In Indiana, a young man broke into a warehouse to steal the brains of dead mental patients so he could sell them on eBay.
And yet somehow he STILL managed to make more money than most government-funded green energy projects.
Archive of entries posted on January 2014
Obama Warned Us – Not Working
I don’t think a system is working when small businesses are gouged and 15,000 Americans are losing coverage every single day; when premiums have doubled and out-of-pocket costs have exploded and they’re poised to do so again. I mean, to be fair, the status quo is working for the insurance industry, but it’s not working for the American people. It’s not working for our federal budget. It needs to change.
BARACK OBAMA, remarks to GOP House Issues Conference, Jan. 29, 2010
“And I promise that, when I’m done changing it, it won’t work for the insurance industry, either.”
Straight Line of the Day: Obama Said “I’ve Got a Pen and I Can Use It”. What Other Threats Will He Make?
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Obama said “I’ve got a pen and I can use it.” What other threats will he make?
Random Thoughts: Downton Abbey, TSA, and Zelda
According to the TIME quiz, liberals have cats crawling over their messy desks while their kids run around screaming. But they use Chrome.
Community is awesome again. And Jonathan Banks is great.
The intensity of the focus on the NJ thing demonstrates that to the MSM the biggest scandal of all is being a Republican.
It would be refreshing one day to meet someone outraged with the substance of a scandal and not from political disagreement with the subject.
To save money, why don’t we just assume it’s made in China unless labeled otherwise.
Wearing a watch for the first time in years. Taking a bit of retraining to look at my wrist for the time versus the nearest computer screen.
NEW DOWNTON ABBEY: Dowager Countess accidentally makes eye-contact with the scullery maid. Edith depresses the servants with her plainness.
NEW DOWNTON ABBEY: Isis, Carson are scared of the new vacuum cleaner. Robert continues to be wrong about everything.
NEW DOWNTON ABBEY: Inexplicably, people continue to listen to/believe Barrow. Rose wears pants and is banished from Downton.
If TSA sees you have a Leatherman and says, “That’s a knife!” say “That’s not a knife!” and pull out bowie and say “This is a knife!” and they’ll laugh and let you through.
Got a new Zelda game for my 3DS. Time to start smashing pots like a complete sociopath.
When is Nintendo going to catch up with last decade and fully voice a Zelda game?
The absolute worst kind of global warming is the kind that makes it colder.
How about instead of a moving walkway, a moving sitway where you sit and move. I guess that’s just a car.
Salted coffee doesn’t really work.
At one airport security they were yelling at people for taking laptops out, at another for leaving them in. How about signs explaining what you want?
I like the more lax airport security, but not every airport has it and they don’t don’t have signs up explaining exactly what’s expected.
Idea: an app that gets daily updated information telling you what’s expected at the security of each airport.
All this talk of gay propaganda being banned from Russia is just gay propaganda (and thus banned from Russia).
Ringtones
Nick Robinson is BBC2’s political editor. He’ll appear on issues discussion shows on that UK channel discussing issues (duh).
Well, the other day, he had a miscue when one of his mobile devices started playing a ringtone, Queen’s Fat Bottomed Girls, according to The Guardian.
No big deal, right? People forget to put devices on silent all the time. I’ve been in meetings where suddenly some loud song snippet started blaring from someone’s pants. You, too, probably.
So, if it’s not that big of a deal, why am I wasting your time writing about it? Well, it got me to thinking. What might be some ringtones of others in the news media?
Most of us might not be familiar with media reporters or pundits from outside the U.S., but I’m certain Anderson Cooper, Chris Matthews, Bill O’Reilly, and others could be subject to having some ringtones that might tell us more about them than we want to know.
So, I’d like to know what you think might be the ringtones of some political reports … or of some politicians. Or suggested ringtones for them.
Have at it.
Them’s Good Eatin’
The season premiere of “My Strange Addiction” on TLC featured a woman who likes to eat mattress stuffing.
Making her the envy of every child in America eating Michelle Obama’s school lunches.
Tabloid “Psychics” Have Made More Accurate Predictions
I *Love* Living in a Country That Has the Problem “Steaks Aren’t Being Eaten Fast Enough”
Sure beats living in a country that has the problem “there is no steak… or any other food”
*shoots dirty look at North Korea*
[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #537,877)
From the description:
5 foot 7 inch, Molly Schuyler, from Bellevue Nebraska. Is a world class competitive eater, who today had her sight set on breaking the world record for eating a 72 ounce steak, The 4.5 pounds.
The previous record was set by Peter “Furious Pete” Czerwinski, A Canadian body builder with a time 6 minutes and 48 seconds. Molly is the number 1 ranked eater for All Pro Eating, an organization for independent eaters who want freedom from contracts
They Keep Using That Word…
California’s State Supreme Court ruled that illegal immigrants are eligible to earn law licenses.
Boy, they really put the “criminal” in “criminal justice system”, don’t they?
This Cold War Vet Hopes He’s Right
[High Praise! to DoublePlusUndead]
Gorbachev tried to reform the USSR. He ended up killing it.
It couldn’t be fixed. Reforms only exposed its flaws.
So too, Obamacare.
Link of the Day: Everything That Obama Did That the Press Allowed You to Forget
[High Praise! to Hatless in Hattiesburg]
Move along, no bias to see here
It’s funny… even without reference links, I still vaguely remember poking fun at Obama about nearly all those topics at one time or another.
And that list is LONG.
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
In China, Walmart Is Actually Spelled MSNBC
Wal-Mart has just recalled donkey meat products from some of its stores in China because tests have found them to be contaminated with fox meat.
Why does that remind me of liberals complaining about “right-wing media bias”?
Obama Warned Us – Not Getting It
I know how bitter and contentious the issue of health insurance reform has become. And I will eagerly look at the ideas and better solutions on the health care front. If anyone here truly believes our health insurance system is working well for people, I respect your right to say so, but I just don’t agree. And neither would millions of Americans with preexisting conditions who can’t get coverage today or find out that they lose their insurance just as they’re getting seriously ill. That’s exactly when you need insurance. And for too many people, they’re not getting it.
BARACK OBAMA, remarks to GOP House Issues Conference, Jan. 29, 2010
“Much as I’m not getting how free markets and liberty work.”
Straight Line of the Day: The US Dropped Off the List of Top 10 Most Economically Free Countries, But We DID Make the List of…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
The US dropped off the list of Top 10 Most Economically Free Countries, but we did make the list of…
The Secret Life of Barack Obama Part 3
(Presidential press conference)
Fox News Reporter: Politifact has recently awarded you the Lie of the Year for your claim that if you like your healthcare plan you can keep your healthcare plan, and Reason Online has recently published an article outlining the 12 big lies that Obamacare was founded upon. Americans I have spoken with have a really hard time believing that you were so in the dark regarding both the way Obamacare would function and the erroneousness of the financial claims surrounding it. Would you care to comment?
President Obama: Well, um, uh, let me be perfectly clear…
Reporter: Did you really believe what you were saying at the time, and did you really expect this to turn out differently? Could you please explain your reasoning behind why you believed this policy would be anything other than a fiasco?
Obama Wonka: Certainly! Just come into my dream factory, and I will show you how all the magic happens. This is the wondrous place where all of the hope and change gets made, children. Without the constraining realities of human nature and the laws of economics, whatever I dream becomes reality, and you know what the most exciting part of it all is, children? Do you? It’s free! It is all free!
Child Reporter 1 (Augustus): Wow!
Child Reporter 2 (Violet): This is amazing!
Child Reporter 3 (Veruca): Everything anyone has ever wanted!
Child Reporter 4 (Mike): There is such a thing as a free lunch!
Obama Wonka: Go ahead. Help yourself. Go on.
[Spoken]
Hold your breath
Make a wish
Count to three
Augustus: Look! Over here! By increasing demand and reducing supply we can increase access to healthcare while bending the cost curve down all without creating shortages.
Obama Wonka: [Singing]
Come with me
And you’ll be
In a world of
Pure imagination
Take a look
And you’ll see
Into your imagination
Violet: Look! Look! Free cellphones. And four millions sustainable green energy jobs.
Obama Wonka: [Singing]
We’ll begin
With a spin
Traveling in
The world of my creation
What we’ll see
Will defy
Explanation
Veruca: OMG, it’s a tree, an expert tree, growing the most beautiful bureaucrats. Experts so smart they can micromanage an economy to create wealth and prosperity for even the least motivated citizens all while sustaining high economic growth and without compromising individual economic freedom and liberty.
Obama Wonka: [Singing]
If you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it
Anything you want to, do it
Wanta change the world?
There’s nothing
To it
Mike: Hey, everybody! Watch this. I can’t take my gun into this zone. I literally can’t! Come here. Try it. Try it.
Obama Wonka: [Singing]
There is no
Life I know
To compare with
Pure imagination
Living there
You’ll be free
If you truly wish to be
Violet: I can! I can keep my healthcare plan! But why would I want to? The one you have chosen for me is so much better!
Obama Wonka: [Singing]
If you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it
Anything you want to, do it
Wanta change the world?
There’s nothing
To it
Mike: Oh look, Iran only wanted clean, energy efficient nuclear power after all. Oh, and they are sharing it with Israel.
Obama Wonka: [Singing]
There is no
Life I know
To compare with
Pure imagination
Living there
You’ll be free
If you truly
Wish to be
Augustus: Mmmmm. This is delicious!
Obama Wonka: No! No! You must not touch that! That is my river of comforting fantasies and cognitive dissonance. It runs everything I do. It must never come into contact with anything that is real.
Augustus (screams and falls into river)
Violet: Oh no! What will happen to him?
Obama Wonka: Hmmm. I’m not really sure. I guess that depends upon how strongly he was rooted in reality. What network was he from again?
Violet: MSNBC.
Obama Wonka: Oh, he’ll be fine. I think he will be fine. I’m pretty sure he’ll be fine. (plays a tune on a whistle)
Oompa Loompa (scurries over)
Obama Wonka (whispers to Oompa Loompa): I’m pretty sure Augustus has become one with the fantasy, but check all the filters and make sure to clear out any little bits of reality that may be clogging them up just in case.
Oompa Loompas (dancing and singing):
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-doo,
I’ve got a perfect puzzle for you.
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-dee,
If you are wise you’ll listen to me.
What do you get when you question the plan?
A knock on your door from the IRS man.
What are you at doubting my change like that?
What do you think will come of that?
I don’t like the look of it
Oompa Loompa do-ba-dee-da,
Give hope a chance you will go far.
You will live in happiness too,
Like the oompa loompa do-ba-dee-doo.
Do-ba-dee-doo
Obama Wonka: Now come this way, children, and I will show you my most secret creation of all.
Mike: What is it?
Obama Wonka: It’s an everlasting thoughtstopper.
Violet: An everlasting thoughtstopper? What does it do?
Obama Wonka: It’ll last forever. You can suck it and suck it and suck it, and it never gets any smaller. It’s created from layers upon layers of sugary, soothing lies and blissful, wishful thinking repeated over and over and over again. Unless you can manage to break past those layers, you will never find the big load of BS at the center. We’re feeding these to everybody.
Oompa Loompa (whispers in Wonka’s ear)
Obama Wonka (whispering back to Oompa Loompa): You say that Charlie and his uncle drank the Fuzzy Logic Lifting Drink and got killed by a fan? That’s all according to plan. There are no winners in my game.
Fox News Reporter: Mr. President? Mr. President? By handing out Obamacare waivers to your political allies and supporters, many are accusing you of picking winners and losers. Do you care to comment?
President Obama: Let me be perfectly clear. I truly believe that once everything settles, everyone will be a winner under Obamacare. Now, time appears to be up. No further questions.