There are three planets surrounding a star some 22 light-years away that might be habitable.
In Scorpio, right around the tip of the tail, there is a cluster of three stars. Now, it looks to the naked eye like a very faint star, but it’s really three stars. Stars are sneaky that way, so be careful.
Anyway, those three stars are called Gliese 667. We call them that. I don’t know what the people there call them. Probably “Star” if they speak English. Or “Bright Sky Thingy.” Around Gliese 667C, the smallest star of that group, are five planets that we know of. And — here’s the kicker — three those planets may be habitable.
Why is that important? Well, our Earth has is threatened by coal, and those doggone conservatives are determined to destroy the Earth with it.
Now, as a conservative, I want to apologize for our vile evil plans to destroy the planet with coal and Bible-thumping and gun-clinging and all those dangerous things we conservatives do. And, every since Bush used Karl Rove’s time machine to go back in time and start Global Warming all those centuries ago, the Earth has been doomed.
So, how do we make it right? Well, there are three planets around Gliese 667C that could support life. And, I say we let the liberals have them. All three of them.
NASA is just sitting around, outreaching to the Moslems, and not doing space stuff anymore, but there’s no reason they couldn’t built three big arks to hold the best of the human race. Let’s load up the B-Ark with Barack Obama (we even call it the “B” Ark, after “Barack”) and all his supporters (it’ll be a really big Ark) and send them off to Gliese 667C. They’ll pick the best of the three planets and settle there, then, once they’re settled in, having set up a super awesome socialist planetary government like they all want, we’ll send off the other two Arks.
I’ll stay here amongst the coal and the thumped Bibles and the clung-to guns and just be miserable. I deserve it.
NASA needs to get to work on this. How many alien communities have to go unorganized because we selfishly try to keep Obama to ourselves? Second star to the left, Mr. Axelrod, and straight on till morning.
I don’t think libs read that one. The themes were too anti-bureaucracy.
Joshdad:
So, you’re saying they won’t suspect a thing? Perfect!
What does a topless Richard Simmons in a Navy hat have to do with the post?
I’m not sure if this plan will pass muster with the EPA.
If lobsters exist on these planets, and we release Moochelle into their midst without them having time to develop any natural defenses, they will surely become extinct within the first four or five Presidential Planetary Parties that are held there.
Not only that, but the resident Wookiees may all start wearing boob belts and may accidentally strangle themselves.
Y. L. Tatsote:
Okay, we’ve been through before. I’m not doing it every six months when I decide to do another B-Ark post.
VelvetElvis:
That’s why we send the EPA along with them — to make sure the Lobster Critters are kept safe.
After we have taken tissue samples and defined anyone having them, or descended from them, “persona non grata”.
What, so Richard Simmons has some ineffable, inexplicable, insider significance to those who were here six months ago? Hey, you used the photo of Simmons. Doesn’t make sense, you can’t provide a simple explanation. Will Richard be leading some kind of Sweating To The Oldies bit on the space journey? Or, because Liberace is dead, will he be the token fellow who just hasn’t found a gal like Dear Ol’ Mom?
Y. L. Tatsote:
The actor is Aubrey Morris, who has many film and TV credits, mostly UK-based. The picture is of him portraying the Golgafrincham Captain of the B-Ark in the BBC Two production of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. The show is recommended viewing, the radio series is recommended listening, and the book is recommended reading.
For those that don’t know the story, follow the link in the post. It explains just what a B-Ark is.
Sorry to burst your bubble my fellow Bible thumper/clinger but the last ark took 120 years to build and that was with non union labor. It would take that long to fill out the environmental impact paperwork. Can’t we just modify the MexiCannon?
I don’t know maybe we thumpers and our friends should head on out. We can then control who does or doesn’t come to our little slice of paradise. I’d boldly go where no one has gone before if it will get me away from the morons running the country. Besides why let the mooslims mess up a perfectly good world. They’ve already started that here. Let’s leave them to it.