Each year, fewer and fewer people get to experience the American Dream (strangling a Commie).

How can you expect us who grew up seeing “10 Items or Less” lanes to always remember the fewer/less distinction?

Let’s see if I can do this right: I have less esteem for people who freak out about mixing up the less/fewer distinction.

I’ll probably be in the top 1% one day; I just seem like that sort of guy. I’ll tell you what it’s like.

A platypus would be the ultimate proof of evolution if there was supposed to be a missing link between a duck and a badger.

Let’s all stop arguing which side are the real fascists and just do what I say before I put you all in prison.

You know who eliminated inequality? The Borg. It started with a minimum wage increase and eventually free will was eradicated.

Instead of wearing lab coats, why don’t scientists just turn up the lab’s thermostat?

When I was kid, I used to like to burn ants with a magnifying glass because they’re Communists.

If it we’re for the 2nd Amendment, we’d have only had 9 amendments. Which would be a weird number.

My dream is to be a very rich advocate against economic inequality.

I’d be for changing the 1st Amendment if we can clarify that whining is not speech and will get you deported.

Elizabeth Warren doesn’t want to end economic inequality. She’d stab you in the eye with a fork if you tried to make her live on your salary.

How are people not seeing that Elizabeth Warren is an obvious big phony? She’s John Edwards 2.0.