I think I'm going to the next town meeting and demand that dancing be banned. Then just sit back and wait for the awesome dance rebellion.

— John Cheese (@johncheese) April 17, 2014

"Don't forget the à la mode." -Davy Crockett ordering dessert

— Paige (@PeachCoffin) April 17, 2014

The loudest drunks are groups of sober teenage girls.

— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) April 17, 2014

Freaky Friday reboot, where Mike Bloomberg becomes governor of Texas and Rick Perry becomes mayor of New York #DavesIdeas

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) April 17, 2014

Every sword fight for the last 100 years has been interrupted by a mom yelling to get inside the house

— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) April 17, 2014

"Three strikes and you're out!" -terrible bowling coach

— dan mentos (@NonCombosMentos) April 17, 2014

Girl, are you a suicide hotline because I should definitely have your number in my phone.

— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) April 17, 2014

Had some time to kill during the intro of House of Cards so I got my masters degree.

— Tyler Schmall (@tylerschmall) April 18, 2014