which makes industrial-grade pollutants for polluting things.
* Is trying to perfect the t-Virus.
* Proved to children Santa isn’t made up by displaying his head on a pike.
All I get out of this though is that Romney once had an actual job and Obama never did.
You forgot:
* Was a community organizer for neighborhoods in Chicago and ended up funnelling the funds to croneys, getting a cut, and leaving those same neighborhoods in worse shape.
* Cut a deal with a local hospital to get his wife a $300K a year no-show job.
* Scored a sweet realestate deal with a convicted felon and purchased a home for 2/3 the going rate.
* Took money from working families and gave it to croney businessmen who in turn donated large to his campaign.
…what?…oh….nevermind.
* Were responsible for New Coke.
They created a squirrel super hero years ago. Secret Squirrel.
That was a super-squirrel. Bain was going for the unholy squirrel-man.
THINGS THAT OBAMA DID BETWEEN 1992 and 2002:
* Smoked choom
* Voted present in Illinois State Senate
* Had a second child, Qusay, in 2001 (older daughter Uday was born in 1998)
* Attended a racist church
* Lost a Democrat congressional primary race by a margin of two to one.
* Whined
* Plotted and schemed to someday “show them!”
Umm..that should be 1999 and 2002
Wouldn’t that be RON PAUL!!1!!?
Things that Romney/Bain did and why Obama’s actions are superior:
* Fired thousands of workers. On the other hand, Obama tanked the economy with millions laid off and blamed Bush. Obama has is priorities straight!
* Invented the dog car elevator and an improved car top kennel. On the other hand, Obama ate his dog. Eating is more important than traveling convenience.
* Cooked-up the idea of RomneyCare to sink Massachusetts. On the other hand, Obama passed Romobamacare to sink the United States. Obama thinks bigger – but thanks Romney!
* Flip-flopped on abortion. On the other hand, Obama supported infanticide in the Illinois legislature four times. Obama is dedicated to reducing over population and inconveniencing teenage girls!
Considering what happened in Florida and elsewhere, maybe they were actually successful in creating the t-virus.
Rumor has it Bain killed Bambi’s mother, or was that Dick Cheney?
Actually, Bain is blowing up Gotham City.
Romney drove a hummer those years, furthering global warming and his 1%’er plans to destroy Gaia and rule from the moon. After nuking the moon first, to be sure.
* created Ron Paul.
* built hangers for the Air Force.
* used homonyms to trick people.
* wrote Bain while thinking Bane.
There is a squirrel-themed superheroine, but she was a mutant, not the result of a Bain experiment.
As for the rest, well come on, who HASN’T paid a buck to punch an orphan? Picky picky picky.
From 1999 to 2002 Bain did some crazy stuff.
* Disorganized communities. (Mostly with Napalm)
* Let Halliburton have some of its ideas that were deemed not evil enough. So basically they were so evil they were outsourcing evil.
* Puppet shows.
* Planted a mole in the Olympics forcing it to make money like a filthy capitalist.
* Marketed pantsuits to Hilary.
* Stole the Ozone layer.
Also they,
* Put nipples on the Batman.
* Every time Bush lied they would hunt down and kill someone.
* Got Firefly cancelled.
* convinced Lucas that Jar-Jar Binks was a good idea.
* Successfully bred a Wookie-Klingon hybrid, wouldn’t let Moochelle hold the baby.
Killed dogs and ate them!!! Oh wait…
Burned so many $100 bills lighting fancy cigars he caused global warming!
* Bought sushi. Didn’t pay.
* Initiated energy saving plan by encouraging mass transit. Henceforth, dogs would be strapped to the top of buses and subway cars.
* Let air out of tires.
* Burned $100 bills. Did not purchase carbon offsets.
* Vacationed in
Martha’s Vineyard,Hawaii,Spain,the 4th at Bill Ayers House, Lake Winnipesaukee with family.* Hosted lavish dinners where the guests of honor were given forks and knives.
* Via numerous taxes, expenditures and investments, funded roads and bridges, teachers, fire departments, the Internet, and this unbelievable American system that now helps others accomplish what they did.
Off topic: We missed this gem from what Obama said about how small business owners don’t build businesses:
To make money off of? The Internet spawned from a DARPA project to provide military facilities with secure and failsafe wire communications between facilities. Correct me if I’m wrong, but the World Wide Web was conceived by a Brit.
Then again, mebbe Obama is right. After all, porn was the only thing making money on the Internet during much of the dotcom bubble. Sounds like a Clinton era government operation invented by Al Gore, no?
Ahhhh, sorry guys, I used the pron word. Please moderate.
misspelled it too Burma. It’s prawn.
* Outsourced telephone help center jobs to unemployed mimes.