Researchers confident corpse found under a parking lot was Richard III until it coughed and walked away and was Keith Richards.

— Sean Thomason (@TheThomason) February 4, 2013

The world will look up and shout “Save us!”… and I’ll look down and whisper “yolo.”

— Shari VanderWerf (@shariv67) February 4, 2013

my favorite part of “zero dark thirty” is when bin laden surgically switches faces with jessica chastain and she has to clear her name

— john freiler (@johnfreiler) February 4, 2013

An unkindness of ravens must look at a murder of crows and think “those guys take things way too far!”

— Sixth Form Poet (@sixthformpoet) February 4, 2013

What’s white and can’t climb trees? Powdered sugar.

— anti joke apple (@antijokeapple) February 4, 2013

So McCain joked that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is a monkey, and some people called this racist. Of course, Bush got compared to a monkey constantly during his eight years, so are we really supposed to be upset when some evil dictator gets compared to one?

Frankly, I don’t see why all our elected officials aren’t out each day denouncing all of America’s enemies in profanity-laced tirades. What exactly are we paying these guys for anyway?

Heh. I just imagined Ahmadinejad hanging from a tree branch by his tail. What a silly monkey.

We’re apparently having trouble getting a Republican to run in the special election for the Massachusetts special election, so I’m considering running. It pays $174,000 a year and has great benefits. And there is like zero responsibility. Only problem is that I really don’t want to live in either Massachusetts or D.C. But the main thing a Senator does is vote yes or no on stuff, so it seems almost wasteful to not telecommute for that. So I’m just going to stay in Idaho and whenever there is a vote I’ll just log into my computer and vote yes or no and then collect my salary. And I’m not going to give speeches or anything because those are pointless. I’ll stay our of your way and you can stay out of mine. Deal?

So Karl Rove has started some new group with his SuperPAC to help establishment GOP candidates in the primaries, and this has caused some controversy. The argument is we’re nominating too many extremists who are losing elections and we need squishy moderates to keep winning GOP seats in the Senate. To which I ask: Winning us seats to do what?

Here’s my biggest problem with moderates: I don’t get the point of them. It reminds me of an even dumber variation of the underwear gnomes:

Phase 1: Nominate moderates.
Phase 2: Win elections.
Phase 3: ??

I know for Karl Rove, Phase 2 is an end in itself because winning elections is how he makes his money, but what is the long term strategy with these moderates? Are they going to fundamentally transform things and take on entitlements? No, because that would rock the boat and harm future election prospects. Right now the country is a car speeding towards a cliff, and all the moderates are ever offering to do is ease up the gas a little. How is that useful? By helping moderates get elected, all we ever seem to achieve is to get some guy I don’t know or like a cushy, high-paying job. I’m supposed to be happy and go, “Yay! My team won!” over that?

I mean, I’m okay with moderates in states where conservatives have no chance as slowing down the Democrats is useful at times, but if the people trying to actually turn the tide are really unelectable, I’ll sign up with the “let it burn” crowd before I only support useless moderates. I want to tear down the bloated government we have, and we’ll get their quicker letting Democrats ruin things than we will with GOP moderates tweaking the status quo.