First class pro-tip: no need to wear a tuxedo. Business casual is fine, although if you CHOOSE to wear a tuxedo, everybody loves it.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) July 11, 2013
Ugh. I was just injured at work. I wish lawyers took these kind of cases.
— Dan Ewen (@VaguelyFunnyDan) July 11, 2013
WH has ordered that Greek yogurt be added to school lunch menus. For the rest of the nation, Obama has ordered a Greek economy. #tcot
— Fred Thompson (@fredthompson) July 11, 2013
all i'm saying is no sharknadoes hit america while bush was president #HeKeptUsSafe
— Andy Levy (@andylevy) July 11, 2013
free slurpees at 7-11 today. You did it, Occupy Wall Street, you did it!!!
— Matt Oswalt (@Puddinstrip) July 11, 2013
*kid runs to oprah* hey oprah.. want my coke? "sure kid" *walks away* "hey kid, catch" *turns to see a brand new Kia Sorento flying at him*
— cool as h*ck turtle (@dubstep4dads) July 11, 2013
Westbrook Baptist Church announced it's picketing the funerals of everyone who died in the #SharkNado.
— Rob Carr (@robcarrphoto) July 12, 2013
Is it just me, or did Teh FRED! just submit a punchline to the straight line of the day from a couple days ago?
Missed the Sharknado…but it took place in California so it can’t be all bad. Better Frisco though than LA.
@1 – Either that, or he gets his headlines from Drudge, like me, Frank, Anonymiss, Dennis Miller, Jay Leno…
Did Westboro change their name? It must be like Hitler changing his name to Smith, and all the Smiths saying, “wtf? Can he do that?”
Shouldn’t Sharknado be a Sharkicane or a HurriShark since it must come off the ocean, right? I bet they were discarded because the PC crowd thought they sounded too much like sadistic approbation for the shark. MacSharks, people!